Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men
Submitted by Standfree (United States), Jun 2, 2014 at 04:45
I have read and reread so many of these post for over a year now. It's taken that long to get back from Egypt to my own country. It took a lot of planning some big cash exchange and some awesome people I will forever be grateful to. My decent into a life of hell started 13 years ago. I love my husband to this day, everyday is a struggle but I'm free, I'm finding me again.
It started great, I wouldn't have to change religions he said, we wouldn't force our children to be muslim he said,. He's not like that he said, he didn't want to come to live in the USA he said. He would never beat me he said. I could do everything and dress how I wanted in Egyptian he said.
Wow, all that changed. The beatings didn't start until recently. But the mental torture was deep. I wish sometimes he would have just beat me physical scars can go away, mental abuse that's hard. His family loves me, his mom she's my heart, and probably a big part of why I stayed for so long.
I hear your stories and feel your pain. For years I watched as naive young, old, middle aged woman from all backgrounds came to Egypt wide eyed in love and determined to prove everyone wrong. I was shocked and disgusted at the ways they were treated. Most of the woman I meet were no less then the 3rd or 4th ones to come to Egypt to visit the same friends of my husband.
You know, if you do not meet his mom, family, but especially his mom. It's not real, Egyptians love their mom's, adore their mom's. So if you don't, there's a problem. True blue Egyptians do not date, they do not take you out and about alone, there is always someone with you. If he does question this.
There is no such thing as a "modern muslim" if they respect you and love you this won't happen. Egyptian men are proud men, they will not ask for money from you especially if your not married. It won't happen, if it does take heed. You and your children become his property, you and your children once married are considered muslim and if you didn't read the fine print, you agreed to all of it. If you decide to become muslim, we all know regardless of what you say the majority of the reason, the real reason is because you were marrying a muslim.
If you do change religions, my advice is to read the Qur'an front to back first, because you agree to all of it whether you read it or not. That's just how it is. And trust me, it will be thrown in your face that you knew that's how it is. Oh, and don't try the" you said I wouldn't have" argument with him. I will give you his answer now it will most likely be "it's not me that says you have too, it's Allah" and guess what you agreed to it. whether you think so or not that's just how it is. It makes me laugh when I read woman say not in my home I wear the pants, ha, that may be true until he says so. And yes if he wants to divorce you it's that simple he says your divorced its done even if your in another country. And if you refuse he will just leave and remarry and good luck getting any support. If your lucky enough to get the kids. If this all happens in Egypt, unless you are lucky have someone in another country with money and connections to help you out, your kids go to him everything goes to him. Yes, most lie they do not take responsibility for their actions they will take you down so low you start to believe the horrible things he will say to you.
They will go, and keep coming back like a bad dream. Just when you think you can finally breath again, bam out of the blue he will contact you. So you have blocked delete change numbers whatever make a clean cut end. Just cut it off. If you feel you have to find out and continue, God be with you. Sometimes you don't need to see what you already know. I didn't meet my husband on the internet, so I can't know that attraction, but I have seen many women meet many women that have met my husband's friends online.
And to echo a lot of people on here, you're not the only one he is talking to. Most do not have internet connections in the home, so they are chatting to you from the internet cafe. And all those pic you send, everyone there is seeing them. That's a fact.
If he's lucky to have a job he's only making a few hundred dollars a month. If he has a car it's probably a family car if he has one at all. The flat you live in, either you will buy it, or its not his. If you have to pay rent, you will be working. And good luck finding a job.
If you move to your country, well you will be the main support, he will want to go to school more likely so yes he will stay with you until he's done even if he gets his visa. Some woman say, he knows I don't have money that doesn't matter, you will need to work hard to provide for him. If you are older then him, this is touchy and by no means am I being rude, I'm just stating what I have seen, no matter what he tells you it's not ok. If you are older and can't have kids, if he says that's ok he is flat out alising to you. Egyptian mom's want their children to have children if you can't, and he's with you, red flag he won't disappoint his mom. No matter what he says. I would question his beliefs if a muslim man ever said he didn't want children. Oh, and if you already have kids and he says that's enough they will be mine. Lie, oh don't get me wrong he will love them, but they can never be his he can't adopt. The children carry his full name and have to be his to do that.
If you think for one minute that you're safe cause he has your photo on th or posted everywhere and all his friends know you. He could still be married, and if you're sending money his wife doesn't care she gaining her kids are too. I have seen a man chatting with some poor woman online while his wife was right next to him.you have to understand, different culture, different understandings.
You might be asking, did my husband talk to other woman or cheat on me. I used to pray he would, I even tried to be him and hook up with some chick on line. But unfortunately, he was the jealous type he didn't ever leave me alone, he was with me 24/7 we worked together until the business went down with all the problems there. Then he decided I would sell my home in the USA, cash out my 401K and give it to him, because I was stupid and didn't know how to handle money. Ha right … but anyways I don't know if he did or when he could have. He was verbally abusive mentally, then in the late physical abuse.
Listen, no one can tell you if you love someone or not, but there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with an idea of someone.
Is it hard to leave oh my, yes yes it is. To come off a high of what you felt as true live, it will hurt. I cried all day everyday, I felt I couldn't breath. My reality of what was my life was gone I was scared, afraid for my life, the safety of my girls. I couldn't sleep, I ached for his voice, ached for him. I became so weak I called him. His words to me, "come back baby I'm your husband, I love you, miss you so much."
Had he stopped with those words I may have gone back, but the words that followed, woke me up eyes wide open. He continued on with, "I forgive you, I'm patient at you, I know you're sick in the mind, only a sick woman would ruin her life by leaving. Come back and we will get you help." My whole body became ice, I knew at that moment, I can never return to him or Egypt he will have me committed, and take our children. I still have bad days, sad days, lonely days. But it gets easier, one-day I realized I hadn't cried, I realized I hadn't wanted to die. It's a struggle . But trust me it's nothing compared to the he'll you will live if you stay.
I haven't said everything, and I skipped around, but If you wish to talk, I'm here contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I'm here, I've lived it. I survived.
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