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Narcissistic post trauma

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men
in response to reader comment: I understand the trauma

Submitted by Mercedes (United States), Oct 25, 2019 at 03:19

I can't explain how a love bombing experience does to you mentally, you end up confuse and questioning your beliefs. No one should ever make you think twice of wha you believe you deserve and need from a relationship. He created a roller coaster of emotions and that is why it's hard to let this men go because they know how to make you feel special and give you time then make you sad cry and confuse to why he does the things he does. I could remain in the relationship and continue to believe his love it's real or do what I did and understand that this man is mentally ill. He has everything in the world but chooses to play a game for his only satisfaction.
One thing that never left my head was "this guy is selfish he is always thinking about himself, yet he twisted my words and said everybody is selfish and thinks about themselves in order to gaslight me. Normal people are selfish to an extent, no these men you will know when you go through this experience on your own of what I am talking about. He can Talk you Love, take you on trips, open up to you like no other men has, make you feel as if I you are the only one in his life and the reason why he works so hard "to give us and our family a future" yet when you see the words the exact words given to not only one, or two three women you can't take grasp of reality. they mirror you and your values, so they portray a fake persona the one you want to fall in love with. But they use the same words the same stories on other women. "I always asked God to send me a women just like you" "you are everything i ever wanted" through out this forum i saw women talking about this! How stupid do this men think we women are?!
In the end when reality hit, when I was putting the pieces to the puzzle together... I never spoke to him like he deserved I never showed him my anger I never treated him or told him what he deserved. Why ? Because every time I found something suspicious he would explode hit anything walls, his car yell and say it's your fault for making me do this (they can be the angels the always charming but when you call them out on their BS they will explode and will never admit without a fight even after you have proof of all of it) I knew this man more than anything more than anyone at this point.
The last time I saw him he hugged me and said I am a bad person, I don't believe in love, I don't love anyone, I don't even love myself. Then he said "but i love you and i know I will come back to you and i will find you and go anywhere in the world and get you just give me time I will change " He then with all of his confused and unstable state said "I might never give you what you want, maybe their is someone better" I gave back my engagement ring.

The last year together was the best year we ever had! We were supporting each other's dream, ambitions and our relationship, as lovers and friends were in balance we had found balance. Why? because I stoped asking for what I thought I deserved and wanted to be at peace I followed everything ESTHER PERREL(I highly recommend her!!) have said I believe in her theories BUT i don't think it works on narcissistic mentally ill disturbed men. Sadly.

Yet the one year we thought we both were on a different stage of our relationship I get the slap in the face when I never ever saw it coming... and the whole story with the Algerian women happens in June, and by July August he had found the Asian girl. See my physical, mental state was no longer fully there it took me 3 months to finally get my appetite back.
So i little by little got the energy to put everything together our whole relationship since the day I met till the last day of his excuses and behavior. I could finally see the red flags which I never saw.

So I did not want to say everything I knew to his face I did not want to put myself on any danger, nor give my body any more stress than the one it had all of this years with this man, but I saw his true colors and I could understand his games, yet I gave him my compassion because to be such a monster he had to go through a messed up life, and cultural upbringing.
So I left a letter and disappeared. On this letter I asked him to never look for me and told him everything I knew of him the true him(took about 10 pages front and back. I gave all of his belongings and pictures. and I asked if he ever saw me to act as if we never met. This was 4 months ago... after the Asian girl left he went back to Algeria, he comes back and ..
What does he do? He asks my brother for my phone number, even tho I had called him on all of his BS even tho I said to him I want you far from me and my family, I rather be stuck in a black whole without any kind of protection than near him.

Now this poor Asian girl(who thinks that she is the only women before me!) is no longer in the same state(exchange student) but my ex is keeping her stupidly in love(probably to use her somehow, maybe travel to her and have a place and a person to be with) . When I found out about this girl he said to me "she doesn't mean anything, she is leaving soon for ever" yet this girl it's still thinking she is his girlfriend and he sends her flowers. Just knowing that men like him use women for their satisfaction using them and mentally control them manipulate and trick them makes me feel useless... because I know and I can't do anything to stop them...him...

should I email this website link to the new girl?(i am sure she is not the only one by now he might have a few other ones in the same city and Algeria) I would send it anonymous to avoid any more involvement other than pressing send. if she wants to take action or not up to her... but she could also show this to my ex and he can do something to hurt me ... I would just want her to not waist her time and health with this common unstable being. What do you think ?

PS. This is like therapy to me, and I hope anyone reading could benefit in any way. Know that you aren't alone. I feel alone most of the time because of the isolation that this person created in my life. He expected me to be the perfect women yet I received nothing but garbage and scraps dressed as gold.

