Strange Sex Stories from the Muslim World

The deepest differences between Muslims and Westerners concern not politics but sexuality. Each side has a long history of looking at the other's sexual mores with a mixture of astonishment and disgust. Here are some examples of customs and social attitudes from the Muslim side of the divide (in reverse chronological order) that have me, for one, shaking my head:

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Wife, 10, returned to husband, 80: A Saudi father returned his 10-year-old daughter to her 80-year-old husband after finding her hiding at her aunt's home for about ten days. The husband accused the aunt of meddling in his affairs: "My marriage is not against the Shari'a. It included the [proper] elements of acceptance and response by the father of the bride." The husband added that he had first been engaged to the girl's elder sister, but she wanted to continue with her education; "In light of this, her father offered his younger daughter. I was allowed to have a look at her according to Shari'a and found her acceptable." (August 26, 2009)

Ali Mazen Abdul Jawad may pay heavily for his bragging about his sex exploits.

Saudi sex braggart in danger of capital punishment: Ali Mazen Abdul Jawad, 32 and a divorced father of four, appears to be quite the ladies' man. The Saudi Airlines employee who lives in Jidda, Saudi Arabia, appeared in a five-minute segment on July 15 on "Bold Red Line" (أحمر بالخط العريض), a weekly program on the Lebanese Broadcasting Corporation, boasting of his sexual conquests. Donna Abu-Nasr of the Associated Press describes the program, which begins with him talking about the first time he had sex at age 14.

Then he leads viewers into his bedroom, dominated by red accessories. Sitting cross-legged on a red bedcover, Abdul-Jawad … says "everything happens in this room." Another shot shows Abdul-Jawad, who is dressed in a red shirt and red slippers and sports a stylish goatee, holding up blurred sex toys, a sex manual and a bottle he took from a box. "It's used for women who do not have sexual desire," he says.

The segment then shows him greeting three male friends at the door of his apartment, located in the western seaport of Jiddah. The four, who have all now been detained by Saudi authorities, then briefly discuss what turns them on and how much "comfort" they get from sex. "One million percent," says Abdul-Jawad.

Finally, he is shown sitting on his bed, saying that while he doesn't care where he has sex, sometimes he would like to have a "paranormal" experience. "You may ask me, 'Where?'" he says. "I may tell you, 'I wish in an airplane.'"

The segment ends with Abdul Jawad in his car, off for an evening's cruising.

For this indiscretion, Abdul Jawad and two friends were arrested in Jidda on July 31 for the crime of hiraba, the Shar'i offense of waging unlawful warfare (in speech or action) against the state and society. It can lead to execution. If he is charged only with the crime of publicizing vice, however, he will not face the death penalty. (August 6, 2009) Aug. 8, 2009 update: Without specifically referring to Abdul Jawad, the imam of the Grand Mosque in Mecca, Salih bin Muhammad at-Talib, used his Friday sermon to denounce "people whose eyes are dazzled and their hearts captured by their enemy's culture, speaking against and behaving contrary to our cultural values" and accusing them of treason against their own country. "They accept unquestioningly all the good and evil values of Western culture, which prompt them to discredit and deride their own values, traditions, literature and arts." He went on to decry unnamed international organizations that collect evidence to be used against Saudi Arabia and suggested that some Saudis aid these foreign provocateurs. "Their witnesses are some writers amidst us and their evidence are the writings of some of us." Oct. 7, 2009 update: Abdul Jawad got off with the relatively light punishment of 1,000 lashes, 5 years in jail, followed by 5 years without travel or talking to the media. His lawyer, Sulaiman al-Jumeii, plans to appeal the court's ruling and is confident the sentence against his client will be revoked. According to al-Jumeii, the other three men who appeared on the show got 300 lashes each and 2 years in prison. Oct. 25, 2009 update: Rozanna al-Yami, 22 and a Saudi subject, was charged with involvement in the offending television show (helping prepare it, advertise it) and sentenced to 60 lashes. The judge said he handed down the sentence "as a deterrent." To which Yami replied, "I am too frustrated and upset to appeal the sentence." Oct. 26, 2009 update: King Abdullah pardoned Yami and she will not undergo the sentence of 60 lashes, in part due to widespread media attention internationally.

Palestinian terrorist prisoners smuggle out sperm: Palestinian websites claim that six terrorist prisoners in Israeli jails have managed, through the agency of relatives, to get their sperm to their wives, who have impregnated themselves with it, according to Yedi'ot Aharonot. "The Hasam organization, which cares for Palestinians prisoners, says the prisoners in question come from the Gaza Strip and the West Bank. According to Mufak Hamid, head of the organization's PR division, the sperm was smuggled in the presence of witnesses who are relatives of the couples."

The paper goes on:

A number of websites have praised the initiative, defining it as "a war of provocation against the occupier," but not everyone is pleased with it. One of those who opposes the move is Dr. Yunis Al-Astal, a member of the Palestinian researchers' association, who says that "there is no guarantee the sperm will reach its destination, and this whole matter is infected with social and moral corruption." According to al-Astal, "The Jews can perform acts of deceit with the sperm, and the wife may have a thousand doubts."

(August 4, 2009)

Sanctioned rape of Iranian virgins before their execution: An unnamed member of Iran's paramilitary Basij, currently married with children, explained to a Jerusalem Post reporter that he joined the Basij at 16 years when his mother took him "to a Basiji station and begged them to take me under their wing because I had no one and nothing foreseeable in my future. My father was martyred during the war in Iraq and she did not want me to get hooked on drugs and become a street thug. I had no choice." Then came a description of his role raping young girls:

He said he had been a highly regarded member of the force, and had so "impressed my superiors" that, at 18, "I was given the 'honor' to temporarily marry young girls before they were sentenced to death." In the Islamic Republic it is illegal to execute a young woman, regardless of her crime, if she is a virgin, he explained. Therefore a "wedding" ceremony is conducted the night before the execution: The young girl is forced to have sexual intercourse with a prison guard - essentially raped by her "husband."

"I regret that, even though the marriages were legal," he said. Why the regret, if the marriages were "legal?"

