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HELP! Engaged to a Moroccan

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men

Submitted by DIDI (Morocco), May 27, 2019 at 00:02

Ok, so while searching for advice on Moroccan men, I came across this site. And reading all of the tragic stories now has me suspicious.. which I should've been anyway, but never would have imagined how deep this ran. NOW, I'm confused and need advice.

Ok, so I'm an American, early 30s. Was on vacation in Europe when I met a Moroccan guy in Italy. Of course, hit it off, they are so gorgeous! He doesn't speak English, luckily we both speak some Italian. So, we exchanged numbers and talked. He initially didn't know I was American, I didn't share this right away. Honestly I didn't realize he wasn't European as he has a very fair complexion. He of course laid on the charm heavily, we chatted while I was there. I broke the news a week later I was leaving and that I was actually American. He broke it off saying he was looking for someone local and doubt his family would approve of an American, this is when he advised me of him being Moroccan, Arabic, and Muslim.

I accepted, got back to the US. but couldn't stop thinking about him. So I called him and asked why he had turned me down just bc I was an American. He explained culture differences, perceptions of Americans, etc. I said we should at least try bc things were going well, my family isn't racist, and love could conquer all. He said he'd talk it over with his family and if they were ok, we could continue. Of course a couple days later, he called and said family would like to eventually meet me, but was ok with the relationship.

So we chatted by video. He called me all the time, even when he was at work. I fell head over feet! Then he loss his job. Again, he called it off saying a man with no job isn't worth marrying. Me being me, called the next day saying I was still interested. Yes I know, stupid of me. He explained he was an illegal immigrant and was not likely to find work so easily. He said I was better off moving on and he was better off searching for a European lady to marry so he wouldn't be on the streets.

Again, I stupidly called him back and said love conquers all and believe we met for a reason. I offered him cash, he refused. I offered to pay for an apartment, he refused. He said he was a man and didn't need anything. So he was homeless for a few months, we talked anytime he could work a little and pay for his cell minutes and could charge the phone. Winter time roles around and he's sleeping outside and gets really ill, he has to be admitted to the hospital. He was so ill he couldn't even speak hardly, so the doctor asked who he wanted to call to help translate, and he said me. So here I was sitting in my office chatting with an Italian doctor who said he's got to get off the streets. I told him I was finding him a place and that was that, I cared for him. I didn't know what the future held, but I was paying rent for a couple months so he could get on his feet. He refused to let rent him a full apartment bc it was too expensive, so he got a room on airbnb for cheap and asked if I could send a little money for food. He was barely eating once a day. So he again called it off bc he felt like I saw him as charity and wouldn't respect him bc he didn't work. And he assumed I must be desperate or a whore to be with a man like him bc women in Morocco paid him no mind bc he was from a poor family.

I'm sure this is part of their scam. But I fell for it. Told him I was a Godly woman, didn't see him as charity, just like helping him bc that is love in America. He seemed amazed by this. He was 40, gorgeous, and never married bc he was poor. He assumed he'd have to wait to find a woman interested, but felt that Allah must've loved him alot bc he sent me. So he asked if I was interested in marriage and kids, I said yes. So he asked if I wanted to live in the US. I said yes. So he invited me to come visit Italy again. So I came for a 2 week visit and rented a cheap place for us. We had a great time, except a couple hiccups. He revealed his jealousy... and proceeded to tell me what I could no longer wear, no longer go, and deleted 90% of my FB pics. Ok, I let it slide bc I knew it was coming with a muslim guy. I video chatted with his entire family, they all seemed to approve. They seemed particularly happy that I was not white and thought we'd make great looking babies. That's when the pressure started. They wanted us married and working on a baby. Why the rush I ask him? He said bc he was already 40 and needed to settle down. He said some of the family was initially hesitant but got on board when the realized I was not white and thought I looked pretty enough to fit in? (?)

So we looked into the fiance visa.. wait times was a year, he said too long for him to be without papers. So he suggested I temporarily move to Europe and we work on 1-2 year residency there, then move to the US later. Ok, that sounded like a good idea as I had wanted to take a couple years break from the mundane corporate life in the US. So I did, after a few hiccups, I got a short term visa to stay but not to work. Which he seems ok with, as long as he can work. So here's where things turn...

