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Thank you, Hope

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men
in response to reader comment: To Robin

Submitted by Robin (United States), Sep 6, 2019 at 14:30

I don't know how much his family was in on it, because of things his sister told me later (around the same time she advised me to end the relationship). I think he did promise them a better lifestyle in Morocco once he was making money in the U.S., because she told me awhile back that he was going to move them to a larger apartment. She was always sending me photographs of furniture she wanted to buy, but he would tell her to wait until they moved. So obviously something was planned. I didn't find out until the end that she and her mother had not known that we were getting married during my first visit, and didn't find out we were married until later. Apparently he was secretive about pretty much everything (according to her), an example of which was that he didn't tell them he was going to South Korea until two days before he left. I really don't think he could plan a trip, where he went to several countries on the way there and brought four friends with him, that quickly - also, I will never know how on earth he managed to pay for it, because I know what his job paid him in Morocco. He claimed to have "picked up" the money by taking on other work (God only knows what that "work" was), but his sister told me later that she thought he had borrowed it. She was concerned that before he actually made any money for himself and them in South Korea, he was going to have to repay the debt. I don't know who he got the money from, or how he got it. I doubt it was by any ethical means - drugs? Embezzlement? I found photos in his Google photo library later where he had taken photos of a couple of people's paychecks (he did the payroll, but why would he take pictures?). I know he probably walked off of his job when he left, because he was angry that his boss wouldn't let his family have his last paycheck. Why else would his boss hold on to it? It seems like he would have arranged things better than this if he had been planning to leave, but obviously he didn't, or didn't give any notice. I didn't know he was going to South Korea until the night before he left! I think the only reason he told me when he did is because I saw him active on WhatsApp, and started talking to him there. That was when he told me. We hadn't talked for two weeks prior to that because he was angry with me about something really stupid, and I didn't race to patch things up like I normally did. His sister said that he had always been secretive, and that she and their mother had told him this would cause him problems whenever he got married. Well, it did. He never wanted anyone knowing what he was doing, I suspect because so much of it was underhanded and unethical, and also so that no one would know when he had a failed business plan (of which there were several - he was always looking for the next get-rich-quick scheme, and had already tried to steal someone else's business idea). I trusted him because he had introduced me to a female friend he had known since high school, and she and I became friends and talked a lot (she was who helped us get married). She had nothing bad to say about him, but I found out later this was because he hadn't told her anything that he was doing either. She was very upset when she learned what he was saying about her to me behind her back, and ended her friendship with him when she confronted him and he got nasty with her. She was the one who told me something he had lied to me about, even after she told him that it wasn't nice and he should tell me the truth. So bottom line, he was definitely not a good guy, but he had a lot of people fooled because of his secretiveness and great acting skills. I imagine the acting was easy for him because he felt entitled to do everything he did. Towards the end, I also had it confirmed that he treated his mother and sister terribly, both by things his sister told me, and things he himself said. What an ass.

Anyway, like you said, I will never know, because I have cut off all contact with everyone. I didn't want to hear any news about him, and I didn't want him to know anything further about me. The marriage (and I) obviously meant nothing to him beyond being a means to an end. I don't even know what country he is in now - I had advised officials in Seoul, South Korea of some things about him, but they never got back to me. Up until a few days ago, I could tell he was still using his South Korean phone number on WhatsApp (I had blocked him, but he hadn't blocked me). Now, who knows? I don't guess it matters, as long as he doesn't come to the U.S., and I'm not sure he will be able to now since I withdrew his petition. At the very least, some questions would be asked.

Thank you for your words of support. It helps to know that I am not alone with my feelings, and that I am not the only person this has happened to. I'm sure we will be hearing more from each other. ;)

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Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".

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