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To Nuray, Story of why I left Islam

Reader comment on item: Is Allah God?
in response to reader comment: To Ayesha: How your life has changed after Islam? Tell us more ...

Submitted by Ayesha (United States), Dec 4, 2005 at 01:16

Dear Nuray, You want to know my honest story. Here it is.

I was a an ignorant conservative pious muslim with high morals.But I had problem with many ayas. Someone said, to understand quran you have to read hadiths and sira to get it's chronology and context. So I decided to read hadiths. I became very disturbed and furious when I read about real Mohammed and that I was lied to by imams all my life .They only told me good hadiths and never mentioned hadiths about his sexual exploits, sex with slave girls,his many young wives, killings, lootings, robberies, sex with captured women etc. Why, Why Why?

Needless to say they were hiding his faults.They were protecting their own bread by keeping our iman intact... I was shocked beyond belief that a person whom I was told was a model for all humans was worse than a common criminal, a killer, a mass murderer.a person who practised pedophilia and polygamy , a person who killed innocent people and distributed innocent women among jihadis, a person who had sex with captured women and slave girls a person who did not earn a day of honest living once he became muslim and in Madina he earned his livelihood through robbery and looting. I cried for many days. I asked around . Every one gave me run around.No body could satisfy me. I decided to read all hadiths and siras myself in cordination with quran since I am well educated (I have a master'd degree) and a decent IQ. I read Ishaq, Tabari and waqqidi. I read Bukhari, Muslim, and Abu Dawood. I read asab e nuzool. Every thing matched with quran . They all cofirmed what he did. I realized that since all sira and hadith writers were pious believers, they must have exaggerated prophet's good points but could not be making up his violent activities. It left no doubt in my mind that he was a very violent man who enjoyed sex and wanted power by hook or by crook.. He was a narcissist. He was epileptic who took advantage of his epileptic siezures to fake revelations. Believe me it was not easy to arrive at it, I went on many muslim websites, talked to imams and read their books. I found them often lying, hiding truth.In the end they threatened with hellfire. I realized muslims were kept in fold through fear of hell fire. Mullahs and imams started disgusting me.

I started reading muslim history of India written by muslims sometimes by the invaders themselves.They spread islam by sword.It was y disgusting. They killed hundered million hindus in 1000 years. Worst were Mohammed Bin Qasim, Mahmood Ghaznavi and Taimur.

I still believe in a God, but a just God, a loving fair god who judges based on human's good deeds not if a man went to Haj or killed infidels or how many times he prostrated. I dont drink nor approve of it neither I approve of lewd lifestyle. I feel much more free and happy now and am much more cofident of my God's approval of my character than I was ever under islam. Under islam I was always guilty since I could never carry out all the super strict requirements of rituals, prayers , food restrictions, niqab etc etc.preached ny mullahs. Every time I went to mosque imam scared the hell out of me. Not any more.
I like character of Jeus. Trinity confuses me. But I believe in one God.

From what I read I could never stay muslim. Sorry no body can ever convince me that Mohammed was a prophet . Ther is no going back. I know too much.His Madina life was that of a worst criminal. he commited worst crimes against humanity. And because of him muslims have neen shedding blood of fellow humans (muslims and non muslims) ever since. I feel that it is my moral obligation to expose truth of islam as long as I live and save ignorant muslims from a cult of hate and violence, which may eventuallt destroy the whole world. That is absolutely my honest story. Thanks for reading.
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