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My Experience As Well

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men
in response to reader comment: Greed

Submitted by Robin (United States), Jun 10, 2020 at 10:31

My Moroccan "husband" came across as so responsible when we met. His father had died when he was 18, so as the head of the household, he was responsible for his immediate family - mother, sister, and grandmother. He claimed to have a university education, but that Morocco made it impossible to find decent paying work. He was "looking for work" when we met. Silly me, I thought I would help him out, bring him to the U.S. so that his hard work and education would pay off. LOL, I never met someone so allergic to work in my life. I discovered he had walked away from decent paying jobs (for Morocco) because they didn't pay him what he wanted, and he actually had to work to keep them. He was constantly "borrowing" money from friends, and God knows who else. When I left him with some money during my first visit to him, to help with immigration costs and to tide him over in caring for his family until he found another job, he was not particularly grateful - in fact, I got the feeling he thought I should have left him with more. In the course of four months, he blew through all of that money - and never explained to me where it went, just that he had "expenses." Before I visited the second time, his only concern was how much money I planned to bring with me. I paid for the Airbnb for the two weeks I was there, the rental car and other travel expenses, and all of the food. Homie didn't even bring me flowers, not even ones he could have picked from side of the road. He bought me absolutely nothing, and paid for nothing, but this time, I didn't leave him any money, using the excuse that I needed to hold on to what I had in order to pay for his immigration costs and airfare. He sent all of our uneaten food (that I had paid for) home with his sister the night before I left, even though he could have come back after taking me to the airport and cleared things out then. Do I feel stupid? Of course. But this is what happens when you trust someone who is untrustworthy. I didn't think anyone would be such a blatant scumbag, because I could never do something like this. He had lived his entire life in a crappy apartment without even a hot water heater, with a bedroom the size of a closet, but he had designer clothes and expensive watches and sunglasses out the rear end. Nothing else to show for having worked for at least 12 years (but how much of that 12 years he was actually employed is debatable). I can't feel sorry for someone living in poverty, when they have had many opportunities yet squandered them. You would think he would have been grateful for someone like me, who was willing to do so much for him for nothing in return, but he wasn't. He acted like he was entitled. Needless to say, he never made it to the U.S., because I withdrew the petition and told the government why, that he had not married me in good faith and was only using me. I made sure to email him a copy of the letter I sent them, to which he only responded in a snotty way before dropping off the face of the earth. I didn't hear from him again for more than eight months, when, out of the blue, he emailed me like nothing had happened. I didn't respond. He got angry, and emailed me a couple of more times, but I never responded. Hopefully, he has gotten the message, and I'll never hear from him again - it's now been three and a half months. I can't believe the level of disrespect from him. Here I, as a single female, have managed over the course of my life to purchase two homes and four vehicles, hold down the same jobs for several years, sometimes working two jobs at a time. I have had several financial setbacks (of which he is one), yet still managed to pull myself out, time and again, with no help from anyone. He could have done the same, yet he's always blamed everyone and everything else for his lot in life (now, including me). I'm sure he will continue to do the same, for the rest of his life, but that is no longer my problem. I will never be able to understand his attitude, but like I told him, you reap what you sow. If he continues to live his life as he always has, he will live and die miserable. This is sad, but you can't help someone like that - it's best to just leave them to their misery.

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Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".

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