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Leave himReader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by Nicole (Australia), Oct 5, 2013 at 03:00 I have had a turbulent relationship (5 years of marriage) with an Egyptian guy, that has just ended. I have given him so many benefits of doubt during our time together. He is extremely jealous and has spend 4.5 years accusing me of cheating him. I never did. In this time he has lied to me countless times - not about women but about countless other things. He would always justify every lie when caught out... often somehow trying to blame me as the cause. Sometimes it got pointless trying to reason with him. He just wouldn't get it that he was in the wrong and always blamed others. He originally was like a prince to me. His family are lovely and I lived with them for over a year in Egypt. I have friends there (a few) who have successfuly marriages to Egyptian men. Most stories end in heartbreak - on the foreigners side. The better chance at successful relationships are westerners with Christian Egyptian men. But it's not necessarily the religion that is the problem - it's the culture. Egyptian men are brought up to believe they can do no wrong. They are adored and get away with a lot. The Egyptian girls are lovely - and are kept in a very controlled environment. They don't get the chance to experience life the way their brother might. That's not to say they have a tough or tragic life - almost all are without complaint. They are protected and don't show tendancies to want to stray from doing what is "right". Men on the other hand spend their whole life talking about what's "right" (Halal) and what's 'wrong' (haram). They particularly love blaming Western lifestyle for all things Haram (wrong) - however spend much of their life doing these wrong things! They have no logic in their arguements and it is near impossible to make them understand that a situation where they have done something wrong is comparable to a situation where a woman might do something wrong. The woman doing an action is always more wrong than them doing the exact same thing or worse. For example: not long after we married I texted an ex-boyfriend. The text was innocent and I still considered him my friend. He wrote back wishing me and my new marriage well. When my husband saw the text he went ballistic. (he found it by chance - I didn't tell him about it). He was crazy angry - swearing at me that I cheated him. It took many months and his family intervention to try and clear the matter. The reaction was as if I had slept with another man. Eventually I conceded that it wasn't the right thing to do and that I would cut ties with anyone in my past related to a relationship. That included families of ex-boyfriends etc. In Egyptian culture it's black and white. Once you marry - no photos, emails, texts or any connection to the past. You cut it immediately. What might be OK when you are boyfriend and girlfriend - changes DRAMATICALLY once married. Be warned all thinking of marrying. There are so many things you wouldnt even think of!! Fast forward 4 years into our marriage - I found by accident a love letter email sent to my husband by a girl he had previously gone out with. The letter suggested a recent meeting and/or phone conversations plus ongoing interaction in facebook. Her letter was passionate and announced an undying love for my husband. It was very much current and ongoing - however no suggestion from my husband's side of returning or encouraging this undying love. (however I couldn't see what he had written or said to her!) Example two: I could have one glass of wine with my friends at dinner. Big sin. Hubby hits the roof and I am the worst person in the world. Hubby smokes pot every day. This is OK. Yes it's bad, he concedes - but he's going to give up and be a good muslim. He dids me to be a good example that he can follow. Huh??? Yep when I try to compare the two, I'm confronted by more blame (it's my fault!) and a mountain of hypocrisy. He really doesn't get it. Its so weird - but Egyptian men really don't get it. They blame everyone under the sun. Talk very badly about other cultures and people and religions - meanwhile doing all these haram things and justifying it. It does my head in. They cannot have a rational and constructive arguement. Anyway my point is for you Anna is that in my opinion he unlikely to change and my advice is to Leave him. You are your own person and will choose accordingly what is best for you and your baby. Men go wild in their 20s and then settle down and become "good" muslims once they marry. Of course not many become completely "good" but they certainly treat their wives much more harshly and protectively. Many westerners notice a dramatic change in their husbands once they marry. The men become very strict, very jealous, and very domineering. They are brought up to believe this is their right, and they expect a lot more of their wife. Their personality changes from when they are a boyfriend. They don't actually view a boyfriend - girlfriend relationship as being very serious (like we might in the West). This is because girl/boy relationships are not encouraged in Egypt. everything is geared towards marriage. So a girlfriend might not really hold much commitment at all. they won't tell you this of course - but it's most definitely what most think. Good luck, Anna. I wish you much happiness in life, and that your decision will guide you towards that. Submitting....
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