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I feel your pain Lorna

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men
in response to reader comment: Not sure I can get through this pain

Submitted by Michele (United States), Sep 4, 2018 at 02:45

Hi Lorna!

I am with you. I feel your pain. I am crying as I write this because I miss my ex-Moroccan love. I also blocked him completely (and his friends and family) on all communication and social media sites. He has no way of contacting me now. And it hurts. A lot. I really understand how you feel. I also have a college degree - in fact, I have a Ph.D. - and I was still fooled by this young Moroccan man. For almost 1.5 years he has only said beautiful loving things to me but I know this cannot be real because of our age difference. Oh yes, I wanted it to be real. I loved my Moroccan man so much. UGH! Many times I also wondered how I was going to make it through the day without collapsing on the floor crying uncontrollably. I have felt like I was going to faint and/or throw up at times. Emotional pain is horrific and it takes so damn long to go away. I am here for you, my kindred spirit, Lorna. I wish you could come over to my house right now and I would give you a hug and tell you that I completely understand what you are going through, just as so many others on this forum do.

But make no mistake, I am by no means healed. I still struggle every day.

My strategies have been as follows:

1) Do not let your mind "go there" - every time I start to think about the "good times" with Hamid, I do ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING to think about something else. I look at the tile on the floor and think about how tile is made; I look at the trees in the yard and think about how many years ago they must have been planted; I focus on the birds in the trees and watch how they fly; I think hard about a project I am trying to undertake and delve into the details of that project (timeline, materials, hours needed, etc.); I think intently about anything that is not related to Morocco or Hamid.

2) I read, read, read, sometimes for 2-3 hours/day, about bezness and stories about how woman's lives were destroyed by MENA men. I am so thankful, as you will be, that I discovered this scam now - not 5 years from now after I was married to him and he ultimately left me for another woman.

3) I look to others for support. I told my sister and good friend about what I'm going through. Find someone that is non-judgmental and tell them about your situation. Cry to them. Text them. Call and talk to them. That is what I did. My sister and friend routinely point out the reasons why this is a scam. If there is no one you can talk to, post to this forum. This forum has helped me tremendously. Every single response helps, as I hope you are experiencing.

4) Stop and breathe. This was a suggestion by Bazoonga, which I didn't understand at the time I read it. However, I have recently focused on how I'm feeling when I want to unblock him from Messenger, WhatsApp, etc. I have noticed that right before I start crying, my shoulders are near my ears and I am very anxious. It is at this point, I just stop for a second and concentrate on dropping my shoulders and taking a deep breath in, then out. This helps more than I thought it ever would.

Most of all, know that I understand the intense pain that you are going through. The wounds are still very fresh for me. Please let me know how I can help you - not that I'm strongest person in the world, clearly! However, I hope that we can even help each other.

Love and hugs to you,
Michele

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