"Because," he went on, "I could tell that the girls were more afraid of their 'wedding' night than of the execution that awaited them in the morning. And they would always fight back, so we would have to put sleeping pills in their food. By morning the girls would have an empty expression; it seemed like they were ready or wanted to die. I remember hearing them cry and scream after [the rape] was over," he said. "I will never forget how this one girl clawed at her own face and neck with her finger nails afterwards. She had deep scratches all over her."

(July 19, 2009)

Sexually aggressive Saudi females: Ibtisam Sheqdar provides interesting documentation in an Arab News story, datelined Mecca no less, "Workplace harassment: Women turn the tables," but the evidence hardly fulfills the title's premise of women as perpetrators and men as victims. Rather, they describe sexually aggressive females, something difficult enough for most people to imagine when the women in question are burqa'ed.

Start with Muhammad Naif, a young Saudi who works at a store, who tells how a woman entered the shore and, before leaving, asked for his telephone number.

"I gave her the shop's card, which had a landline number on it. She then asked me to write my name on the back, which I did. She then left," said Naif, adding that the woman began ringing him at work everyday. "She would ask to talk to me saying she had something urgent and important to say. She kept asking me for my mobile phone number, but I politely declined. She would ring me everyday for five days in a row," he said. "On the fifth day, she called and asked me to come out of the shop because she was waiting for me outside. I refused. She asked if I was afraid and I said yes. After that, she began to come in front of the shop and stood there, looking at me. I did not pay her any attention. I was not quite sure what she wanted. Maybe she wanted to play around and I was not ready for that."

Second, Saad Hamza, who works at a call center:

"One day, a woman customer called and asked for a certain service. I told her that this service could be done through the automatic telephone system. She quickly answered, 'What if I gave you a kiss?' I was taken aback," he said. "I told her that I wasn't interested and advised her to fear God. Another woman called and, while I was helping her, she began singing. I told her I was still on the line so that she would stop singing. She said she knew and asked for my mobile number. I told her that we do not give our private numbers to customers. She then read out her number and said she would be waiting for my call."

Third, Khaled Hussain, who works in human resources:

He says that women often contact him looking for jobs, even though there is a special department that deals with women applicants. "One day, a lady called me on my mobile. It was 12.30 a.m. I wondered how she got hold of my

I had no choice but to switch off my phone," he added. "She called the next day at 2 p.m. and started to talk about how attractive I was and how lucky my wife was. I ended the conversation and stopped answering her calls. She waited for several days and called me again to tell me she was well connected and offered to provide me with any type of assistance I needed from government departments. She asked me to send her my photo and promised to send hers. She then spoke words that I cannot repeat. I switched off the phone and changed the SIM."

The head of the psychological department at King Adul Aziz Hospital in Mecca, Tarik Albar, sees these as "isolated incidents involving women suffering from mental problems. There are some hysterical women who love being ostentatious. They sometimes use a lot of makeup to draw attention to themselves." The chairman of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice in Mecca, Ahmed bin Jasim Al-Ghamdi, acknowledged receipt of men complaining of being harassed by women.

Comment: To the extent these stories are not just examples of male bravado, Muslim assumptions about females as sexual predators explains them; for more on this surprising topic, see my article, "Female Desire and Islamic Trauma." An excerpt:

Muslims generally believe female desire to be so much greater than the male equivalent that the woman is viewed as the hunter and the man as her passive victim. If believers feel little distress about sex acts as such, they are obsessed with the dangers posed by women. So strong are her needs thought to be, she ends up representing the forces of unreason and disorder. A woman's rampant desires and irresistible attractiveness gives her a power over men that even rivals God's. She must be contained, for her unbridled sexuality poses a direct danger to the social order.

(July 5, 2009)

Rejected Iraqi Suitors Bomb Women's Families: Rod Nordland in the New York Times summarizes a new Iraqi pattern of failed ardor:

Boy meets girl. They exchange glances and text messages, the limit of respectable courting [in Iraq]. Then boy asks girl's father for her hand. Dad turns him down. Boy goes to girl's house and plants a bomb out front. The authorities call it a "love I.E.D.," or improvised explosive device, and it is not just an isolated case. Capt. Nabil Abdul Hussein of the Iraqi national police said that six had exploded in the Dora neighborhood of Baghdad alone in the past year. "These guys, they face any problem with their girlfriends, family, anyone, and they're making this kind of I.E.D.," Captain Hussein said. There have been no reported deaths or injuries from the devices used in this way, in Dora or elsewhere. "Usually they're putting them in front of the doors of their houses, not to kill, but to scare them," Captain Hussein said.

Nordland gives the case history of Omar Abdul Hussein, 18, known by the nickname of Cisco, a former supporter of Al Qaeda in Mesopotamia living in Dora: "Cisco was rejected by his girlfriend's father three times, and then one day she called to tell him that her father was bringing another suitor over to meet her. Cisco planted a bomb by their garden wall and set it off. Since he lived just next door, it was a short manhunt. Cisco was tried and convicted ­ of terrorism." (May 30, 2009)

Mother in UK locks up three sons' wives "like slaves or dogs for 13 years": Preston Crown Court in England heard that Naseebah Bibi, 62, locked up her three daughters-in-law, Tazeem Akhtar, Nagina Akhtar and Nisbah Akhtar, and treated them as slaves for up to thirteen years, beating and slapping them if they disobeyed, threatening to break their legs and denying them food. Rather than live with their husbands, Bibi's sons Nahim, Fahim and Nadeem, the three women worked for Bibi at cooking, cleaning, and sewing.

Naseebah Bibi, pictured outside Preston Crown Court, is accused of keeping her three sons' three wives as slaves.

The prosecutor, Philip Boyd, explained: 'Mrs Bibi was clearly exploiting each of these women. They were treated like children, slaves or dogs by a regime of threats of force or actual force. These young women had been rejected by their husbands of their arranged marriages, they couldn't speak English, they couldn't go back to Pakistan, they were in limbo and so they were exploited by the defendant for her own purposes."

Speaking of Nagina Akhtar. Boyd said: "As soon as she came to this country, she was ordered by Mrs Bibi to spend the day sewing on an industrial sewing machine. She sewed all day, every day. She sewed for money, but she didn't see any of the money."

