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Con or love

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men
in response to reader comment: No clarity about his intentions.

Submitted by Too late, married him (United States), Oct 12, 2019 at 14:02

I met mine in an airport in Malaga Spain. He chased me down practically. He gave me his number and saved me from a bad relationship I had with a different Moroccan while I was there. I thought he was a hero. I stayed with him and his family. He asked me to open my heart to him. I wasn't even divorced from my husband in America yet. We were waiting on the judge to finish the paperwork. He was still interested in me despite I was going thru a divorce. I am 36, and him 28. I look much younger. He was completely surprised I am older and I can't give him children. He has a problem and can't have children himself. So that sort of fit. I agreed to open my heart to him. He love bombed me like a narcissist. Then two days before marriage I was sleep deprived on a bus and smarted off to him. He swatted at me and I dodged his hand a few times. Then he ran up from behind me and knocked me in the head. I fell to my hands and knees in public in front of everyone. He didn't try to help me up. His sister helped me up and repeated "don't cry" over and over. But I did and yelled I will not marry you I am going home! He took me to a cafe and got on his hands and knees and begged me not to leave him and he is so sorry. I think he was trying to save his own ass cuz we were beside the US embassy and he didn't want me to report he hit a tourist. He told his family he accidentally knocked me to the ground to save me from a bus that was behind me. His sister went with it. I was in shock and laid on the mattress on the floor and cried myself to sleep. I married him at the rush of his father. I think they knew something of their son to rush such a marriage. Then a darkness seemed to come over him. He was more distant. No more messages on WhatsApp, no more spending time with me, slapping me if I dare disagree with him, and his quick loss of temper. I felt trauma bonded. Like I needed him to make me feel better. I kept escaping to the states and threatening divorce. But he would cry and want me home. He promised I would be happy. Each time I returned a new disrespect was thrown at me. Water in my face, isolation, no intimacy (which I lost weight to attract him more), and he started to use profane language and insults. No man will ever want me and nobody loves me or can stand me. I felt so low. I told him I crossed the ocean for you why won't you spend time with me? He said it is like a prison all day with me in the room he keeps me in. It is my place to stay in there, not his. I had to wear a hijab and djellaba and burn up in it feeling gross and sweaty. I was not in debt when I met him and a year later I am in 100,000$ debt. I have nothing but heartbreak to show for it. He had me buy a Mercedes 2018, open credit cards and send him countless western unions 500-1000$. If I didn't I was breaking a promise to his dad to always take care of his son. Care for me and my heart did not matter. I can find another man here in the states. Many ask for me. I am here paying my debt down staying for free with my family as I pour everything I got into my debt. Meanwhile my husband is always suffering and needs money sent. Medical, cost of living, help me wife...help me. I need to divorce him and will someday when I can pay 5000$ to a lawyer for an international divorce. He won't cooperate and sign. Can you believe I have to divorce by newspaper? Publication. Gee. We have no kids, finances, or property together. Just a contract and my heartbreak. He certainly has been a big man child . All I asked for was his hand to gently touch my face, kisses and hugs, I love you's....never for him to provide cuz he didn't have a job and came from nothing. He swears he loves me, but love does not hurt, and what he is doing hurts. His mind games, demands, and abuse is terrible. He apologized after a year but I am too hurt. The promise to his father I have to break. The covenant to God in our marriage I have to break. I am such a fool for believing he is more than a personality disordered entity in a human shell. His good looks are fading as he gains weight, loses his hair, and behaves so evil. He doesn't practice his religion. I keep thinking if he did he would love me better. He says I am his first for everything. Great. I feel liked I ruined him too. Took his innocence. I didn't even know he was innocent until a year later. Apparently the word "slept" has two different meanings in our countries. He slept with a girl before means he laid beside her and fell asleep. I had no idea. There is so much more to say. I have wasted so much money on this guy. His family still loves me but how? How can they love the foreign wife who keeps leaving? Who cares if they love me? I am learning more and more to love myself. With that is confidence and boundaries being built. Red flags are no longer ignored but dealt with on the spot. Next man who ever hits me gets the police visiting them. I have went no contact with my conning, narc, man child husband. He begs me for one last go over there, but after 13 times...what's the likelihood of success this time?

Submitting....

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Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".

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