Narcissistic post trauma

Submitted by Mercedes (United States), Oct 25, 2019 at 03:19

I can't explain how a love bombing experience does to you mentally, you end up confuse and questioning your beliefs. No one should ever make you think twice of wha you believe you deserve and need from a relationship. He created a roller coaster of emotions and that is why it's hard to let this men go because they know how to make you feel special and give you time then make you sad cry and confuse to why he does the things he does. I could remain in the relationship and continue to believe his love it's real or do what I did and understand that this man is mentally ill. He has everything in the world but chooses to play a game for his only satisfaction.
One thing that never left my head was "this guy is selfish he is always thinking about himself, yet he twisted my words and said everybody is selfish and thinks about themselves in order to gaslight me. Normal people are selfish to an extent, no these men you will know when you go through this experience on your own of what I am talking about. He can Talk you Love, take you on trips, open up to you like no other men has, make you feel as if I you are the only one in his life and the reason why he works so hard "to give us and our family a future" yet when you see the words the exact words given to not only one, or two three women you can't take grasp of reality. they mirror you and your values, so they portray a fake persona the one you want to fall in love with. But they use the same words the same stories on other women. "I always asked God to send me a women just like you" "you are everything i ever wanted" through out this forum i saw women talking about this! How stupid do this men think we women are?!
In the end when reality hit, when I was putting the pieces to the puzzle together... I never spoke to him like he deserved I never showed him my anger I never treated him or told him what he deserved. Why ? Because every time I found something suspicious he would explode hit anything walls, his car yell and say it's your fault for making me do this (they can be the angels the always charming but when you call them out on their BS they will explode and will never admit without a fight even after you have proof of all of it) I knew this man more than anything more than anyone at this point.
The last time I saw him he hugged me and said I am a bad person, I don't believe in love, I don't love anyone, I don't even love myself. Then he said "but i love you and i know I will come back to you and i will find you and go anywhere in the world and get you just give me time I will change " He then with all of his confused and unstable state said "I might never give you what you want, maybe their is someone better" I gave back my engagement ring.

The last year together was the best year we ever had! We were supporting each other's dream, ambitions and our relationship, as lovers and friends were in balance we had found balance. Why? because I stoped asking for what I thought I deserved and wanted to be at peace I followed everything ESTHER PERREL(I highly recommend her!!) have said I believe in her theories BUT i don't think it works on narcissistic mentally ill disturbed men. Sadly.

Yet the one year we thought we both were on a different stage of our relationship I get the slap in the face when I never ever saw it coming... and the whole story with the Algerian women happens in June, and by July August he had found the Asian girl. See my physical, mental state was no longer fully there it took me 3 months to finally get my appetite back.
So i little by little got the energy to put everything together our whole relationship since the day I met till the last day of his excuses and behavior. I could finally see the red flags which I never saw.

So I did not want to say everything I knew to his face I did not want to put myself on any danger, nor give my body any more stress than the one it had all of this years with this man, but I saw his true colors and I could understand his games, yet I gave him my compassion because to be such a monster he had to go through a messed up life, and cultural upbringing.
So I left a letter and disappeared. On this letter I asked him to never look for me and told him everything I knew of him the true him(took about 10 pages front and back. I gave all of his belongings and pictures. and I asked if he ever saw me to act as if we never met. This was 4 months ago... after the Asian girl left he went back to Algeria, he comes back and ..
What does he do? He asks my brother for my phone number, even tho I had called him on all of his BS even tho I said to him I want you far from me and my family, I rather be stuck in a black whole without any kind of protection than near him.

Now this poor Asian girl(who thinks that she is the only women before me!) is no longer in the same state(exchange student) but my ex is keeping her stupidly in love(probably to use her somehow, maybe travel to her and have a place and a person to be with) . When I found out about this girl he said to me "she doesn't mean anything, she is leaving soon for ever" yet this girl it's still thinking she is his girlfriend and he sends her flowers. Just knowing that men like him use women for their satisfaction using them and mentally control them manipulate and trick them makes me feel useless... because I know and I can't do anything to stop them...him...

should I email this website link to the new girl?(i am sure she is not the only one by now he might have a few other ones in the same city and Algeria) I would send it anonymous to avoid any more involvement other than pressing send. if she wants to take action or not up to her... but she could also show this to my ex and he can do something to hurt me ... I would just want her to not waist her time and health with this common unstable being. What do you think ?

PS. This is like therapy to me, and I hope anyone reading could benefit in any way. Know that you aren't alone. I feel alone most of the time because of the isolation that this person created in my life. He expected me to be the perfect women yet I received nothing but garbage and scraps dressed as gold.

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".