3 readers online now  |  69 million page views

New GI Bill to address gas, bloating, constipation, and other agita caused by pre-traumatic stress syndrome

Reader comment on item: Sudden Jihad or "Inordinate Stress" at Ft. Hood?

Submitted by Kaustik (United States), Nov 12, 2009 at 10:11

Worried about the prospect of experiencing stress? Concerned that your worries may adversely impact your quality of life? Troubled by the rash of concerns evinced by your peers as they worry about stress?

In the new army it takes a village! Don't be a fool and rush into harm's way! Don't be the idiot who takes one for the team! Instead, take advantage of the new GI bill and eat and exercise your way to a better life. Today's enlistment in the Armed Forces need no longer set you back on the path to success. Why defer gratification when you can be on your way to a better you now?

The day after your induction, you will be airlifted to a Caribbean higher educational institution where you can sample a smorgasbord of tasty, nutritious, and consciousness-raising offerings even as you take long contemplative walks down a sun-bleached beach with a compliant lifestyle enhancement officer on your arm.

We deploy no male, female, or she/male to a combat zone before their time. And who knows better than you when that time has come? So take your time, get to know the real you, triangulate your place in the cosmos. The bad guys will still be there when you are ready to step up to the plate and experience the gut-churning excitement of viewing a combat zone from a webcam a continent away.

So, don't delay, act now to enlist and take your life to a whole new level. And leave the driving to us!

Submitting....

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".

Comment on this item

Mark my comment as a response to New GI Bill to address gas, bloating, constipation, and other agita caused by pre-traumatic stress syndrome by Kaustik

Email me if someone replies to my comment

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".

See recent outstanding comments.

Follow Daniel Pipes

Facebook   Twitter   RSS   Join Mailing List
eXTReMe Tracker

All materials by Daniel Pipes on this site: © 1968-2020 Daniel Pipes. daniel.pipes@gmail.com and @DanielPipes

Support Daniel Pipes' work with a tax-deductible donation to the Middle East Forum.Daniel J. Pipes

(The MEF is a publicly supported, nonprofit organization under section 501(c)3 of the Internal Revenue Code.

Contributions are tax deductible to the full extent allowed by law. Tax-ID 23-774-9796, approved Apr. 27, 1998.

For more information, view our IRS letter of determination.)