|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Possible but be awareReader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by Sheila (Austria), Jul 12, 2016 at 12:20 Hi Alexandra, I'm Sheila, I'm 29 and I'm Swiss of African origin. I'm also a Muslim. Before I start telling my story, please be aware that my aim is not to discourage you in any way or tell you what to do, but just to give you an insight what could - or could not - happen. I believe that most of failure stories were due to a lack of knowledge and information (which, through your post, I can see that you are a smart educated and totally aware person of the realities of the world). Vice-versa, most success interracial/intercultural relationships are due to the fact that the persons (both sides) got very informed of each other's cultures/religions/races. They therefore entered the relationship not blindly by saying "oh, but he is different" or "he is not like what people say, this can only work" or "the others are idiots and know nothing and think they know more". Their relationship worked because they entered the relationship with FULL KNOWLEDGE of how the relationship might or might not go. And also knowing that - especially as a woman - there is A LOT of sacrifices that you will have to make with marrying a Muslim man. But remembrer, love can be blinding and often makes us naive and blurs our vision of reality, no matter how smart, educated or wise we (think) we are. When I was 18, I dated a Moroccan guy for two years. I met him in Switzerland. It went from perfect dream to nightmare. It didn't take long for me to find out that he had sweat talked me for months before showing his true colors. It started with a bit of jealousy and comments here and there and ended with him threatening to paralyze me and burn my parent's house down with my family in it... This was from a man who had promised the world to me and was very educated and lived in the same relatively liberal environment as I had. But I was young, so what did I know, right? Oh, and I am also a Muslim mark you, and I'm of African origin. So I knew more or less what I was to expect, or at least I thought so! But I didn't compute some basic factors such as the huge cultural clash and the way men, especially from northern African countries, can be manipulative and convincing before they try and shut you in their own ways. Now, they are gonna try and justify it with "Islam" but it's a lie: Islam - whether you believe it to be a pacific religion or not - is NOT what most Muslim men show or how they act. Let me explain myself: Muslim men INTERPRET the Coran however they deem good for them. All religions has its positive and negatives, but the problem with Islam is that it's interpreted by men (= penis men, and not men as in "humans"...) and trust me it can suck for women, whether Muslim or not. I know how African Muslims operate because my own father, my brothers, cousins, uncles, granddads, best friends etc. ARE Muslim men. I also have many Muslim friends from other origins. But trust me, that was FAR from the preparation I needed to date my Moroccan ex. I do not want to generalize anything, but I have sadly heard more unsuccessful stories than successful ones ESPECIALLY when it comes to non-Muslims dating Muslims, and above that if the Muslim is living in a Muslim country! But I do insist that some relationships work totally fine. My personal advise to you is to just be very careful and maybe get to know this person more. Depending on how old you are and how much experience you have (for instance, I was 18 when it happened, so maybe young), then I don't only suggest this to you but ADVISE you to please wait. He is maybe trying to take advantage of you (classic rookie signs is when a person insists on you giving or sending money) and maybe talk to other people who are married to a Muslim living in a Muslim country (this is important as, although it's difficult to generalize, most "success" stories are because the Muslim person was living (or had lived long enough) in a non-Muslim environment and was hence more "exposed" and "aware" and "accepting of the cultural differences). When I spoke to my Moroccan friends about my ex., and this is serious, almost all of them told me the same things: leave them to the Moroccan men to Moroccan women or women with similar backgrounds/cultures/lifestyles. The only way to survive with most Moroccan men is to learn how to accept and obey all the time anything and everything. Then your life will be nice because there will never be a reason to create tensions and - hence - to, well, be mistreated. I repeat again that I am also a Muslim and I respect my religion and love all of my Muslim brothers and sisters. So this is just based on my experience with MY Moroccan man, but I can't generalize anything as some of my best men friends are from Morocco. And also bare in mind that you are going to be living in Morocco, a country where Islamic laws have a GREAT importance and where there something to go wrong, you wouldn't get the same support you would abroad. Get to know this man, watch out for rookie signs (being "tooo" kind with you, asking little by little - but more and more often - for money, teaching slowly about how Islam would be great for you, asking you to marry him too quickly, etc.). Even better: wait till he graduates, gets a job, etc., and if you still are together, then take the plunge. Also, if you have Moroccan girlfriends, that's the BEST! If they are anything like MY friends, they will be blunt with you and tell you exactly as it is with "their" men. Good luck with everything and it's not because my story way unsuccessful that yours won't work! But please, the SECOND you see a sign of aggressiveness or too much control or reduction of your freedoms, know that things will never change and they will only become more and more strict and difficult...unless you are willing to accept them as they are. Oh, one more thing, if you are of a Caucasian origin, then please note that it's not because when you are in Morocco (or ANY developing country in the world) you are treated like a princess that it will be the same once you live there. Once you move to such countries (such as my country of origin for instance) they will expect you to act like all women there, whether you are white, black, hispanic, asian, jew, hindu...you get the idea, right? All the best, Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments". Reader comments (21923) on this item
Comment on this item |
Latest Articles |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
All materials by Daniel Pipes on this site: © 1968-2024 Daniel Pipes. daniel.pipes@gmail.com and @DanielPipes Support Daniel Pipes' work with a tax-deductible donation to the Middle East Forum.Daniel J. Pipes (The MEF is a publicly supported, nonprofit organization under section 501(c)3 of the Internal Revenue Code. Contributions are tax deductible to the full extent allowed by law. Tax-ID 23-774-9796, approved Apr. 27, 1998. For more information, view our IRS letter of determination.) |