69 million page views

Soufian from Agadir Morocco

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men
in response to reader comment: I agree with her story

Submitted by Amber, Mar 11, 2017 at 16:29

Hello, everyone! About 10 months ago, I was approached online on an adult site by this very cute and sweet younger surfer from Agadir. I was living in Houston at the time and didn't really know anyone, and had absolutely no knowledge of the insane rate of marriage fraud coming from Morocco. I wasn't initially interested in speaking to him because of the distance and because he was younger, but he said all the right things at just the right time, even said that I looked 'sweet' and 'lonely.' I am 28 and he claimed to be 24, but I believe he is really 23 because of a driver's license I saw later on. He said it was an issue with a birth certificate (WHATEVER). Not a HUGE age difference, but still there was a bit of hesitation for me.

He kept coming back to talk to me again and again, always seeming very sweet and sincere. He was just another lonely heart who was always trying to be happy, and only wanted to share that happiness and the beauty of his country with me, too. Within a couple of very short months, I was smitten with this young man and planning my first visit to Morocco, of which he helped with none of the expenses other than just the place to stay. Of course, by this time, he was sooo in love with me and just wanted to be married and get me pregnant (insert eyeroll). I had sent $700 in advance of my stay, to help with the cost of everything while I was there. He also knew I had an income and regular pay to expect while I was there. It was fairly cheap to do things there. Gas was probably the most costly thing, but food was pretty inexpensive. I immediately fell in love with his family and how sweet and warm they all seemed to be. The sex was amazing in person, and had even been awesome on cam before we ever saw each other. It had to be a bit more discreet there, but I understood and respected that. I have a military and investigative background, so I did a little looking around during the first trip and noticed that he had an active Tinder account, which he stupidly started using in FRONT of me, and seemed to be speaking to a girl from Ukraine on his Facebook a bit flirtatiously. He agreed to get rid of the Tinder, and claimed the girl was someone he has known for a while who was a friend and married, which was a lie. He would later continue the flirtation with this girl and several others over Instagram, being unaware I could see his likes and comments, and later deleted these people.

At one point while I was there, we spent three days completely inside of the house and I was getting a little stir crazy. He was watching some kind of surfing video and I asked him if we could please do something like go for a short walk or something outside because I hadn't seen the outside of the house for days. He got a bit irritated and didn't want to leave his precious video and told me he didn't want to do it. I was feeling super overwhelmed and emotional from being in this new place and seeing familiar Muslim structures and hearing the prayer calls constantly (I have been to Afghanistan for a previous deployment, so NOT bringing back the best memories for me), so I broke down and started crying and walked away. He proceeded to follow me and immediately started telling me how stupid I was for being emotional. I tried to explain things to him, and he was just very cold to me and blamed me for everything. I felt like I wanted to leave at that point, and I told him that. We went three days without saying a single word to each other in person, only trading insults over Facebook messages so the family wouldn't see we were fighting so bad. He left me with his family for a couple of days without any of my money or anywhere to go, then he told me his family was to take him somewhere to be away from me for the rest of the time I was to be there, which was about another week. I was terrified that he was going to leave me in this house with people I don't know at all and can barely communicate with. His sister spoke some English, but that was about it. I thought that was a really awful way for him to treat me and take advantage of the situation, but I was scared of him leaving me like that, so I sucked up my feelings and made nice with him for the rest of the trip. It seemed to go a little better from then. We were kind of on and off for the next couple of months. He had initially told me he loved my curves, but later I needed to take better care of myself and go to the gym and lose some weight. I was a little on the smaller side of thick/curvy, but would consider myself a fairly attractive woman. There are plenty of people who seem to absolutely love my body, so I didn't really see anything wrong with it. I had put on a little bit of cute fluff after getting out of the military, but still carried it nicely. I just thought maybe this was to be my motivation to get back into shape again. He kept reminding me to go to the gym constantly and kept asking what weight I was at, which we got into several fights about. He actually called me a fat ass at one point and thought it was cute and funny, when it brought me to tears. I kept talking to him about how awful that made me feel, and finally he let up a bit.

Then, I was planning to visit for the second time over my Winter vacation from school. I am in college full-time and can't be there for too long because of that. It had been 3 weeks the first time, and another 3 weeks for the second visit. He had told me before that it was difficult and expensive to have certain things shipped there, which I can say was true from trying to send things there. I was going to be there for Christmas and I had a little extra money and wanted to be nice and get him some things, and a little something for his family as well since they had been so welcoming. There were a lot of good deals, so I got him a wetsuit and a camera we had discussed getting for future vacation and surfing photos and videos. Then he found another deal on another wetsuit and just HAD to ask me to help with that one for when the warmer weather comes. I am madly in love with this person and I have the extra money right now, so why not? Then he asked me to cover the cost of some spearfishing equipment he was going to pay for but couldn't send OUT to me from Western Union, so he asked if I could cover that and he would save what he had for us to use after I got there. This was to the tune of about $400 USD. Sure, no problem.

I got there and what he had 'saved' didn't seem to be going too far. I noticed that we were doing a lot of things that cost little or no money. We did end up in Marrakech visiting his family for what turned into a few days. We were there for the New Year. It had been about 3 days for us there without a shower and I was feeling a bit yucky and just wanted to go get a shower and stay back where he lived so we could celebrate our first New Year together. He decided it was best for us to spend yet another day away at a wedding where we were separated from each other most of the night, and it was dangerous to leave from at night, so we were forced to stay. He told me we would go back to Marrakech for the night to stay with his family before we left. Surprise, surprise. So another day without a shower and being mostly separated. I wasn't happy and I let him know it. I'm not an inconsiderate person by any means. I have had numerous experiences roughing it out and adapting to what other people want, but I just wanted some consideration as well, seeing as I was on vacation and just wanted to spend more of what precious time I had alone with him. I guess that was a lot to ask for, and I was just stupid for not appreciating anything else.