Submitting....

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Title Commenter Date
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3Wrong citation; correction. [29 words]PrashantAug 9, 2021 00:19268057
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2My advice to Danielle (why is it so difficult?) [80 words]PrashantJan 31, 2022 23:02268057
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25Got some good posters on here [191 words]ChelseaMar 15, 2021 15:08264747
12Chelsea [78 words]LinaMar 23, 2021 19:43264747
12Absolutely! [119 words]Lana(USA)Mar 25, 2021 10:02264747
18Good to hear from you! [92 words]Robin M.Apr 6, 2021 07:36264747
6So true,but... [63 words]Lana(USA)Apr 22, 2021 00:43264747
8Is he married? [500 words]TraceyMay 4, 2021 08:53264747
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9True Marriage is About Sacrifice - What are You Willing to Give Up? [124 words]M ToveyMay 4, 2021 16:35264747
17Advice to Tracey [338 words]PrashantMay 5, 2021 00:37264747
17Run [173 words]HopeMay 5, 2021 15:18264747
6To Tracy from a very concerned reader [17 words]Ella AustraliaMay 12, 2021 01:09264747
11Thanks to you, Ella [188 words]A very concerned readerMay 13, 2021 19:43264747
6TRACEY - ERHAN [26 words]KARENMay 20, 2021 18:44264747
11Agree [39 words]Lana(USA)May 21, 2021 15:59264747
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14R A T !!!!! [144 words]ChelseaAug 22, 2021 12:11264747
4TOTAL SCAMMER MIMI [100 words]jessica (canada)Aug 23, 2021 19:09264747
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5RAT [190 words]jessica (canada)Aug 25, 2021 18:33264747
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2Bună Spice [127 words]MimiSep 27, 2021 13:37264747
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6Message for Mimi [59 words]PrashantSep 28, 2021 13:26264747
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2Bună Spice [95 words]MimiSep 29, 2021 17:29264747
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11Mental Torment [324 words]ChelseaOct 3, 2021 18:18264747
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9Do you want my opinion? [133 words]Robin M.Feb 8, 2022 15:02264747
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25About the houris [690 words]A very concerned readerFeb 23, 2021 00:17264210
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36Long Live the Non-Muslim [847 words]AliciaFeb 18, 2021 15:37264035
15So beautifully written. Real facts. Why Islam can't be compared to other religions [353 words]A very concerned readerFeb 19, 2021 15:43264035
5Breath Taking and True Post [15 words]ChelseaMar 16, 2021 19:18264035
27Talking about morals: to Alicia on her last post which by the way I love! [314 words]A very concerned readerFeb 16, 2021 00:03263953
18Reply to A very concerned reader [115 words]Jessica (Canada)Feb 17, 2021 00:04263953
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6Hi A very concerned reader [516 words]N and SFeb 18, 2021 13:06263953
17Muslims Countries vs The rest of the World [305 words]AliciaFeb 18, 2021 13:52263953
13Muslim's misgiving [167 words]PrashantFeb 18, 2021 16:33263953
14Wrong religion, wrong site! [84 words]A very concerned readerFeb 19, 2021 16:06263953
7100 percent correct [68 words]Jessica (Canada)Feb 20, 2021 01:34263953
8Well said a Very concerned reader [153 words]Jessica (Canada)Feb 20, 2021 01:52263953
12Here's a nice example [79 words]JeffFeb 20, 2021 21:21263953
8Oh, The houris... [441 words]A very concerned readerFeb 20, 2021 23:52263953
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4Haha A concerned reader [12 words]jessica (canada)Feb 22, 2021 18:43263953
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2Very well said [5 words]PrasthantFeb 23, 2021 22:09263953
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4Objection on Religious Grounds - Men and Women Equal in Eyes of Heaven, Salvation [479 words]M ToveyFeb 26, 2021 18:53263953
9Narcissist destroy, empaths create: a selfish religion to cater one man's needs? [483 words]A very concerned readerMar 1, 2021 15:06263953
