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Bride price

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men
in response to reader comment: So confusing

Submitted by Lina (United Kingdom), Jan 24, 2020 at 18:43

The amount of cash given varies according to the man's status and it's usually paid to the family. Several kilograms of gold are usually given as well as other gifts.

Yes, wives can be hidden, especially when the bride is a lot younger. A lot of these arranged marriages are just that - arrangements. Sometimes they're arranged from birth, and sometimes just as a form of payment. It's not necessarily like the European definition of marriage, where couples fall in love, have a white wedding and are joined at the hip. True love rarely enters the picture so a lot of men will just do their social duty, pay for the woman then do one. Kurdish women are also very patient and are known to wait years for their husbands.

It will be difficult to confirm whether he's married or not, but regardless of his feelings towards her it's not right for him to hide it from you. The only thing I can suggest is to bring it up as a topic, and talk about how you feel about arranged marriages. Who knows, bit by bit he might open up.

There are two worst case scenarios, Tracey. The first is that he has a plan (and another woman in mind) and that once he gets what he wants he will disappear. The second is more general, with you possibly being trapped in a controlling relationship. The most positive outcome would be a happy, long-lasting marriage or relationship but I wouldn't recommend you move over there. Believe me when I say it's not safe for women, especially when you're not familiar with the culture.

Whatever you do don't rush into anything. Take your time - he will respect you more for it, even if they do try it on. Kurds are like Iranians l, they love a chase.

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Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".

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