So, before this second trip, I had noticed that he had barely wanted to be on cam with me anymore, when before it had been at least once a week and was something we both really seemed to enjoy. I began to wonder why that was and considered the possibilities. I couldn't help myself but to put in a search of the name he had previously used on the adult site we had met on, and my hunch led me to several sites he had other accounts on. Most were old or inactive, but some were still active with VERY recent activity, to include a webcam broadcast which was AFTER the time he told me he was going to sleep because he was just sooo exhausted from spending all of his free time talking to me. They say that if a partner suddenly seems to lose sexual interest in you, it might just be because they are filling their needs elsewhere, and this was absolutely true in this case. We got into another argument and he told me he was just having fun and those were not real people, which didn't make ANYTHING better for me. I explained to him how what he was doing was hurting our relationship and taking away from me, because he was selfishly satisfying his own needs and leaving me alone to deal with mine. He even made me feel terrible for masturbating, telling me it was such a bad thing to do, even though this little hypocrite clearly had no problem doing it with these people. He agreed to stop doing it and removed himself from the sites, but I'm sure after this and reading everything else that he probably just kept doing it using another alias.

Anyway, we returned from Marrakech and were settling back in at his house and he had been logging into his other Facebook accounts, which he had explained to me before were for business purposes, as he had a business degree and did some small things there. Out of curiosity and yet another feeling in my gut, I took a look at those profiles, and of course I see tons of messages from him talking to other women in a sexual manner throughout the course of our entire relationship. Saying all of the same things he said to me. I felt crushed. I asked him what the hell I was looking at, slapped him in the face, and threw his trusty cheating device of a laptop to the floor, breaking it. I was so humiliated and just started to cry and asked him why on earth he would do that to me. To bring me all the way there TWICE if he obviously didn't care about me as much as he professed. Just like before, those women were not real and meant nothing to him, and he just wasn't sure about me before, but now he knew differently and knew how much he loved me and would never do that again. Those accounts were deleted as well, but I know how easy it is for him to make more since he does it when we fight and I block him on Facebook, because he just loves me so much. I tried to leave, but the family didn't want me to. I genuinely believe that they actually liked me, but I'm not sure if they knew what he was up to or not. They didn't want to believe he was doing inappropriate things with other women. He went back and forth with them and me during this argument and had told me that everyone hated me and wanted me to leave, so I made a reservation in Marrakech and the family stepped in and wanted me to stay. Again, I was stupid and just wanted to blame cultural differences and him just being younger and an idiot. He ALWAYS knew how to sound like everything he said came from the heart, for better or worse, and we ended up patching things up again. The rest of the trip wasn't the same after that. He wanted me to go out and film him surfing again and again while I was there, and when I got sick one day I was just 'being lazy' and didn't want to do anything.

I went back home again after that trip, and we began to talk about meeting in Bali in July for 6 weeks. I was really excited to spend more time together, and we had agreed to pay for our own tickets and split the cost of other living expenses while we were there. We had been getting along seemingly a lot better, and I had noticed he was being a lot more loving lately. Then he asks me if I can pay for his $1200 ticket to Bali, because he has lent a friend some money who had an accident and was going to be short. Now, why is he asking me to cover ALL of his ticket and not just what the difference would be? And he said the money he has can be used for our room, but for only 4 of the 6 weeks, meaning I would have to put out more for the remaining 2. I had a bad feeling that would happen, but again didn't want to believe he wouldn't come through. I told him that was asking me to come up with a LOT of money at once, as he wanted me to buy both tickets at the same time. Then he told me that if I didn't think I could take care of it, he should just go alone. So I told him if he obviously had the money to go alone, that is exactly what he should do. And that is it. I have had enough of this. He is messaging me incessantly with the I love you's and he feels so bad that I feel like he is a bad person and trying to scam me now. More and more words, but I know now that the actions will never back them up. It has been almost a year and I didn't want to believe any of the negative things I had read, but I gave him ample time to show me he actually loved me and again and again, he failed. Everyone will show you what their intentions are for you in time. Just be careful not to get trapped with a child or something that makes it impossible for you to get out. He never took responsibility for anything he did or made me feel, I was always called crazy or sick or disgusting, and he never apologized for anything on his own. Everything he did wrong was expected to be ignored and forgotten immediately, though I know I would have been in a LOT of trouble for doing any of those things to him.

Some of the aliases he has used on Facebook - Soufian Bibissa (primary), Soufian Babaassa, Khaled Mintocha, Kevin Millard, Said Sadone, Koliti Bibitoto, Soufiansurfnow Kokolito, Bibito Bibita


Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".

Comment on this item

Mark my comment as a response to Soufian from Agadir Morocco by Amber

Email me if someone replies to my comment

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".

See recent outstanding comments.

Follow Daniel Pipes

Facebook   Twitter   RSS   Join Mailing List

All materials by Daniel Pipes on this site: © 1968-2024 Daniel Pipes. daniel.pipes@gmail.com and @DanielPipes

Support Daniel Pipes' work with a tax-deductible donation to the Middle East Forum.Daniel J. Pipes

(The MEF is a publicly supported, nonprofit organization under section 501(c)3 of the Internal Revenue Code.

Contributions are tax deductible to the full extent allowed by law. Tax-ID 23-774-9796, approved Apr. 27, 1998.

For more information, view our IRS letter of determination.)