2Correction [45 words]A very concerned readerMar 1, 2021 17:43263953
3Male-Female Emotional Disparity - Seeking Common Ground of Love [342 words]M ToveyMar 2, 2021 13:31263953
5Sowing what we truly embrace and want to reap! [314 words]A very concerned readerMar 3, 2021 02:48263953
5Emotional Survival of the Most Desperate Kind [438 words]M ToveyMar 4, 2021 11:49263953
8To N and S [233 words]Lana(USA)Feb 11, 2021 21:19263845
17Thank you FAtou [88 words]BaboonFeb 9, 2021 12:49263786
9Hi Jessica [190 words]N and SFeb 9, 2021 15:57263786
10N and S [228 words]LinaFeb 9, 2021 17:05263786
19It's more dangerous than people may think [254 words]A very concerned readerFeb 10, 2021 14:57263786
8Very good points [213 words]LinaFeb 10, 2021 22:17263786
7Very true [120 words]A very concerned readerFeb 11, 2021 15:22263786
7N and S [471 words]Lana(USA)Feb 11, 2021 21:09263786
4N and S reply [645 words]jessica (canada)Feb 12, 2021 18:23263786
7Hi A very concerned reader [516 words]N and SFeb 17, 2021 16:51263786
3WEAK [23 words]alanaSep 12, 2021 07:00263786
48To Fatou/Adja, to the immigration officers of Western countries, to this forum readers. To those googling "I'm in love with a Muslim man" [812 words]A very concerned readerFeb 9, 2021 00:36263772
17I wish I could raise a toast to this [174 words]AliciaFeb 10, 2021 01:16263772
11Cheers! [230 words]A very concerned readerFeb 10, 2021 14:16263772
5Let's raise* that toast!!! [23 words]A very concerned readerFeb 10, 2021 15:11263772
11I could not agree more! [178 words]Lana(USA)Feb 11, 2021 01:10263772
19Why they don't like Christianity [713 words]A very concerned readerFeb 11, 2021 06:28263772
10Big hypocrite [222 words]Lana(USA)Feb 11, 2021 09:16263772
14Hijab and the hypocrisy of it [144 words]A very concerned readerFeb 11, 2021 15:13263772
4Where is the Truth Hiding When No One is Looking for it [233 words]M ToveyFeb 11, 2021 21:35263772
14My insight about Islam and why a Non Muslim woman can fit in this ideology [648 words]A very concerned readerFeb 14, 2021 00:18263772
2Why Non Muslim women can't fit* [14 words]A very concerned readerFeb 14, 2021 01:18263772
18Their lives and hearts are so dark [102 words]Ella AustraliaFeb 14, 2021 23:54263772
11Why they don't like Christianity [19 words]Lisa D.Feb 15, 2021 12:35263772
1Why Eternal Fulfillment is of Love/Respect is Hard to See [282 words]M ToveyFeb 15, 2021 18:02263772
7Well said, Islam has straight jacketed itself into self destruction. [139 words]PrasthantFeb 15, 2021 18:30263772
12Same feeling here, Ella, while we make great efforts to integrate their culture [144 words]A very concerned readerFeb 16, 2021 02:18263772
2Basis of Anthipathy Towards Judeo-Christian (Messianic) Beliefs [220 words]M ToveyFeb 19, 2021 21:55263772
3Great Truth teachings on Islam [99 words]SherryFeb 24, 2021 11:56263772
5Veils for answering the nature's call, the Muslim men's right to rape the unveiled women [338 words]A very concerned readerFeb 26, 2021 06:33263772
4Muslim dislike Christian / Christians have POWER over them [7 words]BrendaSep 17, 2021 15:28263772
7Hijab should not be used to exemplify diversity [274 words]PrashantFeb 7, 2021 01:39263720
21To Fatou: we wish we were discarded by your men!/ Thank us for warning you that they don't respect you either [335 words]A very concerned readerFeb 6, 2021 15:12263711
10Ladies here last comment [146 words]FatouFeb 6, 2021 09:56263707
Rat or not? [106 words]MimiAug 16, 2021 15:20263707
10Muslim Men will NEVER Marry a 53 year old Woman [243 words]AliciaAug 16, 2021 21:34263707
Female 53 years old. [102 words]MimiAug 17, 2021 14:42263707
5Hijab should not be presented as a symbol of diversity [159 words]PrashantFeb 6, 2021 01:47263699
7Hijab as a political statement [45 words]Lisa D.Feb 9, 2021 15:10263699
4Lina reply [90 words]FatouFeb 5, 2021 17:30263683
12Fatou: We wish they discard us!/ you should thank us for warning you [247 words]A very concerned readerFeb 6, 2021 14:57263683
4I would just leave it be [64 words]AjdaFeb 8, 2021 02:01263683