As for Tazeem Akhtar, Boyd said: 'She came expecting to live and have children with her husband, something she had dreamed of for some years. Her dream was doomed. She did not know that Nahim already had a partner, a white lady, and had two children. He had effectively no intention of living as her husband. He effectively had his own life and she only discovered that on the first day she arrived." Instead, "She was simply treated like a slave. She would get up 6am and was ordered to do all the house work, to clean the floors and windows and she even had to do the washing in cold water by hand, even though there was an electric washing machine. She did try to use the washing once but she was beaten by Mrs Bibi. She would be beaten by being slapped in the face, hit with a slipper on the arms and legs and had her hair pulled."

And Nisbah Akhtar: "When she arrived she had the expectation of being husband and wife and she would have a rosy future,' said Boyd. 'But on her arrival she was shunned by her husband and the same pattern of abuse began."

Comment: This takes to an extreme the Muslim pattern whereby a wife becomes something of a servant to her mother-in-law. (For more on this, see Fatima Mernissi's brilliant analysis, Beyond the Veil.) (April 1. 2009)

Father gets 6 months, 40 lashes for marrying off daughter twice: In another only-in-Saudi story, Al-Watan newspaper reports about a father in Qasim province with a 20-year-old daughter. He decided last year to marry her to a civil servant as the man's second wife. The marriage was not consummated and the father says he heard that the husband had divorced his daughter. So, after three months, he married her off to a second man, this one as a first marriage. (Following?) Her second marriage was consummated and she is now three months pregnant. But the first husband still considers himself married to her, so he filed a lawsuit against the father and daughter. The judge annulled the marriage to the first husband, ordered the wife to return his dowry, and legalized the second marriage contract. Most dramatically, he sentenced the father to 6 months in jail and 40 lashes. (April 5, 2009)

Women told: "You have dishonored your family, please kill yourself": As the Turkish authorities crack down on honor killings with long jail terms, men are requesting their women-folk to commit suicide and thus spare them years of incarceration. What might be called "honor suicides" are linked to reforms to the penal code in 2005 which mandated life sentences for honor killers. (Previously, killers often received a reduced sentences.) The law prompted a spate of female suicides, reports Ramita Navai in the Independent. (March 27, 2009)

Afghan president favors law that "legalises rape within marriage": As elections in Afghanistan loom in August, President Hamid Karzai appears to be looking for Islamist votes by supporting a law, article 132 of which states that women must obey their husband's sexual demands and that a man can expect to have sex with his wife at least "once every four nights" when traveling, unless she is ill. The final document is not yet published but it also appears to forbid wives from leaving home without their husbands' permission, to grant custody of children to fathers and grandfathers only, and to approve child marriages. According to the United Nations Development Fund for Women (UNIFEM), "Article 132 legalises the rape of a wife by her husband." (March 22, 2009) Aug. 16, 2009 update: The BBC reports that the bill, only slightly modified from its initial terms, has passed and become law. It also indicates that husbands may withhold food from wives who refuse their sexual favors.

Wet-nursing breaks up marriages: Readers may remember getting a good laugh two years ago when Izzat Atiya of Egypt's Al-Azhar University came up with a hair-brained way for men and women to work together by having the women feed their male colleagues "directly from her breast" at least five times. This act, his fatwa announced, would accord with a hadith and create maternal-child relations between the two, thus precluding any sexual activity between them and permitting them to be alone together at work. "Breast feeding an adult puts an end to the problem of the private meeting, and does not ban marriage. A woman at work can take off the veil or reveal her hair in front of someone whom she breastfed."

Not only was Atiya hilarious, but he was also wrong, at least according to the Hanbali school of jurisprudence practiced in Saudi Arabia, which rules that two persons breast fed by the same woman are prohbitied from marrying each other. This prohibition has obvious dangers, which an article in the Arab News today explores in a provocatively titled article by Nadeen Ibrahim, "Make sure your wife is not your sister!"

Islamic law prohibits marriage with one's wet nurse (for men), her husband (for women), her biological children and any nonbiological children she breast-fed. All such individuals are described as the person's mahram. Since there is no official system of documenting the names and identities of children who have been breast-fed by a woman, some young men and women sometimes end up accidentally marrying someone suckled by their own wet nurse. This can cause difficulties when couples find out later in life. If they have children, then things can be an even bigger problem.

Ibrahim then offers two examples of this problem, one of a couple married for seven years before discovering they were brother and sister. Fortunately, they had no children, so they divorced and remarried. According to Ibrahim, the woman of the couple "does not regret separating, as she did not really love her ex-husband in the way one loves their spouse."

The other example involves a couple married for 30 years with nine children before discovering they were foster siblings. Explains the wife, Umm Abdul Aziz: "It happened out of the blue. An elderly man came to my husband one day and told him that we had been suckled by the same woman. He even knew people who knew of this and could testify as witnesses. We were greatly shocked and deeply saddened." To avoid wrenching changes, she and her husband kept the matter a secret, continued living together, but now as brother and sister.

To solve this problem in the future, the article quotes a social worker, Fatima Muhammad Al-Suwaisi, urging that careful records be kept of who breast-fed whom. She also adds a sociological note: "Earlier, we used to live in small communities where people knew each other well. With the rapid growth in population and people often traveling from where they were born, it has become difficult for one to know one's foster brothers and sisters." (March 22, 2009)

Parents threaten to kill teenage daughter unless she has sex with her husband: I introduced this weblog entry by noting that "The deepest differences between Muslims and Westerners concern not politics but sexuality" and here is a perfect case making that point, reported by Deutsche Presse Agentur:

Mohammed Ould Abdallahi and his wife Hawa Mint Cheikh emigrated from Mauritania to Puerto Real in southern Spain in the late 1980s, where they bore three children. Ould Abdallahi speaks hardly any Spanish and is almost illiterate. When his daughter Selamha Bint Mohammed turned 14 in 2006, he accepted for her the marriage proposal of her cousin Mokhtar Salem, then already more than 40 years old, and the couple proceeded to get married that year in Nouakchott, the Mauritanian capital.

Selamha informed a Spanish court last week that she was coerced into this marriage, that her father threatened to stone her unless she married Salem and had sexual relations with him. "He said he would throw the first stone," Selamha recounted.

The family then returned to Puerto Real, minus Salem, who only turned up on a visit in 2007. When he appeared, Selamha refused to resume sexual relations with him. In response, she told the court, "my parents told me they would kill me, burn me or slit my throat." At this point, Selamha turned for safety to a Spanish female friend.

