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I Wasn't Looking For Anyone

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men
in response to reader comment: Forgive yourself.

Submitted by Robin (United States), Oct 8, 2019 at 23:08

I did meet him on Facebook, but wasn't looking for a relationship. I had not been involved with a man for 16 years, and had recently returned to university to increase my employment value. A young man from Morocco contacted me, and after conversing with him for a few weeks, I realized he was not someone I wanted things to go any further with. My future husband was a Facebook friend of his, who had happened to "like" something I shared with the other young man. The other young man didn't like me talking to him, but wouldn't give me a plausible reason. After I ended communication with this young man, my husband began talking to me more. We were strictly friends, but it developed in to more. Because I had been single for so long, I decided to let it develop and see where things went. In the beginning, he seemed very kind, open minded, intelligent, and funny. We talked about me going to visit him. One thing led to another, and I fell in love. I did not have low self esteem, I didn't think I was fat, ugly, old or stupid. Yes, I am quite a bit older than him, but look very young for my age. To see us together, you wouldn't see an age difference. Since I was perfectly content being single, I didn't see the harm in getting married to someone who had less to offer. I actually wanted to help him, and he seemed to want to provide me with romantic companionship. Unfortunately, immediately after we married, his attitude and behavior changed. Apparently I was not the only person he had fooled - he lost a good friend during our time together because he mistreated her. Because he had managed to fool this friend he had since high school, that he lived in the same neighborhood with, I realized he was simply acting to get what he wanted. It was a very painful lesson, but I no longer communicate with anyone on Facebook I don't know personally. If I get friendship requests from someone I don't recognize, I delete the request, and if they try to contact me, I block them. I did try to help my husband immigrate to the U.S., but the official conducting his visa interview did not think our marriage was bona fide, which interrupted the process. The interruption allowed me to see what kind of man he truly was. I am very grateful to that immigration official now, even though I was very upset at the time he denied his visa. I don't know how these men manage to act one way in order to win someone, then think it is fine to treat them badly once they have won them. Maybe they think marriage constitutes ownership. I was not knowledgeable about Islam when I met him, and had no feelings one way or the other about it since he seemed very "Americanized" in attitude and appearance. I don't believe Western women are seeking out Muslim men; Muslim men are seeking out Western women and pretending to be someone they are not in order to win them over. They are preying on these women for financial gain, but because they are such good actors, the women don't realize it's a scam. No woman goes looking to be taken advantage of, but because most are good hearted, they take these men at face value. It is really too bad that these men, and their countries as well, don't come with warning labels.

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Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".

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