Submitted by A person fits in the description (Turkey), Nov 25, 2016 at 22:11
Thank you all for your inputs on the matter.
As a person and a future husband/boy friend I seek to correct my weak points. After reading a few comments under the title I actually realized I also have the same chronic behavior problems. I am sure they are very very frustrating to encounter and be challenged with. I hope you can conquer your hardships and reach your peaceful marriage/relationship soon.
There is actually more than bunch of things that causes most of the problems here. If you allow me I want to list a few.
+Childhood and Family teachings
1- Family forbids/discourages muslim kids to be friends with opposite sex. In a way that's their protection from unrequited love or sinful acts kids might do. However without realizing how severe damage they do to their children. Of course it is crippling their relationships with opposite sex for a lifetime (not if they work hard to reverse it) Yet, I am not denying its positive effects which I won't expand here.
2- Anyone could expect their marriage to be just like their parent's if grown up in a solid family. Which also causes them to be rather "expecting" from other party. In my opinion, it is neither fair nor right. A marriage should be build on common sense and trust which both parties should provide. But cross culture marriages need two more things "open mind" and "time".
3- Also as a matter of fact most muslim families expect women to be "house wife" or at least do the chores. Which is also not really a right thing. This is not only for muslims however. If it was 50 years prior you could say it would be same for most of the world and some of them still apply/expect that fashion.
+Religious matters
1- Islam has a lot of different branches just like Christianity. Sadly some of them are corrupt. I suggest you to read about those in detail and avoid.
2- You definitely don't need to have a religious marriage as long as you have lawful public marriage (on the matter please note that both parties need to have male witness to make it valid in muslim way.) It is also advised to have religious marriage as well, to satisfy the conditions. (which iirc man promises/pays woman a good bounty {82 gram gold} and believe me you don't have to share it with them) :3
3- Also you don't have to share your earnings with them or spend anything on them. Yet be open with this topic and expect the same from them too. Just like any marriage.
4- Teachings sometimes don't apply to corrupt believers either. Don't be fooled. They can lie, they can drink, they can do all the sins they desire. Personal experience, avoid them.
+Language Barrier
It actually destroys many good deeds and things as well as it affects their way of saying things mostly because they don't feel comfortable with that given language unlike their mother tongue. My only suggestion would be try learning their language if you are really investing yourself.
+Other topics
1- Attraction and balance in relationship: please remember women are rather be chased in -relationship. Therefore it is your duty to keep them chasing. If you start chasing instead of course it'll become dull in the end. I don't mean you should keep yourself impossible to reach but give them a little fun challenge. (Follow expert guides though.)
2- Sometimes people become so selfish and become blind of any good things done for them. I once had that trouble. Someone asked me "What have I done to deserve your attitude?" in soft and silent crying voice. I realized my mistake and how blind I was. I regretted but I am glad I experienced it. It taught me a good lesson.
3- Your partner might be lost too. It's also your duty to guide them. By the way..if you want to get somethings done/fixed, you shouldn't be bossy. Charm them instead.
4- Praise your partner for their good deeds and avoid pointing their mistakes harshly. Just tell them you are upset about them and try to coop with it and fix those problems yourself or in a different way if it is possible. Remember there's always a way around.
5- Conversation is really important and make sure your message goes through. Become friends with your partner first and expect them to be bad at relation since they have been crippled through their whole life to communicate with opposite sex. Help them out.
6- Everyone has their own character and different sensitivities whether they are from two different cultures and religions or not. Those are completely another story.
7- It is only natural for your partner to be sensitive about raising children. They would want their kids to grow just like they did. They have certain values to convey and most probably they would require your assistance and if they cant have it from you they will feel deficient and take it out on you. Especially for muslim man most probably because their mom taught them and they aren't expected to take that responsibility and surely they aren't ready for it. My advice would be taking assistance from another muslim wife that can help you with the things you would be more relaxed and a lot less stressed about it. Do not be afraid to ask assistance.
8- Trust is another issue do provide it.In short don't do/say anything you might regret. I would extend it but I fear it may cause some misunderstandings.
I have been thinking and writing this for a long time now.. and I didn't plan on making it this long I forgot some of my points. I tried to be as neutral as possible. Please forgive me and feel free to extend these topics however you like or make counter arguments. I just wanted to provide an inner sight for you. I hope it helps.
Also If you could be so generous and collect all the different common behavioral mistakes for muslim men in relationships please do inform.
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