The friend took Selamha for a medical check-up and the friend's family encouraged Selamha to report her parents and husband to the authorities, which she did. The police immediately detained the parents and husband, deprived the parents of custodianship over Selamha, and ordered the parents to keep a distance of 500 meters from Selamha.

The parents they face up to 17 years in prison for coercion, domestic violence and humiliating treatment. The husband faces up to 10 years for repeated sexual aggression. The trial is currently underway and prompting very different responses among Spaniards and Mauritanians.

Spanish internet commentators were practically unanimous in praising the girl's courage and in condemning Mauritanian customs. Marriages such as Selamha's represented a "medievalism which became outdated in Europe centuries ago," one commentator said. The case demonstrates "the failure of policies defending multiculturalism, because of the guilt complex we drag along in the West and because of permissiveness towards unacceptable behaviours," another blogger wrote.

Many Mauritanians, on the other hand, see the West as trying to impose its secular customs on Muslims. Some even suspect that Selamha's Spanish friends would like her parents to be jailed in order to adopt her and to "place her in a Christian home," as one young Mauritanian wrote in an internet forum. Imams preaching at mosques have commented on the case, urging the Mauritanian government to interfere on behalf of Mohammed Ould Abdallahi's family. A group of Mauritanian lawyers and senators representing emigrants also contacted the Spanish embassy in Nouakchott, El Pais reported. Even in the West, girls of Selamha's age were having sex, the newspaper Le Quotidien de Nouakchott pointed out. "If our judiciary cannot jail a Spaniard who drinks alcohol in our country, the Spaniards cannot judge alleged social offences" which can only be evaluated in the Mauritanian context, the newspaper Le Renovateur said.

(March 12, 2009) Mar. 30, 2009 update: The sentences have come down: 17 years for the mother, 13.5 yeas for the husband, and 1.5 years for the father, plus a €15,000 fine on the parents, a restraining order on the mother during her entire prison sentence, and on the father for four years.

40 lashes, 4 months in prison, deportation for 75-year-old widow for "mingling" with nephew: Khamisa Sawadi, 75 and the Syrian widow of a Saudi man, asked two 24-year-old men in April 2008 to bring her five loaves of bread, reports the Saudi newspaper Al-Watan. One of them, Fahd al-Anzi, as was the nephew of her late husband, the other his friend and business partner, Hadiyan bin Zein. They delivered the bread ent to Sawadi's home in the city of al-Chamil, north of Riyadh.

The religious police (the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice) then arrested the three on the basis of "citizen information" from al-Anzi's father, who accused Sawadi of corruption, on the grounds that they are not immediate relatives. Sawadi testified that she had breast-fed Anzi when he was a baby (which, in Islamic law, establishes a family bond) and considered al-Anzi as her son, but to no avail; the court denied her claim, citing a lack of evidence.

On March 3, a court found all three guilty and sentenced them to prison terms and lashes. Sawadi, in addition, will be deported after serving her term. The verdict noted that because Sawadi "doesn't have a husband and because she is not a Saudi, conviction of the defendants of illegal mingling has been confirmed." (March 9, 2009) May 21, 2009 update: An appeals court reversed the judgement against Sawadi.

"Boys will be boys" defense of rape by female lawyer: Fatima Al Hawaj, a female defense lawyer in Bahrain, is representing three young men, ages 19, 20 and 21, accused of the abduction and gang rape of a 24-year-old Filpina last September. Driving a rental car, the men allegedly followed her as she walked home from work at a hotel in Manama, grabbed her by the hands, dragged her into their car, drove her to an isolated area in Askar, gang raped her, stole her mobile phone and purse (which contained cash), and dumped her in the middle of the desert. The Filipina subsequently identified her abductors' car' rape test results turned up positive for the defendants' DNA.

Hawaj defended the actions of her three clients yesterday before the High Criminal Court by arguing they should be acquitted because "minors' often commit crimes without criminal intent. "It is general knowledge that youngsters commit crimes for the fun of it and not with the intention to harm others and I request the court to take that into consideration and clear my clients of the charges." (March 4, 2009)

Pleasure-marriage contract with a 9-year-old girl: Rami 'Aleiq, the former head of the Hizbullah Students Union at the American University in Beirut, gave an interview about himself to Rotana Music TV on August 25, 2008, and which MEMRI has today made available. In it, the interviewer quotes 'Aleiq's book:

When I went on trips, I used to go secretly with several young friends to the Al-Marja neighborhood in Damascus. We would go to a hotel in order to have sex with prostitutes for 500 Syrian liras per half hour. … None of us would make physical contact with the girl he chose before signing a formal pleasure-marriage contract with her.

Rami 'Aleiq, former Hizbullah student leader and patron of 9-year-old prostitutes.

The interviewer then asks: "Isn't marriage meant to be out of pure intentions? Weren't you conning God this way?" 'Aleiq replies: "You're right. Pleasure-marriage means conning God, as well as ourselves. I am against this way of relating to sex and to women. … This is something that still goes on. It is wrong."

The interviewer asks if 'Aleiq was "an observant Shiite Muslim from Hizbullah?" and 'Aleiq nods in agreement.

The interviewer asks: "How did you ever dare to sign a pleasure-marriage contract with a nine-year-old girl?" and 'Aleiq replies: "In our culture, in order to be able to touch a girl or a woman, there must be a contract of pleasure-marriage."

The interviewer notes: "We are talking about a nine-year-old girl ...," prompting 'Aleiq to justify his actions:

Sure. In Islam, and this is what we were taught, a girl is mature from the age of nine. This is true with regard to Sunnis as well as Shiites. You are focusing on Shia Islam, because I am a Shiite, but according to religious jurisprudence, a girl is mature at the age of nine. This is where we got this idea. I was a child, and so was she, so I was not allowed to touch her, if I didn't form with her the kind of relation that permitted this.

Comments: (1) The idea that a female is sexually mature at the age of nine goes back to Muhammad and 'A'isha. (2) It's bad enough to marry off a girl of nine but to prostitute her is unspeakable. (3) 'Aleiq's misbehavior fits a well-worn pattern, one I briefly explored at "Islamists - not who they say they are" and to which I hope to return. (March 3, 2009)

Mansour and Noha (then 2 years old) al-Timani.

