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I'm seeing his true colours

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men
in response to reader comment: To Tracey Re: Kurdish Man

Submitted by Tracey (United Kingdom), Feb 26, 2020 at 12:10

I have been reading previous posts from years back ... I can start to relate to them all now.
I might be repeating myself if you have read my previous posts .. but I wanted to start again briefly for new readers.
I met a very handsome charming Kurdish man on holiday in Turkey 7 months ago. He asked me on a date, I went and was completely smitten with him.
I am a few years older than him as he tells me he isn't sure of his proper age and anyway age is just a number (you have all probably heard the same line)
We exchanged numbers etc and when I returned home we was both constantly on the phone to each other.
I went back 4 weeks later and stayed with him. I met some of his brothers, nephews and many of his friends - they all treated me like a queen - he made it quite clear to everyone who I was and we was together and whatever I wanted or needed I would have - and I did.
I had fallen completely in love with this man! I returned home and the phone calls etc was still full on - this man completely had my heart.
I returned back to him 5 weeks later and stayed again with him for over two weeks.
We had many many deep conversations, I felt like we knew sooooo much about each other.
He swore on his Mother's life he wasn't married (and he wasn't) I have 2 older children which he did say because I would be classed as divorced it might be a problem which concerned me.
He told me he was asked for an arranged marriage but he refused ... he said he never felt like he could love anyone until he met me, I was his world and more. His brother is married to an English girl so I knew it wouldn't be a problem with us being together.
He wanted us to marry and have children. You are my world, my life, my everything Tracey - we will have an amazing future.
He spoke with his Mom and told her about me and said he wanted us to be together forever. I also spoke to his mom on phone and FaceTime (she can't speak English) but he translated and she seemed and said she was very happy. She had excepted me he said.
I continued to meet more of his family and his Dad, I was part of the family now.
We did have arguments some days which would cause us to fight and it was mainly over money, and yes I did over the time give him money, I didn't see it as a problem - after all we are together and we will share and have everything together.
We went to beautiful restaurants and did lovely things together which he paid for.
When it was nearly the end of my time there we was both heartbroken that I had to come back home ... he pushed me to rebook my flight and for us to go away on holiday (season in Turkey was finished) which I did for 7 weeks later.
The calls, messages and face time still was full on when I returned home and we was both counting the days until we was back together.
I am a clever grown up business woman ... and he had played me well. I was always very guarded but he smashed through all my guards and had me in love with him.
3.5 weeks later when I returned home, a video of his wedding was uploaded on social media - I thought I was going to have a massive heart attack!! Even the morning and through the day of his 'wedding' he was on the phone to me telling me how much he was missing me and how much he loved me!!
I went mad down the phone and begged him to tell me truth - is it your wedding today?? He completely denied it and still to this day he is denying it!!!
My world has been destroyed!!! He put his brothers, Mom and Dad on the phone to me to convince and promise me he wasn't married - the video I saw was from a circumsion party (no it wasn't)
I was going to be his wife - I only want and need you Tracey promise on my mom life I'm not married!!!
Every night he continued to face time from his bed sometimes for 2/3 hours to prove to me he isn't married - I have no idea where he hid the wife (I'm 99% sure he got married)
2.5 weeks after his 'wedding' I went back to be with him and we went on holiday for 2 weeks ... he let me look on his phone and swore to me he has no wife!! We stayed at his cousins house with his cousins - if I was married we wouldn't be able to stay here and share the same bed. He had me convinced he was telling me the truth.
He explained more about his culture and asked me read up so I understand the way he is. The way they are I'm sure is programmed into them. They are all the same in everything they do. He told me he could never have a life with a Kurdish girl, they stay at home to cook and clean. He said we have and will have a life, I want to share my life with you Tracey. How could I not believe him ... he begged me not to ask him again about been married ... the only love he has is for me!
I started to read about Islam and I came across this site etc ... I thought I was reading about him!!
He really can't see he's doing anything wrong because this is all he knows!! If I don't agree with him we argue and fight until eventually I say yes to shut him up. When I say yes he bends over backwards and treats me like royalty ... if you say yes in the beginning Tracey I won't need to hit you ... if you want a woman who says yes, no, then find a Kurdish woman because that isn't who I am!!!
I've started to see things different with what I've read.
4 weeks later I went back and I've just returned after 10 days with him.
He has spent more time with me than he has with his wife (he still denies he's married and his friends still deny it too even though they was on the video too)
He puts his mom on the phone to me to convince me he is telling me the truth ... they are all in on the 'scam' I believe I have been scammed which makes me feel physically sick!
I truly loved this guy and wanted the rest of our lives together. There is so many red flags which I've started to see.
In the last 7 months we have visited some beautiful amazing cities and made some lovely memories together.
He's begging me to go back next month (season starts again then)
I love him but he played me very well which no way would I of ever thought this would happen to me.
Please learn their culture it is who they are, I don't want to sound offensive when I say that because he is everything a woman would ever want ... but they lie and cheat for their own personal gain and you are left heartbroken. If you after a fling great because that's all it will ever be is an expensive fling ... they will always go back and marry their Kurdish virgin bride back at home.
I'm slim, attractive business woman who has a comfortable life back at home and he took full advantage and I allowed it.
I do believe he loves me and wanted a future with me but he got asked for an arranged marriage and he couldn't say no ... even though he will never admit he's married.
It breaks my heart as he's expecting me next month, I told him I will only come but I'm not sending or bringing anymore money ... he said you don't need to bring any money I will look after you as we are together lol
Please don't fall for the same spell I did ... and when I read previous posts I've said to myself 'oh god I wouldn't do that or fall for that' but I did xx

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Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".

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