We're 2 months away from our planned wedding and some things are bothering me. First off, he has a very bad temper. He warned me, but I wasn't prepared for this. He did slap me 2x already, which the 2nd time I slapped him back. He hasn't done it sense but he was so angry when I slapped him back, we had a huge fight that lasted all night, included him calling it quits, and screaming half the night how he didn't love me anyway just wanted a green card. Mind you, he and I decided to stop using birth control and let it happen naturally if we got pregnant bc he all of a sudden wanted a baby bc the family was pushing it. In this fight he says he only wanted the baby so it would look good for immigration! I couldn't believe the kind, loving, but stubborn man I'd come to love was so hateful! The look in his eyes was so mean but almost comical, he was definitely trying to hurt me. He said he knew he could not trust me, that I wasn't even marriage material and planned on leaving soon as he got his papers bc he'd never love me or the kid, we were just a stepping stone. He said he'd tried to call it quits but I begged him to come back so he did so he could get the visa. I tried to be tough and act like it didn't bother me, so I said fine, tomorrow I'll be leaving back to the US.

So I grabbed a blanket and went to sleep on the couch. His brother called me like normal to chat. As soon as he saw my face he knew something was wrong. I told him what he'd said and that we were done. His brother tells me that he is saying that only to hurt me bc he's upset and treats everyone that way. But deep down he has a good heart and will calm down and apologize tomorrow. I was like how could someone say such hurtful things and I broke down in tears. He overheard my breakdown and came out of the bedroom and instantly started apologizing for saying things he didn't mean. That he was just so hurt that I'd slapped him back he wanted to really hurt me. He said he wouldn't allow me to sleep on the couch and he'd leave that night if I wanted him too. I was so confused, I just fell asleep with him holding em. He apologized and I forgave him. He has not hit me anymore, we talked how this was a very bad thing in Western culture and a man who loves a woman doesn't hit her. He agreed and catches himself. He has loss his temper 2 other times at night which I have to really work to calm him down. The last couple times he packed his stuff and left,only to come back an hour later and apologize. Reminding me he told me from the beginning he has a temper and when he's mad he says hurtful things. And yes, I've seem him treat his family like this too. They seem to be used to it and just let it slide.

So here we are, I just found out I am pregnant last week. He's so happy. The wedding date is set. I went to visit his family in Morocco last month and stayed for 4 weeks. They were all nice... too nice in fact it felt fake. Today he told me he was really, really sorry for how he's treated me and that he wants to work on this. He did ask for me to start covering my body once we're married like traditional Muslim women. He said after we are married, he wants to move (he has a job offer), and for us to start fresh away from family and friends. He said he hasn't been the best person to me, but wants to be the best husband and father. He said he's been very stressed due to how he was raised and trying to balance that with who he wants to be. He said he just wants me and him and our baby to start fresh and not let anyone else interfere or have any say so. He asked that I not discuss our plans or problems with anyone in his or my family bc he doesn't want anyone having a say so, this is our life.

What do you all think, is this all part of the scam? Do you think when he's angry he's truthful? Think maybe he was scamming but wants to change? Help, I'm so confused. I've accused him of scamming, he threw a fit. He reminded me he'd never asked for anything until he was desperate. He is asking me not to work. He wanted to start a family right away. And he called it off many times. He also advised me that if I wanted to wait for him to get established before marriage, he would be ok with that bc he wasn't a scammer. Sure papers to the US would be good but just to visit, he didn't think we could afford to live there now without both of us working and that was out of the question. So what do ya'll think? Anyone have a similar experience?

Submitting....