Couple forced to divorce because of husband's "inferior" tribal lineage: The Koran informs Muslims at 49:13, "Verily the most honored among you in the sight of God is the most righteous of you," but Islamic law also includes the doctrine of kafa'a, the idea that a groom must be socially suitable to his bride, an expectation that goes back to the Arabian tribal society from which Islam emerged. According to the Encyclopaedia of Islam, 2^nd edition, kafa'a "designates equivalence of social status, fortune and profession … as well as parity of birth, which should exsit between husband and wife, in default of which the marriage is considered ill-matched and, in consequence, liable to break-up."

Even today, kafa'a rears its ugly head, especially in Arabia itself. Perhaps the best-known case concerns Mansour and Fatima al-Timani, a couple with two children who found themselves forcibly divorced because Fatima's two half brothers decided Mansour was socially unworthy of her. The half-brothers then sued to nullify the marriage, claiming her husband had hidden his inferior tribal lineage. They won a judgment on July 20, 2005.

By that time, the couple had been married for over three years and Fatima was pregnant with the couple's second child. Nevertheless, their marriage had been voided and so the couple could not longer live together. The police evacuated Fatima from their joint home and gave her three choices: live with her half-brothers, move to a women's shelter, or go to prison. She initially chose prison, seeing that as the only way to go beyond her brothers' reach, moving there with her two children.

When the Riyadh Appeals Court confirmed the coerced divorce, Fatima left the prison for a women's shelter. Soon after, her mother come out publicly on the half-brothers' side and Fatima began a hunger strike.

Today marks her younger child, Suleiman's, third birthday. An article on the case notes the costs of the divorce, beyond the obvious ones: "Fatima said she cannot take Suleiman to hospital when he is sick. His name is not included in the family ID card she has. Her husband's ID has also expired and he is unable to renew it because of their pending case." (March 2, 2009)

Gang-rape victim sentenced to 100 lashes for adultery: A sketchy report by Adnan Shabrawi in the Saudi Gazette tells of an unmarried 23-year-old Saudi woman, apparently a resident of Jeddah, who accepted a ride from a man (remember, females may not drive in the kingdom). He proceeded to abduct her to a house to the eastern part of the city where he was joined by four of his buddies; together, the five of them sexually assaulted her through the night.

The rape led to her conceiving a child. At eight weeks' pregnancy, the woman went to the King Fahad Armed Forces Hospital for an abortion. She there "confessed" to what happened – the news report does not explain the circumstances – was arrested and brought before a judge at the District Court in Jeddah. The judge found her guilty of (1) adultery and (2) seeking an abortion. He sentenced her to a year in jail and 100 lashes – with the latter punishment only to take place after she delivers the baby. (February 8, 2009)

Samira Ahmed Jassim al-Azzawi, sponsor of systematic rapes of Iraqi women on behalf of Islamist organizations.

Creating female suicide bombers through systematic rape: From Iraq comes news of the televized prison confession of Samira Ahmed Jassim al-Azzawi, a shopkeeper born in 1958 and the mother of four, telling about her alleged role in recruiting more than 80 young Iraqi women as suicide bombers, 28 of whom actually went on to carry out attacks.

Her method of recruitment? Organizing their rape in order to exploit the deep shame associated with rape in Muslim society in order to push the victims to forfeit their lives as suicide bombers, thereby somewhat redeeming their lost honor.

The Daily Mail quotes Jassim: "I was able to persuade them to become martyrs. Many of the women were broken, depressed, especially those who were raped." The paper goes on to explain that "Jassim's role was to manipulate these rape victims - persuading them they would be better off dead. And once the women had volunteered to become suicide bombers, she delivered them back to insurgents ready for death."

Al-Jazeera quotes Jassim telling about one specific victim, Amal, a teacher who had problems with her husband and his family:

I met Amal and we stayed together for more than two weeks. I talked to her until I convinced her she was in a bad situation - as she had been treated badly by her husband and brothers. She was mentally exhausted. I then took her to see my contacts, then received her back from them at the same delivery place. This is where she then blew herself up".

The New York Times focuses on an August 2007 suicide bombing that killed 12:

Jassim recounted the fate of a woman she called only Um Huda, whom she had led to a neighborhood bank that served as her rendezvous point. "When I was talking to her, she was not answering or looking at me," Ms. Jassim said. "She was mumbling verses of the Koran." "I got her to the bank and left her there," she went on, unemotionally. "She detonated herself at a police station in Muqdadiya."

The Times of London provides more details about the modus operandi of Umm al-Mu'minin, "the Mother of the Believers,":

Jassim is heard in the video apparently confessing to training a female bomber who attacked a police station in Diyala. "I was introduced to her, I began talking to her," she said. She had to talk to one elderly woman several times before persuading her to blow herself up at a bus station, she added. … US officials have said that recruiters often pick on vulnerable women whose husbands have been killed in the violence that consumed Iraq since the invasion. Some even marry the woman and then convert her into a suicide bomber.

Jassim's arrest is no small matter, for female suicide bombers have been a major tactic for al-Qaeda, Ansar al-Sunnah, and other terrorist groups in Iraq to get through the security forces. Checkpoints are typically run by male guards and social imperatives prevent them from frisking women, permitting the latter to carry out operations, especially as their long black robes offer plenty of space to conceal explosives.

Jassim faces the death penalty if found guilty. (February 6, 2009)

Male blackmail of female in Saudi Arabia: When the ancient Saudi practice of veiling women meets the contemporary use of camera-equipped mobile phones, a curious by-product has emerged, that of young men threatening to go public with pictures of young women. As Fatima Sidiya documents, a rash of such cases have occurred in the last six months.

• "Police in Al-Ahsa recently arrested a man in his 20s who blackmailed a 24-year-old woman into giving him SR250,000. The man threatened to publicize photographs of the woman. On arrest, police found SR20,000 [$67,000] in his possession and found that the woman had also bought him expensive watches and aftershave that cost a total of more than SR50,000, according to Al-Watan newspaper."
• Then there was "a case involving a 20-year-old man who blackmailed an 18-year-old girl in Makkah by threatening to publish her photographs on the Internet. The girl sold her jewelry and paid the man SR5,000. A few months later he demanded SR3,000 from her and that she goes out with him."
• "Likewise, a woman in Tabuk remained in constant turmoil for five years at the hands of a worker who threatened to publicize her photographs. In Riyadh, a woman handed a man SR800,000 over 14 years before seeking the commission's help."

