To Guest: The problem here and similar experiences
Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men
Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Nov 22, 2012 at 18:03
After reading your story, the main issue here is that you don't trust this man and frankly you shouldn't be expected to. Talking on webcam does not mean that you actually know a person, nor does meeting them twice. You are getting much less in the way of communication than you would in real life.
I can understand why you feel treated like a queen and why this man makes you feel good. A lot of American men are lousy at dating and it seems like they either would rather have women feel sorry for them, treat women badly and/or have no idea what they are doing.
But if you read the other stories on here, the pillow talk and compliments is how it always starts. All nice like you've met the man of your dreams. Scammers and liars have to do that to get what they want.
Warning signs have been posted on this site for over six years. The concern here is that some liars and scammers don't have any or little warnings but it still is not genuine.
First of all, if you are divorced with children, you are already in two categories that scammers and liars target. Women can argue all they like about how unfair and unequal that is, but take it from a guy, there's almost a sixth sense that goes off when a women is vulnerable like this. I've personally noticed that women in these situations are more willing to seek outside comfort and help and are much more receptive to advances and sales pitches, including dating scams.
Make no mistake, people are out there who will take full advantage of situation.
It's not uncommon at all. I remember signing up for a dating site some 8 years ago and I met a woman who said she lived in a town next to me with a Russian e-mail address. She told me she was falling in love with me in the second e-mail and after I sent her one picture.
You mention him being possessive. That is a problem. People who are possessive on-line (men and women) create an annoyance, for one thing, but it takes a different tone in some Middle Eastern cultures. Western women may it odd or even cute, but there are cases where a husband will not allow his wife to have male friends, leave the house or been excercising in spandex.
And what is this about your daughter being like his daughter as she were his own? Has he even met her? I know I'd be cautious about taking in someone else's kids or talking about them like that.
The other concern I have is that he seems to have no faults. Really?
That's another good warning sign that I don't think has been discussed much on here. How do you know he's respected in the community? Because he told you?
Everyone has flaws.
A big question you need to ask yourself is an American man from your hometown said that or was even showing some posessive behavior, would you be reacting in the same way? Women on here get into big trouble when they apply double standards because their partner is "different"----ie Muslim, from another country, a different race, younger or whatever.
Turning to the internet for dating internationally is almost always a bad idea whehter you find them or they find you.
What that social interaction boils down to is that they can't get what they want or need locally, which could be a visa to this country, money or some kind of odd desire to be with someone who is just different.
The basis for these relationships is pretty weak, even if both parties are being honest.
What you are unable to do here is reconcile your feminine instincts, the ones that pick up on male nonsense, and your heart. And it's no wonder why: There's all kinds of reasons why a relationship of international, on-line meeting ends up in smoke.
I strongly suggest that you do not pursue this any further. I don't think it's worth the effort, time and money. No matter how long you talk, I don't think you'll ever be able to fully trust him with these infrequent meetings and on-line talking even if its everyday of the week.
That is why from to time women who post on here basically say "I'm not sure, but I will marry him anyways and hope for the best".
I understand this isn't easy for you, but it is something I really think you need to walk away from.
Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".
Reader comments (16480) on this item
Comment on this item
Support Daniel Pipes' work with a tax-deductible donation to the Middle East Forum. Daniel J. Pipes