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Not All Are Bad...But Use Your Head, Not your Heart

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men
in response to reader comment: WELL CHELSEA IM BACK

Submitted by Jordana Ghannam Ahmed (United States), Apr 4, 2018 at 22:53

Hello Ladies,

I have not read/posted for some time, I hope all is well with each and every one of you who has been a regular on this forum; for those who may be new here and questioning a new "friend" or love interest, my advice to you is going to be much the same as most of these women will tell you: follow your head and be objective, DO NOT throw caution to the wind when it comes to matters of the heart, unless you want to be taken advantage of and played a fool.

I personally have not experienced what these women have, but I can confirm it is a very real phenomena, and anyone in North Africa and the middle East would agree, even if not directly affected/involved themselves. I myself am a middle Eastern/Muslim woman (Syrian and palestinian) and my husband of 11 years, who is Egyptian, is one of the "good" ones. However, it is no secret to either of us, that north africans in particular have a very well deserved bad rap as scammers and womanizers and amongst the regular citizens, this stereotype is somewhat of an embarasment and a bit of a joke. Certainly there ARE decent men in Egypt, or elsewhere in the region, just like there are in USA or elsewhere BUT you are not likely to encounter those men anywhere online (via social media or dating sites/apps) or in the tourist industry (in our culture, men working in the tourist industry particularly in Sharm El sheikh or hurghada are considered to be uneducated jump offs with loose morals and very opportunistic, these men encounter an endless stream of foreign women with money (ANY money is alot of money to these men trust me) who find them physically attractive (MENA women wouldn't give these same men a second thought, and their chances of marriage to a respectable Mena woman Of a higher socioeconomic status are slim to none). these men won't sleep with or accept money from any female they respect or have sincere romantic plans with, period. If you've met this man online and it's been a year or more with no marriage/immigration, HUGE red flag.

Other red flags are: you are older even by a few years than him or unable to bear children due to age or other reasons (this is just not a socially acceptable concept in Mena culture, you are of a different race and/or religion (mixed marriages DO happen and CAN be legit but those are the exception to the rule tbh, you haven't met his family and friends in their entirety, he accepts money from you or allows you to pay for ANYTHING (including travel costs, rent, shopping, A meal, I mean ANYTHING), he has ANY kind of premarital sexual activity with you (including phone or online "sex", nude photos, etc). Even if all the signs seem to check out you need to be realistic about what the chances are for a long lasting future between two people from such polar opposite ends of the spectrum. If you wouldn't feel the same way about a similar man from your own culture, it should be no diff for a man from another one. Expect the same standard, in fact, expect an even higher standard to be met from a man from this culture.

I mean no disrespect by my next comment and I'm simply stating the general consensus and hard truth I'm not trying to bash western women OR mena men, but: most respectable mena men are very traditional and old fashioned, with strong values and will aspire to be with a similar minded woman from same background and family. They rarely seek out relationships with western women that are genuine and sincere, it can happen but again, very very uncommon.

If you are on here picking fights, bragging about your man, or defending your "perfect catch" relationship, that would be indicative of exactly the thing women are warning of on this forum. No one in a healthy happy and legit relationship or marriage is going to spend time defending it and showboating to perfect strangers online. I happened to find this forum on accident when looking for mena men dating jokes/memes for one of my four mena brothers. We thought it was a joke, but I've since realized there is nothing funny about what these women have gone through.

I don't like to see people being painted with the same broad brush (esp Bc I AM from this culture and my own husband, dad, and brothers are of the male mena population) but women fall victim to this everyday: intelligent, decent women with something to offer, and they aren't wrong for being skeptical and putting everything to the bullshit test. I'm not offended Bc I don't need to convince anyone of anything, my relationship and my friends and family are what they are and will speak for themselves, I am not trying to sell the idea that mena men are amazing and only stupid women fall prey to them (Bc that's simply not true and anyone who thinks they are part of the my Mohamed is diff club is probably the biggest victim out there) and I know nobody on this public forum gives two f&$!s about my personal life or anyone else's, They just trying took share their experiences and save others the same heartbreak and wasted time and feelings.

Anyhow, just thought I'd put that out there from my own perspective as one of the mena wives in the world, and wish everyone here the best in the future and to always err on the side of caution in love especially in the online age, best way to meet someone genuine still is the old fashioned set up or introduction via family or friends, and if you choose to put yourself out there make sure you excercise your right to ask questions and have high expectations, cover your ass and you won't be a victim and those who've been there, continue to share your story to serve as a cautionary tale to other well intentioned women.

Subhanallah

Submitting....

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Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".

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