This situation arises, as Sidiya cautiously explains, because, pre-marital relations of any sort with the opposite gender "are something frowned upon," so the exchange of photographs or love letters with a male "might cause immense problems to a woman if her family, fiancé or husband were to find out. As a result, some men take advantage and blackmail women into giving them cash or forcing them to have sex."

The problem has reached such proportions – including forty cases recorded in Makkah alone in 2008 – that King Abdullah set up a committee to solve the problem. (December 25, 2008)

Saudi 8-year-old girl must await puberty to divorce: In contrast to Nojoud Muhammed Nasser, the Yemeni girl who marched into court and won a divorce (see below on her), an unnamed Saudi the same age living in Unayzah was not granted the right to divorce. Here's how it happened, according to her lawyer, Abdullah Jtili, and reported by Agence France-Presse:

The girl's father, apparently facing financial difficulties, agreed in August 2008 to marry his daughter to a 58-year-old man for an advance dowry of SAR30,000 (US$8,000). Soon after the father and the groom signed of the marriage contract, which stipulated that the marriage would be consummated when the girl turned 18, her divorced mother began proceedings to have it annulled. In response, says laywer Jtili, "The judge [today] dismissed the [mother's] plea because she does not have the right to file such a case, and ordered that the plea should be filed by the girl herself when she reaches puberty." Jtili noted that "She doesn't know yet that she has been married," though four months have passed since the contract was signed. Jtili plans to appeal the verdict. (December 21, 2008)

Jordanian women agree to being beaten: A survey conducted for unnamed United Nations agencies and including nearly 15,000 Jordanian families and 11,000 married women, aged mostly between 15 to 49 years old, found that around 20 percent of the women approve being beaten by their husbands to be disciplined. (November 26 2008)

Indonesian Muslim imam charged for sex with a 12-year-old wife: Pujiono Cahyo Widianto, 43, imam, owner and head of an Islamic boarding school in Semarang, Java, conducted a contest in which his 26-year-old first wife, Pujis, and some of his followers served as judges to pick his second wife. According to The Jakarta Post, Pujiano married the winner, 12-year-old Lutfiana Ulfa Puji, in August and proceeded to have sexual relations with her. Pujiono reportedly has declared an intention to marry two yet younger girls, 7 and 9.

Lutfiana's parents admit they married their off because of financial difficulties, being unable to send her to school. They hoped the marriage to the rich Pujiono would improve their economic situation. The parents maintain the marriage is valid according to Islam; but it is not registered with the state.

Indeed, modernity has starkly intervened in the case. Hadi Supeno, secretary of the Indonesian Child Protection Commission (KPAI) is planning to report Lutfiana's parents. Pujiono, and Pujis to the police for a criminal investigation. All of them could be charged under the 2002 Law on Child Protection for forcing, swindling and/or trading a minor to have sexual relations. If found guilty, they would face a maximum sentence of 15 years in jail and a fine of $30,000. Additionally, those involved may have violated the 1974 Marriage Law, which requires that a person be 16 years old to marry. Finally, Pujiono will have to undergo psychological testing to see if he should be dealt with as a pedophile. (October 28, 2008)

Male salesmen at Saudi lingerie shops: Sawt al-Mar'a, a Saudi women's organization, has started a boycott campaign against lingerie stores, hoping to pressure the owners to replace their salesmen with sales women. Says the campaign's leader, Reem As'ad, an economics professor at Dar Al-Hekma College in Jeddah:

Reem As'ad wants Saudi women to be able to buy lingerie from female clerks.

We urge every man and woman to help our privacy from being violated by men to whom we are obliged to buy our intimate clothing items. It's the most irritating experience so far to women. … It's really strange that Saudi Arabia is the only country where you see men selling women's lingerie. Women walk around covered from head to toe, and yet they have to discuss the size and material of their undergarments with strange men. Isn't this odd?

The group has labor law on its side, for it calls for women to replace men in women's lingerie."We only want to activate a law that was passed two years ago," notes As'ad. An unnamed source in the Labor Ministry explained that religious elements who oppose the employment of women have delayed implementation: "The ban comes from a strict interpretation of the Islamic principle that women should not mix with men outside their immediate family." (October 15, 2008)

Jan. 18, 2009 update: "Women's campaign for right to sell lingerie fails," reports Najah Alosaimi in the Arab News, despite support from the Jeddah Chamber of Commerce and Industry as well as colleges and training institutes. The "Ban Men from Selling Lingerie" group "sent letters to leading lingerie shop owners stating the importance of complying with the Labor Ministry's guidelines to employ saleswomen, along with the signatures we collected online over the last four months," recounts its organizer, Reem As'ad. "But we haven't received any response." Letters to lingerie stores threatening a boycott did not work: "Even that wasn't enough for them to understand our feelings when we buy lingerie from men."

The reasoning behind men selling bras and panties is complex, Alosaimi explains:

Hiring saleswomen is difficult despite the Ministry of Labor's approval. This is due to conflicting views on the subject between the ministry and the religious establishment. Saudi Arabia's Grand Mufti Sheikh Abdul Aziz Al-Asheikh recently said, "Women are entrusted to us, we should not involve them in matters far from their nature." However, the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice announced that it was not against the idea of saleswomen in lingerie shops as long as they work in women-only malls and do not come into contact with men.

The Nayomi (Na'umi) lingerie stores hire saleswomen.

Despite the group's failure, one chain of lingeries stores has had success with female clerks:

Humaid Diab, sales manger of Nayomi lingerie shop, says recruiting saleswomen is not something new. "Eleven years ago, much before the regulation that restricts men from selling lingerie to women was passed in 2006, we had a women-only lingerie shop called Donya," he said. … He added that his clothing chain has 14 women-only branches across the Kingdom. "They attract a lot of women even in cities, such as Madinah, Abha and Najran, which are considered conservative," he said. "Women prefer to shop from our branches because they are run by women." Following Donya's success, other stores followed suit. Naomy opened a lingerie store at Al-Basateen shopping mall two months ago. Adorned in black abayas, three saleswomen sell women's clothing there.

