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HELP! Engaged to a Moroccan

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men

Submitted by DIDI (Morocco), May 27, 2019 at 00:02

Ok, so while searching for advice on Moroccan men, I came across this site. And reading all of the tragic stories now has me suspicious.. which I should've been anyway, but never would have imagined how deep this ran. NOW, I'm confused and need advice.

Ok, so I'm an American, early 30s. Was on vacation in Europe when I met a Moroccan guy in Italy. Of course, hit it off, they are so gorgeous! He doesn't speak English, luckily we both speak some Italian. So, we exchanged numbers and talked. He initially didn't know I was American, I didn't share this right away. Honestly I didn't realize he wasn't European as he has a very fair complexion. He of course laid on the charm heavily, we chatted while I was there. I broke the news a week later I was leaving and that I was actually American. He broke it off saying he was looking for someone local and doubt his family would approve of an American, this is when he advised me of him being Moroccan, Arabic, and Muslim.

I accepted, got back to the US. but couldn't stop thinking about him. So I called him and asked why he had turned me down just bc I was an American. He explained culture differences, perceptions of Americans, etc. I said we should at least try bc things were going well, my family isn't racist, and love could conquer all. He said he'd talk it over with his family and if they were ok, we could continue. Of course a couple days later, he called and said family would like to eventually meet me, but was ok with the relationship.

So we chatted by video. He called me all the time, even when he was at work. I fell head over feet! Then he loss his job. Again, he called it off saying a man with no job isn't worth marrying. Me being me, called the next day saying I was still interested. Yes I know, stupid of me. He explained he was an illegal immigrant and was not likely to find work so easily. He said I was better off moving on and he was better off searching for a European lady to marry so he wouldn't be on the streets.

Again, I stupidly called him back and said love conquers all and believe we met for a reason. I offered him cash, he refused. I offered to pay for an apartment, he refused. He said he was a man and didn't need anything. So he was homeless for a few months, we talked anytime he could work a little and pay for his cell minutes and could charge the phone. Winter time roles around and he's sleeping outside and gets really ill, he has to be admitted to the hospital. He was so ill he couldn't even speak hardly, so the doctor asked who he wanted to call to help translate, and he said me. So here I was sitting in my office chatting with an Italian doctor who said he's got to get off the streets. I told him I was finding him a place and that was that, I cared for him. I didn't know what the future held, but I was paying rent for a couple months so he could get on his feet. He refused to let rent him a full apartment bc it was too expensive, so he got a room on airbnb for cheap and asked if I could send a little money for food. He was barely eating once a day. So he again called it off bc he felt like I saw him as charity and wouldn't respect him bc he didn't work. And he assumed I must be desperate or a whore to be with a man like him bc women in Morocco paid him no mind bc he was from a poor family.

I'm sure this is part of their scam. But I fell for it. Told him I was a Godly woman, didn't see him as charity, just like helping him bc that is love in America. He seemed amazed by this. He was 40, gorgeous, and never married bc he was poor. He assumed he'd have to wait to find a woman interested, but felt that Allah must've loved him alot bc he sent me. So he asked if I was interested in marriage and kids, I said yes. So he asked if I wanted to live in the US. I said yes. So he invited me to come visit Italy again. So I came for a 2 week visit and rented a cheap place for us. We had a great time, except a couple hiccups. He revealed his jealousy... and proceeded to tell me what I could no longer wear, no longer go, and deleted 90% of my FB pics. Ok, I let it slide bc I knew it was coming with a muslim guy. I video chatted with his entire family, they all seemed to approve. They seemed particularly happy that I was not white and thought we'd make great looking babies. That's when the pressure started. They wanted us married and working on a baby. Why the rush I ask him? He said bc he was already 40 and needed to settle down. He said some of the family was initially hesitant but got on board when the realized I was not white and thought I looked pretty enough to fit in? (?)

