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My 2 Cents

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men

Submitted by Standfree (United States), Jun 2, 2014 at 04:45

I have read and reread so many of these post for over a year now. It's taken that long to get back from Egypt to my own country. It took a lot of planning some big cash exchange and some awesome people I will forever be grateful to. My decent into a life of hell started 13 years ago. I love my husband to this day, everyday is a struggle but I'm free, I'm finding me again.

It started great, I wouldn't have to change religions he said, we wouldn't force our children to be muslim he said,. He's not like that he said, he didn't want to come to live in the USA he said. He would never beat me he said. I could do everything and dress how I wanted in Egyptian he said.

Wow, all that changed. The beatings didn't start until recently. But the mental torture was deep. I wish sometimes he would have just beat me physical scars can go away, mental abuse that's hard. His family loves me, his mom she's my heart, and probably a big part of why I stayed for so long.

I hear your stories and feel your pain. For years I watched as naive young, old, middle aged woman from all backgrounds came to Egypt wide eyed in love and determined to prove everyone wrong. I was shocked and disgusted at the ways they were treated. Most of the woman I meet were no less then the 3rd or 4th ones to come to Egypt to visit the same friends of my husband.

You know, if you do not meet his mom, family, but especially his mom. It's not real, Egyptians love their mom's, adore their mom's. So if you don't, there's a problem. True blue Egyptians do not date, they do not take you out and about alone, there is always someone with you. If he does question this.

There is no such thing as a "modern muslim" if they respect you and love you this won't happen. Egyptian men are proud men, they will not ask for money from you especially if your not married. It won't happen, if it does take heed. You and your children become his property, you and your children once married are considered muslim and if you didn't read the fine print, you agreed to all of it. If you decide to become muslim, we all know regardless of what you say the majority of the reason, the real reason is because you were marrying a muslim.

If you do change religions, my advice is to read the Qur'an front to back first, because you agree to all of it whether you read it or not. That's just how it is. And trust me, it will be thrown in your face that you knew that's how it is. Oh, and don't try the" you said I wouldn't have" argument with him. I will give you his answer now it will most likely be "it's not me that says you have too, it's Allah" and guess what you agreed to it. whether you think so or not that's just how it is. It makes me laugh when I read woman say not in my home I wear the pants, ha, that may be true until he says so. And yes if he wants to divorce you it's that simple he says your divorced its done even if your in another country. And if you refuse he will just leave and remarry and good luck getting any support. If your lucky enough to get the kids. If this all happens in Egypt, unless you are lucky have someone in another country with money and connections to help you out, your kids go to him everything goes to him. Yes, most lie they do not take responsibility for their actions they will take you down so low you start to believe the horrible things he will say to you.

They will go, and keep coming back like a bad dream. Just when you think you can finally breath again, bam out of the blue he will contact you. So you have blocked delete change numbers whatever make a clean cut end. Just cut it off. If you feel you have to find out and continue, God be with you. Sometimes you don't need to see what you already know. I didn't meet my husband on the internet, so I can't know that attraction, but I have seen many women meet many women that have met my husband's friends online.

And to echo a lot of people on here, you're not the only one he is talking to. Most do not have internet connections in the home, so they are chatting to you from the internet cafe. And all those pic you send, everyone there is seeing them. That's a fact.

If he's lucky to have a job he's only making a few hundred dollars a month. If he has a car it's probably a family car if he has one at all. The flat you live in, either you will buy it, or its not his. If you have to pay rent, you will be working. And good luck finding a job.

If you move to your country, well you will be the main support, he will want to go to school more likely so yes he will stay with you until he's done even if he gets his visa. Some woman say, he knows I don't have money that doesn't matter, you will need to work hard to provide for him. If you are older then him, this is touchy and by no means am I being rude, I'm just stating what I have seen, no matter what he tells you it's not ok. If you are older and can't have kids, if he says that's ok he is flat out alising to you. Egyptian mom's want their children to have children if you can't, and he's with you, red flag he won't disappoint his mom. No matter what he says. I would question his beliefs if a muslim man ever said he didn't want children. Oh, and if you already have kids and he says that's enough they will be mine. Lie, oh don't get me wrong he will love them, but they can never be his he can't adopt. The children carry his full name and have to be his to do that.