Sarah Sahel, regional recruiting manager at Nayomi, talked about the impact of hiring women. "Shops that have women staff attract more buyers," she said, adding that customers are not offended when they see women selling lingerie. "It's the opposite! It's even more comfortable for men who take their wives or daughters shopping," she said. Sahel said such shops are successful in business terms. "Lingerie is a women-only matter and only women can really give advice on the issue," she said. "Hiring saleswomen make it more comfortable for women to try clothes on inside the shop or even leave their telephone numbers in case of a sale or the arrival of new stocks ... they are also willing to participate in questionnaires," she said, adding that "this rarely happens when the sales representatives are men."

Mar. 25, 2009 update: A group of about fifty Saudi women launched a campaign yesterday in Jiddah to boycott lingerie stores with male clerks and shop only at the country's few women-only lingerie stores, reports the Associated Press.

A Nigerian man, Mohammed Bello Abubakar, 84, has 86 wives, but probably not for long.

Nigerian imam has 86 wives: Mohammed Bello Abubakar (also known as Mohammed Bello Masaba), 84, a retired Islamic teacher and preacher from Niger State, Nigeria, has 86 wives – not concubines, mistresses, or girl friends, but wives. Abubakar takes pride in his singular accomplishment: "A man with 10 wives would collapse and die, but my own power is given by Allah. That is why I have been able to control 86 of them." His defiance and pride aside, Abubakar does not recommend his lifestyle to other men. Between the 86 women and the 170 or more children, he admits being barely able to cope.

The Islamic authorities in his country, however, are not pleased. The Jamatu Nasril Islam (JNI) has told him to choose four of them, divorce the other 82, and repent for his sins within three days. Failing this, it will sentence him to death. In response, Abubakar defiantly challenged the JNI on the grounds that the Koran prescribes no punishment for a man taking more than four wives. "To my understanding the Koran does not place a limit and it is up to what your own power, your own endowment and ability allows. God did not say what the punishment should be for a man who has more than four wives, but he was specific about the punishment for fornication and adultery." (August 21, 2008) Sep. 16, 2008 update: Police arrested Abubakar on orders Niger State's Islamic court, charged with "infringing on Islamic laws."

Saudi marriage officiant permits one-year-old girls to be married: Ahmad Al-Mu'bi told LBC TV on June 19, 2008 (click here to view the clip on MEMRI TV) that

Marriage is actually two things: First we are talking about the marriage contract itself. This is one thing, while consummating the marriage - having sex with the wife for the first time - is another thing. There is no minimal age for entering marriage. You can have a marriage contract even with a one-year-old girl, not to mention a girl of nine, seven, or eight. This is merely a contract [indicating] consent. The guardian in such a case must be the father, because the father's opinion is obligatory. Thus, the girl becomes a wife. ... But is the girl ready for sex or not? What is the appropriate age for having sex for the first time? … The Prophet Muhammad is the model we follow. He took 'Aisha to be his wife when she was six, but he had sex with her only when she was nine.

(June 26, 2008)

Saudi imam details heavenly sexual delights: Omar Al-Sweilem, a Saudi imam, extols in near-pornographic detail on Saudi television the delights that await the faithful (men) when they find the "black-eyed virgin with her black hair and white face" in heaven. He paraphrases the Sufi sheikh, Harith Al-Muhasibi (c. 781-857):

What hair! What a chest! What a mouth! What cheeks! What a figure! What breasts! What thighs! What legs! What whiteness! What softness! Without any creams – no Nivea, no Vaseline. No nothing! [Ibn Al-Muhasibi] said that faces would be soft that day. Even your own face will be soft without any powder or makeup.

You yourself will be soft, so how soft will a black-eyed virgin be, when she comes to you so tall and with her beautiful face, her black hair and white face – praised be He who created night and day. Just feel her palm, Sheikh! He said: How soft will a fingertip be, after being softened in paradise for thousands of years! There is no god but Allah.

He told us that if you entered one of the palaces, you would find 10 black-eyed virgins sprawled on musk cushions. "Where is Abu Khaled?" "Here, he has arrived!" When they see you, they will get up and run to you. Lucky is the one who gets to put her thumb in your hand. When they get hold of you, they will push you onto your back, on the musk cushions. They will push you onto your back, Jamal! Allah Akbar! I wish this on all people present here.

He said that one of them would place her mouth on yours. Do whatever you want. Another one would press her cheek against yours, yet another would press her chest against yours, and the others would await their turn. There is no god but Allah.

He told us that one black-eyed virgin would give you a glass of wine. Wine in Paradise is a reward for your good deeds. The wine of this world is destructive, but not the wine of the world to come.

(April 16, 2008)

Nojoud Muhammed Nasser, 8, went to court by herself in Yemen.

Yemeni court grants an 8-year-old girl divorce: Nojoud Muhammed Nasser, 8, was told by her father two months ago that it was time for her to marry Faez Ali Thamer, 30. She recounts what happened to reporter Hamed Thabet of the Yemen Times,

My father beat me and told me that I must marry this man, and if I did not, I would be raped and no law and no sheikh in this country would help me. I refused but I couldn't stop the marriage. I asked and begged my mother, father, and aunt to help me to get divorced. They answered, "We can do nothing. If you want you can go to court by yourself." So this is what I have done.

Nasser complained about her husband's behavior.

He used to do bad things to me, and I had no idea as to what a marriage is. I would run from one room to another in order to escape, but in the end he would catch me and beat me and then continued to do what he wanted. I cried so much but no one listened to me. One day I ran away from him and came to the court and talked to them. … Whenever I wanted to play in the yard he beat me and asked me to go to the bedroom with him. This lasted for two months. He was too tough with me, and whenever I asked him for mercy, he beat me and slapped me and then used me. I just want to have a respectful life and divorce him.

Nojoud's husband, Faez Ali Thamer (left), and father, Muhammed Nasser (right), attend her hearing

Indeed, she went by herself to Sana'a West Court on April 2 to find a judge who would permit her to prosecute her father, Muhammed Nasser, and to win a divorce from Thamer on grounds of sexual and domestic abuse. Yemeni law does not permit Nojoud to prosecute, being underage, but Judge Muhammed al-Qathi heard her complaint and subsequently ordered the arrests of both her father and husband.