11Hmmm Fatou we all wonder [66 words]jessica (canada)Feb 8, 2021 11:51263683
5Ajda [7 words]FatouFeb 8, 2021 15:39263683
11Fatou's self-righteousness stinks [110 words]PrashantFeb 9, 2021 18:12263683
3Married [25 words]To Jessica canadaFeb 11, 2021 10:11263683
5Big hypocrites too!!! [263 words]Lana(USA)Feb 11, 2021 10:51263683
9Religion over Science [77 words]Lisa DFeb 11, 2021 12:35263683
5Gifts [12 words]LinaFeb 11, 2021 15:48263683
19Marriage means nothing in Islam, my dear [101 words]A very concerned readerFeb 11, 2021 18:04263683
6Reply about Married- and why are you using my name [143 words]jessica (canada)Feb 12, 2021 16:23263683
13Islam is the worst, Muslim countries will never prosper they just get worse [87 words]AliciaFeb 12, 2021 17:33263683
6Alicia is right about Islam [96 words]PrashantFeb 15, 2021 18:42263683
6Cannot say Merry Christmas in here. [43 words]Jessica (Canada)Feb 15, 2021 22:34263683
9You're very right, that's why our women need to be aware of this [300 words]A very concerned readerFeb 15, 2021 23:12263683
7Big thank you and my best wishes always [263 words]A very concerned readerFeb 15, 2021 23:37263683
2Rat?? [99 words]MimiAug 18, 2021 05:17263683
1ROP celebrations in Dhaka [184 words]PrashantApr 5, 2022 21:00263683
Another violent incidence in Tel Aviv [122 words]PrashantApr 7, 2022 21:03263683
14The true face of a real Muslim Woman [1019 words]AliciaFeb 5, 2021 13:58263674
21To Fatou: Muslimahs are deceived too. Are you surprised? [294 words]A very concerned readerFeb 5, 2021 13:14263670
4We all wait for Fatou reply to your comments [11 words]jessica (canada)Feb 8, 2021 11:56263670
2Lina [144 words]FatouFeb 5, 2021 09:16263662
1Explain to concerned reader [145 words]FatouFeb 5, 2021 09:08263661
16Your points [64 words]LinaFeb 5, 2021 13:54263661
21Correction and more unreplied questions [209 words]A very concerned readerFeb 5, 2021 14:43263661
14Purpose of the board [233 words]LinaFeb 5, 2021 17:34263661
8Things that happen in males parties and when nobody is watching [39 words]A very concerned readerFeb 5, 2021 20:01263661
12I'll take what I want from your culture and insult the rest [125 words]JeffFeb 5, 2021 20:44263661
16The reasons why Fatou is here and the controversial respect topic [290 words]A very concerned readerFeb 6, 2021 16:03263661
3Lina and other who take this tone in comments [107 words]FatouFeb 7, 2021 09:55263661
7Don't forget [144 words]LinaFeb 8, 2021 14:38263661
6Thank you [125 words]LinaFeb 8, 2021 14:48263661
5Or better still [18 words]LinaFeb 8, 2021 14:50263661
8So true, Lina [123 words]A concerned readerFeb 8, 2021 23:15263661
3Thanks to you too! [23 words]A very concerned readerFeb 8, 2021 23:52263661
8That is why Muslims (and the reader Fatou) need education [157 words]PrashantFeb 9, 2021 17:59263661
26Muslim Marriages the REAL WAY [1437 words]AliciaFeb 4, 2021 23:03263645
12What a good picture of Pakistani societal system [281 words]A very concerned readerFeb 5, 2021 13:58263645
7Yes muslim will never like non-muslim [86 words]jessica (canada)Feb 8, 2021 12:07263645
6This part is so true Alicia [387 words]jessica (canada)Feb 8, 2021 12:45263645
1Pipes Response/Our Religion [36 words]FatouFeb 4, 2021 16:31263624
3Teaching basic Arabic to wannabe Arabs our dear Fatou [241 words]dhimmi no moreFeb 5, 2021 14:14263624
4Guiding the perplexed our dear Fatou and deciphering the Arabic language [97 words]dhimmi no moreFeb 5, 2021 14:29263624
1Our dear Fatou and the word الصلوة/الصلاة (PRAYER) in the Qur'an [398 words]dhimmi no moreFeb 6, 2021 07:50263624
Mr. Pipes [6 words]
w/response from Daniel Pipes
AjdaFeb 8, 2021 09:53263624
23About arranged marriages: what Western women must know [299 words]A very concerned readerFeb 3, 2021 22:30263589
19In response to Fatou 2: It's all about respect [123 words]A very concerned readerFeb 3, 2021 17:55263578
10A very concerned reader: The correct translation of صلى الله عليه وسلم is not the PBUH nonsense [158 words]
w/response from Daniel Pipes
dhimmi no moreFeb 3, 2021 15:07263571

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