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9 year relationship with Algerian

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men

Submitted by Mercedes (United States), Oct 23, 2019 at 01:32

I was in a 9 year relationship with an Algerian man, we got engaged and we "loved" each other. He is from the US and already had citizenship, I lived with his family for almost 4 years. However, he was a compulsive lier, he would speak to women and make women speak to him in a way as if they were in a relationship with him( which now makes sense this women actually believed they were on a relationship with this child of a man) He every time gaslighted me and made me feel as if I was over reacting and he would even use his family to cover up and convince me it was all a misunderstanding, he manipulated his family hence how easy it was for him to manipulated me. He would say this women loook for me because of who I am, women just look for me and start talking to me, they mean nothing compare to you, no one will ever mean anything but you, they are envious of you because you are my women, this women are mentally ill, they want to get out of their country because they are miserable in Algeria, they have bad families so they open up to me. (Now this all sounds so crazy, to think a man can have time and energy to engage in so many conversations with women) He was really good at making me feel like a queen that was backstabbed and lied to. It was a very narcissistic relationship he thought he was better than anyone and everyone. He is the oldest son of the Morceli the runners family. Sadly the family itself had more issues that I can describe, every family have issues but the issues I saw were the same issues we had as a couple; manipulative, liying, private, secretive family dimamics. I tried to be patient and understand the cultural differences but at the end nothing I did or I tried to save the relationship he just showed me his true colors. Every year he would go back to his country once a month to "release his stress and go back to his mother land" which makes sense but he would go for a whole month and out of the 9 years he refused to take me in the name of many many excuses. His mother even wanted to take me at some point of the relationship yet by the end of our relationship she also started to say the many excuses. Ok now at the end what broke the glass of water was this women sent me a message on Instagram from Algeria saying if I knew my ex and I said yes that's my fiancé. She later sent me pictures of conversations and voice memos that she had with my ex through watsup... this women was from his country at this point I saw how fake how manipulative and controlling deceptive this people are. After we broke up he manipulated the situation again and made me feel as if he was the one who needed a break from the relationship and to give him a year to fix himself that he would work on himself to be a good man for us. He said that he didn't want a relationship and he was not going to look for anyone. A few weeks later I find that he already had someone and that he took her to his home to what was our room and he would use the same nicknames he and I had with her, took her to our favorite get seats and at this point I was in such a traumatic mind space. What I realized through reading through forums like this is that they do not respect women what so ever, we are here to serve them, they aren't capable to love because they don't love themselves. Culturally they are brought up in this way... the last conversation I had with his mom who I told everything that had happened she said to me: " why are all Arab man like this?" with the saddest face I could have ever seen. I moved away, changed my phone number and now am healing from the fake idea of him, a future with him. He contacted my brother a few days ago asking for my phone number I told my brother to never give it to him. One thing you have to understand is that this people talk a good talk they will not have actions align with their words. This man knows where my family lives, this man knows my mothers phone number, this man knows my email, he has the means to travel back to his country he is a 31 years old with no job but gets money from his rich father to invest on his "business" so with all of that if he wants me after 9 years he will do anything to get me back but I doubt it! The day he contacted my brother I went and snoop on the new girl he has an Asian student exchange as a girlfriend" who had in her Instagram pictures of flowers he had sent to her that same weekend with again the same inner joke we had!! So I said to myself what a looser! this people as much as they want to hide things and keep things from the women that they are using tricking into thinking they have a relationship with them they will always get caught! Even if he were to come find me heck I would probably ask my brother to kick him out and punch him! Don't get me wrong I loved this man blindly I loved him we were stuck to each other's hip but the way he manipulated me and gaslighted me and made me feel my values could be bent because our love deserved it; I went into a depression, I felt alone, and I have to fight my trauma daily. Sadly women that find this (just as I did) find it only after the trauma and issues have come to the end... we can only heal and learn to love ourselfs in order to see the red flags we didn't want to see at the start of the relationship. I hope no one has to go through this and I can't believe this happened still, I more than anyone defended Muslim people but this has just changed my heart and it's sad but we can't fall with the same piece of rock. So if you have any doubt of your relationship it's a red flag! Get out because I don't want you to suffer the way I am currently suffering it's a trauma that it's hard to explain and no one will ever understand unless they went through it themselves. So again if you are doubting anything if you aren't sure sweetie run! because it's so much better to live alone free and in peace than in mental hell.

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Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".

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