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Hello, Chelsea!

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men
in response to reader comment: Hello all...Reality hits hard!

Submitted by Lana(USA) (United States), May 15, 2020 at 15:37

Good to hear/read from you!!!

Hello, Everyone !!!

I am happy that more ladies find help on this forum and others are comfortable with sharing their stories and advice to help them.
As I mentioned before, I am way past all this havoc I was in a few years ago,and just reading this forum and written time to time,while living my life to the fullest in reality (not virtual life),which is pretty busy for someone in a medical field.))

Hoping to help someone from my experience:

It made me immune to such poor excuse of a man and also brought me to conclusion,that I hope will help the others to judge a man by the character and deeds,without emotions, giving the time for relationship to unfold, not to rush into intimacy too soon:

1.Do not project your own good qualities onto someone who does not have them.(If you are a goodhearted person-it does not means that that person is also good hearted.).Take your time and observe first,find more real information, not your expectations/dreams/"wishes it will work out your way".

2.Do not try to find excuses for someone's bad actions or behavior/manners(Oh,he is late because her was busy,oh,he was not responding back because he was asleep.Trust me-if a man is interested in you-he will find 3seconds to respond to your text).Always put yourself on his place:what would you act like if you were him and you are someone he loves.If someone makes you suffer and always puts you down-run!

3.Do not let absolutely no one to tell you how to dress/behave/act /what to eat/listen/watch/do-it is YOUR life,not anybody else's.No one has control over you no matter what.If he does not likes it-he knows where the door is.(OUT!!!!)

4.Do not waste your time of trying to solve the puzzle of his behavior.You only can love someone who loves you,who makes you feel special and respects you.
You should not tolerate someone who makes you feel as a patient of psychiatric clinic where he is always right and you are his servant.
Relationship should make you feel happy and respected/taken care for-it is s two-way street! If it is don't-"No,thank you!"
You can walk away at any point ,as you are not obligated to continue to suffer.( Efff off!!!)

6.Do not "babysit" adult grown up man in any way,especially financially ! He will not respect you or himself if you do.
He is not disabled or dumb-he can work and provide for you, as his future family.If he is not-then he will not be willing to do so it even after marrying you.You and your mutual kids will not be his priority.(You don't need that!!!)

6.Love and hate are strong feelings,in order to feel them toward someone-that someone has to mean something to me.Otherwise, it is a stranger ,a bypassed,and in his case -is NOBODY to me.

7. Our relationship with a man should only make our lives better.
We need someone who makes our life better not worse,who will help us to resolve our problems,but not to create new ones for us to solve.("Worse" we can live without them

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Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".

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