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Title Commenter Date
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30Would love to share a pic/names/and details [74 words]ChristinaMar 29, 2020 16:13258211
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20Us "cute" little people in the Civilized World [472 words]ChelseaMar 16, 2020 19:55258174
15and furthermore [161 words]ChelseaMar 16, 2020 22:10258174
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29Let me save this forum [242 words]MariMar 2, 2020 16:30258044
25This sounds made up.. [96 words]N(not Natalia)Mar 6, 2020 05:45258044
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12Daniel Pipes, why are you still not cleaning up this thread? [272 words]
w/response from Daniel Pipes
BaffledFeb 17, 2020 11:12257819
21Did it Ever Occur to You - [81 words]NataliaFeb 25, 2020 00:25257819
9Response to [why are you still not cleaning up this thread?] [111 words]Also BaffledFeb 26, 2020 10:26257819
14I agree!!! [42 words]Lana(USA)Feb 26, 2020 23:18257819
7TBH [287 words]Jordana Ghannam-AhmedMar 6, 2020 01:22257819
9Response to Lana [77 words]RobinMar 9, 2020 13:47257819
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2oh my [71 words]
w/response from Daniel Pipes
RobertMar 16, 2020 12:17257819
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10Thank Goodness [141 words]RobinMar 24, 2020 21:17257819
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17Correct [142 words]NataliaJan 26, 2020 16:19257454
16Correct [376 words]Jordana Ghannam-AhmedJan 27, 2020 01:37257454
27Ok. I am done. This forum is now a pro Muslim site. [72 words]Nip it in the budJan 27, 2020 16:25257454
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18So in other words... [63 words]DidiJan 31, 2020 14:07257454
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28Solution? [119 words]
w/response from Daniel Pipes
NataliaJan 23, 2020 14:17257422
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11Same person/different names [21 words]AlenaJan 23, 2020 03:44257412
27United by one, divided by zero ;) [376 words]
w/response from Daniel Pipes
ShömiJan 22, 2020 20:17257407
18could be right shomi could be one poster posting under many names [103 words]observerJan 23, 2020 17:53257407
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11Response [110 words]NataliaFeb 3, 2020 17:59257407
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11You don't get it [104 words]ShadowFeb 6, 2020 16:37257407
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9You are right [121 words]LinaFeb 18, 2020 21:16257407
4Lana Reply [75 words]NataliaFeb 19, 2020 20:58257407
8Whom are you talking to??? [20 words]Lana(USA)Feb 20, 2020 23:04257407
4Lina/Lana [46 words]NataliaFeb 21, 2020 17:33257407
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4Lina/Lana [175 words]NataliaFeb 22, 2020 13:08257407
9They respect no women [105 words]RobertFeb 23, 2020 15:26257407
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18This forum is losing it's audience [38 words]
w/response from Daniel Pipes
Concerned ReaderJan 22, 2020 15:23257392
7Dr.Pipes!Let's go back on track! [130 words]Lana(USA)Jan 22, 2020 18:33257392
7The Forum, Daniel Pipes [138 words]Flo-Ri-DaJan 22, 2020 19:23257392
14In response to Daniel Pipes [65 words]Someone else annoyed with the fightingJan 23, 2020 12:54257392
9I think the forum is back to normal now and welcome back Jordana [184 words]JessicaJan 24, 2020 21:54257392
6Peace to all!!!! [464 words]Lana(USA)Jan 26, 2020 16:35257392
3Thanks and hello Jessica [20 words]Jordana Ghannam-AhmedJan 27, 2020 01:39257392
5I'm still here Jordana [163 words]JessicaJan 29, 2020 22:38257392
3Agree [24 words]jessica (canada)Feb 1, 2020 14:15257392
1WHAT GOES ON HERE IS NOT OF ALLAH!!!!!! [90 words]LexiJan 22, 2020 11:02257375
20Oh Really???? [106 words]Not Muslim,never will be!!!Jan 22, 2020 13:46257375
11ok then Lexi, if this forum is not of "ALLAH"...you better leave [9 words]ChelseaJan 22, 2020 14:03257375
1No [16 words]LexiJan 22, 2020 14:10257375
1No [74 words]LexxiJan 22, 2020 14:15257375
13*Typo [40 words]Not Muslim,never will be!!!Jan 22, 2020 14:19257375
12but yet, you have no problem with your husband having 4 wives and concubines? [2 words]ChelseaJan 22, 2020 14:40257375
2No Again [25 words]LexiJan 22, 2020 14:47257375
12So what is your point?Are you here to convert all of us here????Keep dreaming!!!! [134 words]Not Muslim,never be!!!!Jan 22, 2020 15:05257375
10To quote [59 words]ShadowJan 22, 2020 15:07257375
17Sodemy & Muslims [24 words]AlenaJan 22, 2020 15:18257375
9Lexi..Lexxi [70 words]ShadowJan 22, 2020 15:41257375
14But alot of muslim girls does have sex before marriage [89 words]jessica (canada)Jan 22, 2020 15:48257375
6SO WAKE UP LEXI [27 words]jessica (canada)Jan 22, 2020 15:59257375
