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Lies and double lives

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men

Submitted by Feeling used and dumb, Aug 25, 2019 at 16:56

First, I'm an educated American woman. No kids, no marriages. Good job. I never gave him money or gifts, he never asked. He didn't need citizenship so I thought he wasn't a user or anything. I didn't give anything! I read and heard of these stories before, it wouldn't happen to me. I thought he was different. I'm sure we all think our outcome will be different! I've only found a few success stories of an american woman and a Muslim Arab man and in those stories it seems the man chose the woman and happiness completely over his family and Islam. That's rare! So I met an American born Arab Muslim man in the United States. He was Americanized, or so I thought. I kept saying his family will never accept me. I've read and heard stories before. He would always say "we don't know what the future holds." To give him time. That I was perfect. It's fifteen years wasted now and big lies have come out. He is only a few years older than me. Through all our twenties we secretly dated. It was long distance so it was a lot of calls, texts and visiting each other. There were times it was on and off but we never stopped talking for more than a few months at a time. I remember twice he went back to the Middle East for vacation or a cousin's wedding, he claimed. He would use an app to message me from there because of the costs to call or text back to the United States. I always thought maybe he went there and got married but he would show pictures and tell me things that made it believable. So now after fifteen years the truth comes out. I still don't know if he has or who he has in his country but I know at least there is an American woman like me who was with him for the first of the ten years I was with him. She converted he claims. They did the Muslim wedding with witnesses but no paper. They had children and then divorced. I was shocked. We talked almost everyday and since we both work long hours, we talked most the time at night. He would visit me and I would visit him but since we both kept each other secret, we always stayed away from our cities or being out certain places so we wouldn't see people we know out. How did he have a wife and children if we talked all that time and he would be away from his home for days at a time? He claims they never lived together, he claims she converted but didn't follow it right. Now he claims they divorced years ago and his mother always accompanied him to pick up his children for visitation. His family doesnt like her. He claims. He admitted these lies after all these years and then said he is telling me now because there is a twenty year old girl in his country in the Middle East his family found for him to marry. He's in his late thirties now. A marriage his family wants him to have a real Muslim marriage and the life that goes with that. He said he loves me, he wants to be with me, how good our life would be but he can't disappoint his dad again. He called me from the airport like a coward. Not even an explanation or goodbye after fifteen years. He said he was going for two weeks to get away but wasn't marrying yet. I said don't talk to me if you go and he was like ok and left. How can someone be so heartless? It's bordering on evil or sociopathy. He seems to have no remorse, no care. And he seems to be ok to never talk to someone again after fifteen years. Evil!

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Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".

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