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For Didi on Set Marriage Date

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men
in response to reader comment: Marriage date approaching

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Jul 23, 2019 at 00:21

Hi Didi:

I think what you are going through is very normal for the situation, and your honesty is appreciated.

"For those that called it off, did you ever consider going back to give it another chance?"

Long story short, I tried this similary with an American woman once. She didn't change, of course. We got a car and credit cards together, which she ultimately used to have sex with other men. Which was rather laughable considering we weren't really that involved.

In your case, Didi, you don't have to make a life-altering decision just because someone called about a veneue. If you're looking for a storybook ending, heh, it's not going to happen. What you can do is at least put this off and consider what he did to you. So he talked to his uncle. Great. Does that mean he's going to be a grown-up for the next 60-70 years, or in the words of so many others on here, are you going to end up taking care of another child instead of having a loving, supportive partner to help you raise your child? It's very wonderful that you are keeping the baby a priority, but these are some things you'll want to consider.

"And chance these guys change for the good?"

Unfortunately, that is most often not the case. I've been through this to some degree myself and seen close family members go through abuse, and if there is one I have learned about reading the stories on here for almost 13 years it's that getting married is not the finish line. In fact, if you have relationship problems, they are likely to get much worse in marriage.

"I'm so confused, every time I look at my dress and our pictures, I lose it and the tears coming gushing out.".

I understand this all to well. It's normal to react to pictures like that and even I can understand to a point the dream women have of being in the wedding dress. In my case, Didi, that's why I got rid of all the pictures, all the momentos, everything. It was just too much of a drag. It's just a symbol or a snapshot of a moment in time when things at least look good on the surface. But how are they when things get tough? When the baby cries and needs attention, or when you talk to a male friend or coworker? What will your partner be lie then? Will being married to him and having him go off on a tizzy be the best thing for the baby? Will you marry this guy and end and 5 months later end up in a shelter with a custody battle on your hands?

Didi, I think we need to get back to reality and the fundamentals here. If you really even have to ask, you don't trust him. Frankly, you have no reason to. And you cannot go into a marriage with uncertainty and expect it will vanish once you say "I do". Please, just put this off. If that really does make him leave, you've got your answer that you certainly made the right choice. Part of the game that liar, cheats, insecure selfish people pull here is the quick marriage, so you don't have time to think. But if he really wants to work on this, you clearly need more time at the very least. This way, your options are open.

Submitting....

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