8MUSLIM MEN [52 words]jessica (canada)Jan 22, 2020 16:03257375
3I live in US [26 words]NataliaJan 23, 2020 12:11257375
8Not wrong but... [103 words]Jordana Ghannam-AhmedJan 24, 2020 12:31257375
3Talk talk talk [31 words]ValerieJan 22, 2020 01:26257371
5Nice tried Valeria set up another name not Diana/Amy/Susan this time [27 words]jessica (canada)Jan 22, 2020 19:49257371
8To the Mentally Unstable Person Who Pressed the "Dislike" Button on my "Back and Responding to..." Comment Over 400 Times [20 words]NataliaJan 21, 2020 13:45257356
11TRUTH [99 words]NataliaJan 20, 2020 17:27257333
8Thats right Chelsea well said [81 words]JessicaJan 21, 2020 18:05257333
14Allow me to tell you a story [457 words]ShömiJan 18, 2020 09:26257233
4This is Nikki's post. i think she typed it in another forum not this one [363 words]jessica (canada)Jan 20, 2020 15:39257233
102Back and Responding to the Sensible Observations as well as the Non-sense [366 words]NataliaJan 17, 2020 11:26257202
21you are crazy [1 words]RobertJan 17, 2020 13:47257202
18About the women Natalia [22 words]JessicaJan 18, 2020 01:54257202
8And You Are Irrational [44 words]NataliaJan 19, 2020 14:59257202
13Yes they are all unstable and mental [298 words]JessicaJan 19, 2020 23:30257202
16Jessica,you are so are right!She is crazy and mentally ill! [163 words]Lana(USA)Jan 20, 2020 13:42257202
13Trolls [145 words]ChelseaJan 21, 2020 12:01257202
10Still Perpetuating the Stereotype of the Over Emotional, Irrational Female [184 words]NataliaJan 21, 2020 13:19257202
8Excuse me....did I call your name out in this post? [10 words]ChelseaJan 21, 2020 13:35257202
6All the dislikes [27 words]JessicaJan 21, 2020 18:10257202
6Yes Natalie have very severe mental sickness [283 words]JessicaJan 21, 2020 21:43257202
3Chelsea like I said poor lonely soul [19 words]JessicaJan 21, 2020 21:47257202
4Salaam Alaikum [61 words]Jordana Ghannam RatebJan 21, 2020 21:55257202
12Natalia. You must need something because your actions here show you to be unstable. [298 words]RobertJan 22, 2020 13:35257202
5Idiot Thinking [31 words]NataliaJan 22, 2020 14:18257202
5Robert [312 words]NataliaJan 22, 2020 14:42257202
12Natalia [255 words]RobertJan 23, 2020 01:43257202
10Well said Robert [18 words]AlenaJan 23, 2020 03:53257202
5I won't share my story now [63 words]AlenaJan 23, 2020 16:38257202
7Yes Robert [78 words]Polly (USA)Feb 8, 2020 23:48257202
4Polly Response [210 words]NataliaFeb 10, 2020 12:26257202
4Jessica. really acts like bully and unstable [17 words]SusanJan 16, 2020 18:28257196
10oh really these women are so unstable Susan including you [65 words]jessica (canada)Jan 17, 2020 16:02257196
10Did I bullied anyone LOL [53 words]JessicaJan 19, 2020 22:20257196
5I dare the troll will make up another name [196 words]JessicaJan 21, 2020 01:27257196
13No Jessica, you did not bully anyone, you just tellin it like it is [108 words]ChelseaJan 21, 2020 11:41257196
4Well said Chelsea [277 words]JessicaJan 21, 2020 21:23257196
6SUSAN/AMY/DIANA VERY UNSTABLE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES MENTAL ILLNESS [26 words]JessicaJan 21, 2020 21:54257196
4Jessica you're obsessed with someone [117 words]DianaJan 16, 2020 18:04257195
12Hahahaha Nice Tried Diana [153 words]jessica (canada)Jan 17, 2020 16:19257195
7Regarding "MOVING" [27 words]jessica (canada)Jan 17, 2020 16:21257195
20Amy/Diana/Susan the same person [74 words]jessica (canada)Jan 17, 2020 18:41257195
8By the way [11 words]jessica (canada)Jan 17, 2020 19:07257195
15Jessica ,you're right!!!LADIES,LETS STICK TO THE PUROSE AND TOPIC OF THE FORUM !!! [87 words]Lana(USA)Jan 19, 2020 17:13257195
8Yes Lana all these trolls are one person [41 words]JessicaJan 19, 2020 18:26257195
7I'm a "Troll" - That's Why My Comments Have the Most "Likes" Right? [38 words]NataliaJan 20, 2020 08:18257195
7Hahaha your comments has most dislikes [42 words]JessicaJan 20, 2020 13:53257195
2Sorry phone typo again [20 words]jessica (canada)Jan 20, 2020 18:21257195
2Your posts have most dislike Natalie [30 words]JessicaJan 21, 2020 18:16257195
5What has this forum come to? [100 words]Jordana Ghannam-Ahmed (Egypt)Jan 22, 2020 05:39257195
12Movie for you women to watch [64 words]JowaJan 16, 2020 13:59257191
7Just a movie nothing more [28 words]jessica (canada)Jan 17, 2020 16:08257191
8Brainwashing [11 words]Not Muslim,never be!Jan 18, 2020 14:00257191
4Right Over Your Head [28 words]NataliaJan 19, 2020 15:01257191
4I'm Going to [4 words]NataliaJan 19, 2020 15:02257191
5Veer Zaara [74 words]LinaJan 19, 2020 15:25257191
9Not muslim never be..loved your name [40 words]JessicaJan 20, 2020 00:00257191
26The NEED to protect your "honor" [204 words]Lana(USA)Jan 20, 2020 09:56257191

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