If you think for one minute that you're safe cause he has your photo on th or posted everywhere and all his friends know you. He could still be married, and if you're sending money his wife doesn't care she gaining her kids are too. I have seen a man chatting with some poor woman online while his wife was right next to him.you have to understand, different culture, different understandings.

You might be asking, did my husband talk to other woman or cheat on me. I used to pray he would, I even tried to be him and hook up with some chick on line. But unfortunately, he was the jealous type he didn't ever leave me alone, he was with me 24/7 we worked together until the business went down with all the problems there. Then he decided I would sell my home in the USA, cash out my 401K and give it to him, because I was stupid and didn't know how to handle money. Ha right … but anyways I don't know if he did or when he could have. He was verbally abusive mentally, then in the late physical abuse.

Listen, no one can tell you if you love someone or not, but there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with an idea of someone.

Is it hard to leave oh my, yes yes it is. To come off a high of what you felt as true live, it will hurt. I cried all day everyday, I felt I couldn't breath. My reality of what was my life was gone I was scared, afraid for my life, the safety of my girls. I couldn't sleep, I ached for his voice, ached for him. I became so weak I called him. His words to me, "come back baby I'm your husband, I love you, miss you so much."

Had he stopped with those words I may have gone back, but the words that followed, woke me up eyes wide open. He continued on with, "I forgive you, I'm patient at you, I know you're sick in the mind, only a sick woman would ruin her life by leaving. Come back and we will get you help." My whole body became ice, I knew at that moment, I can never return to him or Egypt he will have me committed, and take our children. I still have bad days, sad days, lonely days. But it gets easier, one-day I realized I hadn't cried, I realized I hadn't wanted to die. It's a struggle . But trust me it's nothing compared to the he'll you will live if you stay.

I haven't said everything, and I skipped around, but If you wish to talk, I'm here contact me at standfree2014@gmail.com. I'm here, I've lived it. I survived.

Submitting....

