Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men
Submitted by Ashley (United States), Mar 9, 2017 at 14:18
This makes me so sad, I wish I could have seen this thread sooner. But I probably wouldn't have believed it. I haven't read all of the posts yet because there are so many and I felt compelled to share mine too.
It started exactly one year ago. We met on vacation, it felt so real. We kept in touch after which I didn't think would happen. He lived in Miami and I in Toronto. We talked everyday and I expressed my desire to visit as I hadn't been before. I wanted to come for my birthday but he insisted that I come even sooner. So I did. I paid for my flight because I didn't see the problem, he was offering me a place to stay. It was amazing, everything was perfect and I traveled back to see him another time after again paying my way and sometimes even helping him with money. Not much but still help. He had a job but spent his money without thinking. We were in love instantly, he told me about his faith and because I was Catholic he was okay with dating me.
Flash forward: he invited me to Morocco. I pay my flight but he tells me that he will take care of everything else. I bring 1000$ just as spending money incase. We end up using everything. We had a great time but spent a lot of it with his friends. In fact I would get left on the beach for hours alone while he played soccer with his friends. By the end of the trip we were so in love and making more plans to move in together in Miami. When I was home again in Toronto he would call me everyday telling me the sweetest things and I would share all of my deepest secrets.
I eventually quit my job, move out of my perfect condo in downtown Toronto and go to the beautiful state of Florida. I leave my family and friends for him too. He had told me on the phone before that we would get married as soon as I arrive because he didn't want to commit sins by living with me and committing adultery. I was so in love, I was excited, it was perfect to me.
We told our parents and they were happy for us on both sides. We got married in a Mosque. He told me not to tell anyone just our parents, that he didn't want anyone to be jealous and give us the "evil eye". When I moved in I brought with me about $2000 Canadian cash. Which was spent almost immediately. We also lived with him room mates in the same house he was living in before. He told me we would move but we never got the chance to due to the lack of money.
About 5 months pass, lots of ups and downs. Mostly I felt alienated because he would always be with his friends speaking Arabic. We make plans to see my family in Toronto for Christmas. We use my cards him always telling me he's going to pay me back. And we have an okay time in Toronto but he keeps wanting to spend money and go out constantly while I just want to relax with my family. He eventually goes back to Miami and I stay in Toronto until he can find a new home for us to live.
I went back to visit him two weeks ago for just one week because I had work commitments but the plan was to go back as soon they were done. The calls and texts are not as often and I feel like I have to force him to talk to me. I could feel that something was wrong. He starts telling me that he's not sure how this is going to work because of cultural difference. Something he always told me we would get through. He now seems to be hesitant. He now starts telling me to start focusing on my own life that he doesn't want me to just be waiting on him all the time. When he's the one who put it in my head that we would travel everywhere together and made sure that I was okay with living anywhere in the world with him. I was. But now plans seemed to be changing.
I knew something was different, not like anything before. He kept bringing up his family and the pressure they are putting on him to go back to Morocco. I said I would come. But now he said I would never get into the system, I would never be accepted by his traditional aunts and grandmother. I was in complete shock. Never had he cared before. Never. It was always us. I finally just accepted that it was over. And yes I'm still in so much pain.
He owes me around 10,000 Canadian. He's in Florida and I'm in Toronto. Soon he'll be going home to Morocco where he can escape any burden of paying me back. I don't even know if he will make the divorce final. He would always joke about how he has no respect for the USA and that he could just fly home and not have to worry about his debts.
I feel like a fool. I thought he was perfect. I gave up everything for him. We're both 25. It seemed like a dream come true. From how we met to all the obstacles we faced. But he just gave up. He hasn't called to see if I'm okay, nothing. Just living his life. He took away one year from me, alienated me from my friends by telling me they are bad people.
I'm so glad I'm not alone, even though I would never wish this upon anyone. He made me fall in love with his culture too. But now I can see that commitment to women is a joke. I was just the white girl to keep him company while he studied in the USA.
You live and you learn. I just hope I don't come out bitter in the end. I want to be able to trust. I want to be able to love again. But that seems so far away.
This is so new to me if anyone wants to reach me personally please do so. My email is firstname.lastname@example.org
Maybe we can help each other.
Much love to you all, you are all beautiful and deserve better.
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