4 readers online now  |  69 million page views

Advice needed

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men
in response to reader comment: Time & Persistence

Submitted by Lani (United Kingdom), Aug 1, 2019 at 05:02

Hi all,

Ive been looking at the comments on this site for a while. I have been married to a morrocon man for 18 months and while things are ok i have just suffered a miscarriage we are currently not living together and 1 week after the miscarriage he was saying i need to find a flat for us to live in i felt like this was getting at me in a vunerable postion.... there has been a few red flags that im either being stupid and insecure as he says or i am right firstly we have only done nikah in the mosque and when i mention a dress and big wedding his face looks confused saying why do i want a big wedding
There has been a few arguments one in paticular where he pinched my arm of course this was my fault for making him angry because i open my mouth. I have been introduced the the family who want to know how much i earn now i personally do not think it is business of them what i earn and how have i not found a place for us to live in this time because i earn an ok salary. I feel like this whole realtionship is on my shoulders and have not found a place for us because i simply feel I am being scammed a little and the family are involved.

Dont get me wrong I am not perfect and lose my temper but i have noticed a pattern in this is that he projects all the blame onto me hence i get angry.
He talks if i had found a place by now we could of brought a property and started life his mum came to visit and ignored me for the 2 months she was here i was fine with this i felt myself again. I met his mum and watched the dynamics between them and he was bossing her around and she was sumbitting to him so i wonder if he has a slight narcissist side i know it is easy to use this word but i done some research about these personalilties.
One weekend i had wanted time to myself and because he felt i abandoned him went to a nightclub bere in mind he didnt tell me he comes to me the next day hadnt washed the stamp from his hand and this is how i found out he didnt deny it just said i had abandoned him that day i found two womens numbers in the phone and when i approch the subject totally loses his temper makes up some story about his sister in law number and then changes this story they were woman before he met me blah blah....

This day i found out i was pregnant and i was overjoyed because i did not think i could have kids his response is his life can begin i felt that was selfish. The next day he says immigration have rang him and are looking for him shows me two letters he has been hiding from me about his immigration status and says its my fault because should of sorted him out by now. I ignore this cos i was just having about enough of all this bullshit quite frankly and was concerned for me and baby a few days down the line i have a voicemail which is a converstion between him and an immigation officer when i asked how did it get to my phone if he was in a call because this was the most bizzare thing.
He has been good in ways but i try to talk my feelings he says i want to much in life and should be happy to have a shared room or small place we can live together and he wants this because he "loves me" i feel i should just not want for a flat or house and im asking to much this is how it makes me feel.

I tell one of his friends i am pregnant her response is he never said u wouldnt tell he would seem happy about it which i gathered from how he was anyway.

I habe recently suffered a miscarriage and while he was being sort of supportive now he keeps pushing for me to find place now in the middle of me suffering the emtional and physical lose and yet again is all about him. He snapped at me last night said i think may have found a place but isnt ready yet and he snapped saying are you just waiting for that u need to do something and i must walk around all day finding flat i said i cant i am still unwell. Although i have never given him money he has always took me out shoppong dinners etc i didnt see this as a red flag but the other stuff doesnt sit right in my heart. Told him i want my baby back he said we can try again and when i try to talk he changes the subject back on to himself. I am no longer invited by the family as i personally believe they are in on the scam and his brother has said to divorce me and my husband will come home and tell me this. Ive gone from being so confident to having panick attacks every time im around him.

Sorry for the long post just wanted advice if I am being played here because he says im insecure and he loves me .

Submitting....

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".

Comment on this item

Mark my comment as a response to Advice needed by Lani

Email me if someone replies to my comment

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".

See recent outstanding comments.

Follow Daniel Pipes

Facebook   Twitter   RSS   Join Mailing List
eXTReMe Tracker

All materials by Daniel Pipes on this site: © 1968-2020 Daniel Pipes. daniel.pipes@gmail.com and @DanielPipes

Support Daniel Pipes' work with a tax-deductible donation to the Middle East Forum.Daniel J. Pipes

(The MEF is a publicly supported, nonprofit organization under section 501(c)3 of the Internal Revenue Code.

Contributions are tax deductible to the full extent allowed by law. Tax-ID 23-774-9796, approved Apr. 27, 1998.

For more information, view our IRS letter of determination.)