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w/response from Daniel Pipes
BaffledFeb 17, 2020 11:12257819
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9Response to [why are you still not cleaning up this thread?] [111 words]Also BaffledFeb 26, 2020 10:26257819
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w/response from Daniel Pipes
NataliaJan 23, 2020 14:17257422
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27United by one, divided by zero ;) [376 words]
w/response from Daniel Pipes
ShömiJan 22, 2020 20:17257407
18could be right shomi could be one poster posting under many names [103 words]observerJan 23, 2020 17:53257407
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4Lana Reply [75 words]NataliaFeb 19, 2020 20:58257407
8Whom are you talking to??? [20 words]Lana(USA)Feb 20, 2020 23:04257407
4Lina/Lana [46 words]NataliaFeb 21, 2020 17:33257407
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4Lina/Lana [175 words]NataliaFeb 22, 2020 13:08257407
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5Ashamed to Use Your Name? [111 words]NataliaFeb 27, 2020 13:24257407
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6Natalia [29 words]It doesn't matter what my name is.Feb 28, 2020 19:24257407
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2Oh My... [33 words]NataliaMar 6, 2020 14:44257407
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9All women are potential targets [317 words]Flo-Ri-DaMar 7, 2020 18:14257407
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18This forum is losing it's audience [38 words]
w/response from Daniel Pipes
Concerned ReaderJan 22, 2020 15:23257392
7Dr.Pipes!Let's go back on track! [130 words]Lana(USA)Jan 22, 2020 18:33257392
7The Forum, Daniel Pipes [138 words]Flo-Ri-DaJan 22, 2020 19:23257392
14In response to Daniel Pipes [65 words]Someone else annoyed with the fightingJan 23, 2020 12:54257392
9I think the forum is back to normal now and welcome back Jordana [184 words]JessicaJan 24, 2020 21:54257392
6Peace to all!!!! [464 words]Lana(USA)Jan 26, 2020 16:35257392
3Thanks and hello Jessica [20 words]Jordana Ghannam-AhmedJan 27, 2020 01:39257392
5I'm still here Jordana [163 words]JessicaJan 29, 2020 22:38257392
3Agree [24 words]jessica (canada)Feb 1, 2020 14:15257392
1WHAT GOES ON HERE IS NOT OF ALLAH!!!!!! [90 words]LexiJan 22, 2020 11:02257375
20Oh Really???? [106 words]Not Muslim,never will be!!!Jan 22, 2020 13:46257375
11ok then Lexi, if this forum is not of "ALLAH"...you better leave [9 words]ChelseaJan 22, 2020 14:03257375
1No [16 words]LexiJan 22, 2020 14:10257375
1No [74 words]LexxiJan 22, 2020 14:15257375
13*Typo [40 words]Not Muslim,never will be!!!Jan 22, 2020 14:19257375
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17Sodemy & Muslims [24 words]AlenaJan 22, 2020 15:18257375
9Lexi..Lexxi [70 words]ShadowJan 22, 2020 15:41257375
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6SO WAKE UP LEXI [27 words]jessica (canada)Jan 22, 2020 15:59257375
8MUSLIM MEN [52 words]jessica (canada)Jan 22, 2020 16:03257375
3I live in US [26 words]NataliaJan 23, 2020 12:11257375
8Not wrong but... [103 words]Jordana Ghannam-AhmedJan 24, 2020 12:31257375
3Talk talk talk [31 words]ValerieJan 22, 2020 01:26257371
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11TRUTH [99 words]NataliaJan 20, 2020 17:27257333
8Thats right Chelsea well said [81 words]JessicaJan 21, 2020 18:05257333
14Allow me to tell you a story [457 words]ShömiJan 18, 2020 09:26257233
4This is Nikki's post. i think she typed it in another forum not this one [363 words]jessica (canada)Jan 20, 2020 15:39257233
102Back and Responding to the Sensible Observations as well as the Non-sense [366 words]NataliaJan 17, 2020 11:26257202
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13Trolls [145 words]ChelseaJan 21, 2020 12:01257202
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6All the dislikes [27 words]JessicaJan 21, 2020 18:10257202
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3Chelsea like I said poor lonely soul [19 words]JessicaJan 21, 2020 21:47257202
4Salaam Alaikum [61 words]Jordana Ghannam RatebJan 21, 2020 21:55257202
12Natalia. You must need something because your actions here show you to be unstable. [298 words]RobertJan 22, 2020 13:35257202
5Idiot Thinking [31 words]NataliaJan 22, 2020 14:18257202
5Robert [312 words]NataliaJan 22, 2020 14:42257202
12Natalia [255 words]RobertJan 23, 2020 01:43257202
10Well said Robert [18 words]AlenaJan 23, 2020 03:53257202
5I won't share my story now [63 words]AlenaJan 23, 2020 16:38257202