So we looked into the fiance visa.. wait times was a year, he said too long for him to be without papers. So he suggested I temporarily move to Europe and we work on 1-2 year residency there, then move to the US later. Ok, that sounded like a good idea as I had wanted to take a couple years break from the mundane corporate life in the US. So I did, after a few hiccups, I got a short term visa to stay but not to work. Which he seems ok with, as long as he can work. So here's where things turn...

We're 2 months away from our planned wedding and some things are bothering me. First off, he has a very bad temper. He warned me, but I wasn't prepared for this. He did slap me 2x already, which the 2nd time I slapped him back. He hasn't done it sense but he was so angry when I slapped him back, we had a huge fight that lasted all night, included him calling it quits, and screaming half the night how he didn't love me anyway just wanted a green card. Mind you, he and I decided to stop using birth control and let it happen naturally if we got pregnant bc he all of a sudden wanted a baby bc the family was pushing it. In this fight he says he only wanted the baby so it would look good for immigration! I couldn't believe the kind, loving, but stubborn man I'd come to love was so hateful! The look in his eyes was so mean but almost comical, he was definitely trying to hurt me. He said he knew he could not trust me, that I wasn't even marriage material and planned on leaving soon as he got his papers bc he'd never love me or the kid, we were just a stepping stone. He said he'd tried to call it quits but I begged him to come back so he did so he could get the visa. I tried to be tough and act like it didn't bother me, so I said fine, tomorrow I'll be leaving back to the US.

So I grabbed a blanket and went to sleep on the couch. His brother called me like normal to chat. As soon as he saw my face he knew something was wrong. I told him what he'd said and that we were done. His brother tells me that he is saying that only to hurt me bc he's upset and treats everyone that way. But deep down he has a good heart and will calm down and apologize tomorrow. I was like how could someone say such hurtful things and I broke down in tears. He overheard my breakdown and came out of the bedroom and instantly started apologizing for saying things he didn't mean. That he was just so hurt that I'd slapped him back he wanted to really hurt me. He said he wouldn't allow me to sleep on the couch and he'd leave that night if I wanted him too. I was so confused, I just fell asleep with him holding em. He apologized and I forgave him. He has not hit me anymore, we talked how this was a very bad thing in Western culture and a man who loves a woman doesn't hit her. He agreed and catches himself. He has loss his temper 2 other times at night which I have to really work to calm him down. The last couple times he packed his stuff and left,only to come back an hour later and apologize. Reminding me he told me from the beginning he has a temper and when he's mad he says hurtful things. And yes, I've seem him treat his family like this too. They seem to be used to it and just let it slide.

So here we are, I just found out I am pregnant last week. He's so happy. The wedding date is set. I went to visit his family in Morocco last month and stayed for 4 weeks. They were all nice... too nice in fact it felt fake. Today he told me he was really, really sorry for how he's treated me and that he wants to work on this. He did ask for me to start covering my body once we're married like traditional Muslim women. He said after we are married, he wants to move (he has a job offer), and for us to start fresh away from family and friends. He said he hasn't been the best person to me, but wants to be the best husband and father. He said he's been very stressed due to how he was raised and trying to balance that with who he wants to be. He said he just wants me and him and our baby to start fresh and not let anyone else interfere or have any say so. He asked that I not discuss our plans or problems with anyone in his or my family bc he doesn't want anyone having a say so, this is our life.

What do you all think, is this all part of the scam? Do you think when he's angry he's truthful? Think maybe he was scamming but wants to change? Help, I'm so confused. I've accused him of scamming, he threw a fit. He reminded me he'd never asked for anything until he was desperate. He is asking me not to work. He wanted to start a family right away. And he called it off many times. He also advised me that if I wanted to wait for him to get established before marriage, he would be ok with that bc he wasn't a scammer. Sure papers to the US would be good but just to visit, he didn't think we could afford to live there now without both of us working and that was out of the question. So what do ya'll think? Anyone have a similar experience?

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Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".

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