No charges have brought against either her father, who was later released due to health problems, or the husband, who remains in jail pending further investigation.

Thamer is unrepentant but willing to be flexible: "Yes, I was intimate with her, but I have done nothing wrong, as she is my wife and I have the right and no one can stop me. But if the judge or other people insist that I divorce her, I will do it, it's ok."

Shatha Ali Nasser, a lawyer in the Supreme Court notes that Yemeni civil law states that "no girl or boy can get married before the age of 15" but that a 1998 amendment permits parents to arrange a marriage contract between their children below the age of 15. The husband may not have sexual relations with a young wife until she is physically mature, but the situation invites abuses. Nasser notes that Nojoud's predicament is not unique but she is the first young girl to venture into court by herself. Meanwhile, Nojoud's maternal uncle, Shu'ee Salem Attabi'ee, has become her guardian and she will be placed in Dar Al-Rahama, an NGO for children. (April 9, 2008)

Apr. 17, 2008 update: The AFP, BBC, and AP offer additional details on the case. June 11, 2008 update: Noujoud won her divorce. June 29, 2008 update: Another Yemeni girl, Arwa Abdu Muhammad Ali, 9, left her husband's house and took refuge in a hospital, where she complained of being beaten and sexually abused, making her the second child bride to come forward in less than a month and turning her into a something of a celebrity. Aug. 14, 2008 update: Putting Nujoud's and Arwa's circumstances into perspective, the Yemen Times reports that, in some parts of the country, the average marriage age for girls is ten.

Sleep talking forces couple to divorce: Muslim authorities in India ordered a couple married for eleven years with three children to separate after the man uttered three times in his sleep the formulaic word in the Shari'a for divorce, talaq. When word of the sleep talk reached the ulema, they issued a fatwa telling the couple to live apart and for the woman to marry another man before she can go back to her original husband. (March 28, 2006)

Force-feeding Muslim girls: I review the phenomenon on gavage (force-feeding) among Muslim families in a weblog entry, "The Middle East Explodes with Obesity." One extract from a Wall Street Journal Europe article about 8-year-old girl in the western Sahara, Jidat Mint Ethmane, who

says she was required to consume four liters of milk in the morning, plus couscous. She ate milk and porridge for lunch. She was awoken at midnight and given several more pints of milk, followed by a prebreakfast feeding at 6 a.m. If she threw up, she says, her mother forced her to eat the vomit. … If she balked at the feedings, her mother squeezed her toes between two wooden sticks until the pain was unbearable. … Local officials say some women are so fat they can barely move. In [a Mauritanian] survey, 15% of the women said their skin split as a result of overeating. One-fifth of women said one of their toes or fingers were broken to make them eat.

(December 29, 2004)

Saudi tribal custom forbid husband ever seeing his wife's face: A tribe in Saudi Arabia's Al-Kharj region forbids anyone from seeing a woman's uncovered face, including her husband and children. Raid Qusti summarizes in the Arab News a report of interviews in Sayidaty, a Saudi woman's magazine. I have looked for the full Sayidaty version, but without success, so here follows the Arab News summary:

It often happens that

the first time even a daughter sees her mother's face is after the mother's death. "I always dreamt of seeing my mother's face because I am a woman like her," resident Hissa Al-Massareir told the magazine. "But because of customs and traditions in the family, this was impossible. It was only when my mother died that my dream came true," she added.

Al-Kharj native Muhammad Abdullah has never seen his wife's face. "We've been married for ten years and I've never seen it, not once," he said. The burqa — the garment that covers all of head except the eyes — "is stuck to her face 24 hours a day," he said. This is not for want of trying. "One day I tried to remove the burqa while she was asleep. She was furious. She left and went to her parents' house and returned only after I had signed an undertaking that I would never attempt to do such a thing again."

Saud Al-Otaibi also found his wife fiercely loyal to the custom. "I tried to blackmail my wife by saying I'd marry another woman if she didn't show me her face," he said. But he was in for a surprise. "Instead of giving in she said, all right, marry someone else. And she set me up with a friend of hers who wasn't so strict in her adherence to the custom, and I married her."

Others report that they have become so used to not seeing the faces of even close relatives that they would be shocked if they did. "I have never seen my mother's face," Ahmed Bikhait told the magazine. "I tried many times but was always rebuffed. By now I'd think it weird if she suddenly unveiled her face," he added.

A woman in her sixties explained that this tradition, like many others, is disappearing fast. "We have inherited these customs from time immemorial, and they are normal to us," she said. "But of course our children don't believe in these traditions any more."

The imam of a mosque in the region, Ayid Al-Dosari, said there was no sin in a woman unveiling her face to her husband or children and the phenomenon had to be attributed to tribal customs rather than religion. "This has nothing to do with Islam," he said. "It's simply one of the traditions that some tribes follow. In Islam, a husband can, of course, see the whole of his wife's body. The face is the least he's entitled to," he said. "But these are inherited customs and these people follow them. There is nothing I can do about that," he added.

(September 4, 2003)

May 19, 2008 update: London's Daily Mail offers some examples of husbands not seeing their wives faces over periods of decades. The first anecdote concerns a husband who, after 30 years of marriage, tried to peer under his 50-year-old wife's veil as she slept.

It was an error he is unlikely to be given a chance to repeat for his outraged wife woke up during his sneak peek and is now demanding a divorce. "After all these years, he tries to commit such a big mistake," she told Saudi newspaper Al-Riyadh after leaving the house in disbelief. She said her husband apologised and promised never to do it again, but she insisted she wanted a divorce.

The paper gives two other examples of permanently covered wives: When, after ten years of marriage, Ali al-Qahtani tried to remove his wife's face covering, "she threatened to leave and only decided to stay after he swore never to try again." The same goes for Om Rabea al-Gahdaray, 70, whose husband and children have never seen her face.

It was a family tradition, also followed by her mother and sisters, which her husband accepted and never tried to change, she said. When asked how she could have children without her husband ever seeing her face, she replied: "Marriage is about love, not faces."

Related Topics:  Islam, Sex and gender relations receive the latest by email: subscribe to daniel pipes' free mailing list This text may be reposted or forwarded so long as it is presented as an integral whole with complete information provided about its author, date, place of publication, and original URL.