7Yes Robert [78 words]Polly (USA)Feb 8, 2020 23:48257202
4Polly Response [210 words]NataliaFeb 10, 2020 12:26257202
4Jessica. really acts like bully and unstable [17 words]SusanJan 16, 2020 18:28257196
10oh really these women are so unstable Susan including you [65 words]jessica (canada)Jan 17, 2020 16:02257196
10Did I bullied anyone LOL [53 words]JessicaJan 19, 2020 22:20257196
5I dare the troll will make up another name [196 words]JessicaJan 21, 2020 01:27257196
13No Jessica, you did not bully anyone, you just tellin it like it is [108 words]ChelseaJan 21, 2020 11:41257196
4Well said Chelsea [277 words]JessicaJan 21, 2020 21:23257196
6SUSAN/AMY/DIANA VERY UNSTABLE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES MENTAL ILLNESS [26 words]JessicaJan 21, 2020 21:54257196
4Jessica you're obsessed with someone [117 words]DianaJan 16, 2020 18:04257195
12Hahahaha Nice Tried Diana [153 words]jessica (canada)Jan 17, 2020 16:19257195
7Regarding "MOVING" [27 words]jessica (canada)Jan 17, 2020 16:21257195
20Amy/Diana/Susan the same person [74 words]jessica (canada)Jan 17, 2020 18:41257195
8By the way [11 words]jessica (canada)Jan 17, 2020 19:07257195
15Jessica ,you're right!!!LADIES,LETS STICK TO THE PUROSE AND TOPIC OF THE FORUM !!! [87 words]Lana(USA)Jan 19, 2020 17:13257195
8Yes Lana all these trolls are one person [41 words]JessicaJan 19, 2020 18:26257195
7I'm a "Troll" - That's Why My Comments Have the Most "Likes" Right? [38 words]NataliaJan 20, 2020 08:18257195
7Hahaha your comments has most dislikes [42 words]JessicaJan 20, 2020 13:53257195
2Sorry phone typo again [20 words]jessica (canada)Jan 20, 2020 18:21257195
2Your posts have most dislike Natalie [30 words]JessicaJan 21, 2020 18:16257195
5What has this forum come to? [100 words]Jordana Ghannam-Ahmed (Egypt)Jan 22, 2020 05:39257195
12Movie for you women to watch [64 words]JowaJan 16, 2020 13:59257191
7Just a movie nothing more [28 words]jessica (canada)Jan 17, 2020 16:08257191
8Brainwashing [11 words]Not Muslim,never be!Jan 18, 2020 14:00257191
4Right Over Your Head [28 words]NataliaJan 19, 2020 15:01257191
4I'm Going to [4 words]NataliaJan 19, 2020 15:02257191
5Veer Zaara [74 words]LinaJan 19, 2020 15:25257191
9Not muslim never be..loved your name [40 words]JessicaJan 20, 2020 00:00257191
26The NEED to protect your "honor" [204 words]Lana(USA)Jan 20, 2020 09:56257191
3Veer Zaara [94 words]JowaJan 20, 2020 11:55257191
3Haha spot on Lana and they are do jealous of us. [107 words]JessicaJan 20, 2020 14:02257191
3you know alot about our culture it seems [104 words]Lexi-con of virtueJan 20, 2020 17:19257191
2This does not sound right [235 words]Anna 85May 17, 2020 22:10257191
4MOVING [67 words]amyJan 13, 2020 03:13257135
12OH POOR AMY [174 words]jessica (canada)Jan 13, 2020 19:52257135
12AMY/NATALIE [107 words]JessicaJan 13, 2020 23:35257135
8Confused [23 words]LinaJan 14, 2020 17:35257135
2Typo on phone [21 words]JessicaJan 14, 2020 17:55257135
10Confused as well... [125 words]Lana (USA)Jan 15, 2020 15:11257135
7OK so [9 words]DeeJan 16, 2020 13:42257135
6I believed they are the same person Lina [30 words]jessica (canada)Jan 17, 2020 16:06257135
11Be back soon [371 words]LinaJan 17, 2020 17:17257135
7TYPO [207 words]Lana(USA)Jan 17, 2020 18:41257135
12As for the trolls [200 words]LinaJan 17, 2020 19:46257135
6Yes IT'S THE SAME PERSON [87 words]JessicaJan 18, 2020 02:01257135
3Right Over Your Head [175 words]NataliaJan 19, 2020 15:09257135
4Lana [83 words]NataliaJan 19, 2020 15:12257135
4Lina [157 words]NataliaJan 19, 2020 15:17257135
12Replies to Lana [61 words]JessicaJan 19, 2020 18:45257135
5Hypocritical Comment [47 words]NataliaJan 20, 2020 12:52257135
4LEARN HOW TO READ AGAIN NATALIE ITS NOT LANA'S POST [60 words]jessica (canada)Jan 20, 2020 18:00257135
16Women's rights [390 words]LinaJan 1, 2020 16:12256990
11You're So Right, Lina [333 words]RobinJan 3, 2020 20:57256990
16Hard to get [292 words]LinaJan 9, 2020 18:01256990
13Bravo,Lina! [336 words]Lana(USA)Jan 10, 2020 01:55256990
3Trying my hardest for my daughter and twin grandsons [248 words]SandraJan 10, 2020 13:32256990
11The first mistake [233 words]LinaJan 11, 2020 20:47256990
6I am glad you stood up to him [223 words]ChelseaJan 11, 2020 21:49256990
76women here bash MENA men but seem to want to be a part of our culture [97 words]LexiJan 12, 2020 15:13256990
17Dear Lexi [158 words]LinaJan 13, 2020 15:08256990
14LEXI READ THE TITLE OF THIS FORUM [174 words]JessicaJan 13, 2020 23:22256990

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