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"Not" Naive, Mentioning Marriage, But Still Investigating and Going Ahead AnywaysReader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Jan 9, 2015 at 12:23 Hello, everyone. Thank you for all your concerned responses. I've read all these concerns which is why I was seeking anyone with successful stories, as I wanted to compare the difference between the successes and failures. I have found a number of people speaking out on YouTube and have met a couple people nearby who have had successful marriages to Egyptian men, so I've been able to do a little comparison to see what makes for a good match. We'll see. Hold on----A LITTLE comparison? You seem to be really wanting to sell us that you've found good stories. People who are in good, secure relationships do not need to defend them nor do they show them off to the world. So that's why you didn't find a whole litany of good stories (hence "little") even though you ambivalently seem to be trying to sell yourself and us on it. What kinds of marriages, Drifting, did you find in the UAE? How long were they married? Scams can go on for years before they are finally revealed. And just how happy are they really? People tend to be both civil and nice in public, but it's in private where thing often really count. The fact that you've "meet people, Drifting" or saw something on youtube has nothing to do with the merit of your relationship. This tells me that your relationship cannot stand on its own merit. Youtube concerns me, because when last I looked, it was loaded with relationship show-off videos of "Look at all the people of X race kissing/making out with people of MY race". I think some of that stuff is just meant to inflame people. What a sorry, sad basis for any relationship. To respond to some of your concerns, no, he never asks me for money. I explained to him that we "go Dutch" in America, but he said that is harem to take money from a woman. They don't really ask for money, Drifting,---they try and guilt you into giving. He says that women are to be treated as princesses, and that is how he treats me. Except when he gets paranoid and jealous right? I'm sure that behavior will not change, as there's no incentive for it to. Who knows? Maybe once you are married, you won't even be allowed to have male friends or leave the house, and if you're not living in the USA (which I know you keep emphasizing to try and convince us and maybe even yourself this isn't about a VISA) that could very well be an acceptable practice. Oh, and that's not just "his culture" either. There's plenty of paranoid men state-side too. Telling him I didn't want sex brought us closer. He seemed ashamed that he was being so forward. He did tell me a little about his former girlfriend. He didn't have enough money to marry her at the time, so she married someone else. It seemed to have broken his heart. It was a long time ago. There was also someone he had a fling with once, but he won't tell me much about that. He says it was harem and that he has made peace with his god. I'd like to know too, Drifting, what all happened there, and I bet you would to. Maybe the other woman thought he was a VISA scammer. Or maybe she was worried about being stuck at home all day so man would look at her funny. You need to be wary of men like that, and not all of them are Muslim…… I told him that he needs to show an interest in the things that are important to me for this to work. I think he was surprised. We do have some communication challenges. I realize that it was a very big cultural difference, the things that are important to me and how I talk about them. I explained the differences between our cultures and he totally got it. He has been wonderful in this regard. I try to reciprocate. There are definitely things important to him that are a stretch for me to understand. We've talked about America. He doesn't want to go there. Well, not yet anyways…….. He gets paid better here than he would in America and he's much closer to Egypt. He didn't talk to me for a couple days and I asked why. He said that he didn't think I would want him if he couldn't move to America. He was afraid he wouldn't find a job, wouldn't be able to see his parents, would be looked down upon by Americans, wouldn't be able to find halal food or places to pray, etc. We talked about it and he said he would be willing to move sometime in the future if he found a job, if it was really important to me, but for now this place works out better for both of us. Almost sounds like a pity party, which would be another red flag. We did talk about men who marry women for visas, and he explained that the economy in Egypt is really bad and some men are desperate. He said that it is a certain class or kind of man who do things like that. He said that the rest of them tend to move out of the country to find work in the Middle East, like he did. Scammers and liars like to talk about, well, those nasty scammers and liars. I told him what my prenup terms would be if we got married, and that I would be protected under American law, just in case. He seemed sad that I didn't trust him, but it didn't change his behavior at all. We want the same things. Why, Drifting, would you marry someone you don't trust? That's what prenups are for. Would you be willing to go that far with to marry a Western man your own age or older? Also, do you really that it'll be that simple for you if this is a scam, that you can get out your prenup and walk away like it never happened? Because if he is indeed scamming you, he'll be the one walking away thinking glad that's over with and you'll be begging him to stay or won't even realize he's gone. After reading about people who have had successful marriages with Egyptian men, I realize that it's primarily the cultural difference that one must breach. They are almost all living in Egypt or near enough that the man can visit. They almost all fit well into the Muslim culture. I don't suppose you'd care to share were you read about all of this…….. Because of you, I am investigating what could go wrong if my happily ever after turns out to be all in my imagination. Why are you talking about a marriage and then an investigation? Doesn't it sound really strange to you that you are using the same two words in the same narrative with the same man? Why would you even consider (especially if you are not naïve) marriage with someone you do not trust? And that trust, Drifting, will not come. My previous relationship was very similar and I always felt out of place with the American way of doing relationships. So your relationship is based feeling out of place with American dating, yet what do you think you two are doing? All this fancy avoiding of dating is because it's forbidden in Islam, and I'm sure it's just to comfort him in such a situation. A lot of the things that you folks are painting as negatives are actually positives to me. What would those things be? Losing thousands of euros? Defending him on-line while he could be talking to other women? Making the "it's his culture, no really, he's different" excuses? I know you don't understand this. Now that is pretty hilarious. The "you don't understand me" is really a response of those who have nothing left. Do you really think that you're the only one who has been buttered up with sweet talk and paid gifts/dates? Do you really think that just because you aren't old enough to be his mother or that he hasn't begged you for your money that this will work? Wouldn't be surprised at all if what happened was you saw this site, doubted even more, and ran to your partner to find comfort. I am very grateful for all your honesty about the things that have gone wrong and everything to be cautious about. Because of you, I am investigating what could go wrong if my happily ever after turns out to be all in my imagination. Sounds to me like you've made up your mind. You're involved with him against our advice, the advice of your friends and the advice of people who actually care about you. All you've decided to do is pursue a doubtful relationship against your better instincts, and for all I know it's just because he's different and showers you with all kinds of compliments and gifts. But that isn't how REAL relationships work, and not even the "it's his culture—no really" nonsense you've been hiding behind will shield that. I have not lived a naiive life and don't intend to now. I'll let you know how it goes. Oh, gee looky everyone! Another one saying "I'm not naïve, but I'll go ahead and do this anyways!" Why would you even need to mention that? Submitting....
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