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my experience with a Turkish Muslim man

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men

Submitted by Tina (United States), Dec 8, 2008 at 22:27

I am an American woman who married a Turkish Muslim man and yes it is all about the religion and "his" culture. I converted and I still do not get the respect of his wife that I deserve.

Before I married this man I came across this site and I read all the stories and said to myself "my man is different". Well guess what??? We have been married for less then one yr and we fight constantly about culture and religion. When he doesnt get his way he pouts like a lil boy and punishes me by sleeping on the couch or ignoring me for days. If I do not give in and apologize then we will go on for weeks not talking.

I have accepted Islam 100% and have bent over backwards to accomodate him and his family in everything, with everything. Bottom line is we christian Americans will never understand a muslim upbringing or the way that Turkish men think. It's ingrained in them from the time of birth. They live, eat and breathe Islam and though Islam is a peaceful religion, I find my husband uses it when its convienent for him to control me.

I find that my Turkish man is never wrong and acts as though he is perfect and tells me often that I should be more submissive and our problems would disappear. In his eyes I'd be a great wife if I just agree with whatever he says and do and don't dare ask any questions.

He fooled me with his calm, sensitive, romantic, loving way. He treated me like a queen in the beginning till he had me! Then it was over, I lost all power of myself my money and my children. I have lived a life of emotional manipulation, emotional abuse and I have reached in my pocket and spent my money many times for this man. No matter what I do it's never good enough I am not a good enough wife to him and he will often threaten to marry someone submissive when we divorce.

Suggestion.... do yourself a favor ladies stick with American men, though a good old fashioned one may be hard to find it's worth looking for. I was attracted to him b/c of his family values but little did I know that I would take a backseat to the family all the time. I also have 2 children who he vowed to help me raise and anytime we fight he takes it out on them by giving them the silent treatment.

I'd love to hear other's experiences with Turkish men b/c sometimes he has me thinking that it is me causing all this crap by myself. I have been very hard on myself lately, I even started counseling to keep myself sane. I am now in the process of trying to win my life back and move on it's harder then I thought.. Mainly b/c we still live together b/c I can't make it financially on my own. Please remember I am not stereotyping all muslim or Turks this is my experience only.

Submitting....

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Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".

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