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Luhx: Thanks for Sharing; Some ConcernsReader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Oct 23, 2015 at 15:47 I get very sad sometimes when I see the posting here. I think a lot of us forget that you have the potential to be heartbroken, beaten, abused and hurt by anyone. Keep this in mind: First of all, I think a lot of women are just blowing off steam when they say things along the lines of "all Muslim men are bad". They are probably saying it because it's a take of Western culture to say "all men are pigs" when they get hurt by one, and since this is on DanielPipes, it's about an extra second to throw in Muslim on the keyboard. Now, some of them probably won't ever date a Muslim man or internationally again, and that ultimately comes down to personal preference. Not all Muslim men are bad, as evidenced by the stability and success of many Muslim relationships, but if you read careful over the years what women have said, they've been hosed by BOTH Western and Muslim men. What leads women to look overseas or make them open to such offers are situations similar to yours, Luhx. They are often divorced with kids, don't know who to turn to, or it's the case of an abusive relationship or being a dead-end relationship for 8-15 years. As in your case, Luhx, they didn't just start looking abroad for a husband. They tried it more locally first. Previous to my marriage with Mohamed I was in an extremely abusive relationship with an American man. He beat me for four years, leading up to the point of me being in critical care with five broken ribs, both lungs collasped, the lower bone in my back (a part of my sacrum) was damaged and until now I still have back issues. THIS WAS AN AMERICAN MAN. Yikes! That's awful, Luhx! I am hope you are getting better, and I will pray for you to make a full recovery. But I am genuinely concerned here. You're not the first person to say something like that---have an abusive Western partner and then after a fairly short time and marry an international man who probably says all the right things. In your posts, you emphasize American and Canadian and British men. That's troubling. While it is true that First World men in a lot of cases from Tokyo to Athens have very little in the realm of dating skills and other are just abusive like your former partner, I am concerned that this is pillar of your marriage. Marrying someone just because they are from somewhere else to thumb your nose is a bad idea, even if it gives one some sense or satisfaction of revenge. When I met Mohamed in Vegas (we only knew each other for about three hours before parting ways and he did not try to sleep with me) See, this passage right here highlights some problems in your thinking. You're saying you went with this man (and later married him) after meeting him on holiday (in Vegas, not exactly a treasure trove of honest people) and communicated with him on-line while he was Egypt until you two married. That situation in and of itself carries a lot of red flags. Meeting you on holiday, when your guard is perhaps more down and then talking on-line without even meeting until the wedding??? It's no wonder you've been reading this site, Luhx! Your relationship had (and probably still does to some extent) all of this uncertainty. I doubt being married has completely washed it away. In a sense, I can almost see you trying to convince yourself this is real by writing on here. Is that the case? and came home continuing to talk to him all my friends told me I was "stupid" and "crazy" and that he would never marry me. They told me he was probably already married because he was 31 and by this time most men are married. They told me I was being played. What makes you think you still aren't? You've only been married for a year, you married him quickly, and it's not clear to me how soon that happened after your last relationship. Also, yes, it's possible he has a wife and kids in Egypt and that this is a scam. At the very least, Luhx, you owe it to yourself to ask if this marriage IS real, in spite of everything you've seen on here and didn't like or what you have written recently. I am NOT in favour of divorce, but the question women in these situations need to be asking is if the marriage vows were even real on his part to begin with. I can tell you that is NOT the case in a VISA scam. He spent nine months trying to convince me that I should move to Egypt because my life there would be better. He had a great job in Finance, and is very close with his family so he did not want to leave. I have no family, was adopted in my teens and my adopted mother lives in Canada. (I am in America) When he realized that I was not going to move to Egypt and marry him, he made the choice to move here. He surprised me in December by sending me a picture of the hotel he was staying at by my house. We were married a few days later at the courthouse, and then at the Mosque. I'm really no sold that him convincing you to move there means this is home-free. This has come up before on here, and liars and scammers are quite crafty when they are talking to anxious, hurt or depressed people. In some cases, they may even threaten to cut off communication. I even had this happen to me at least once to some degree. But, they can do that when they have the power over you. Luhx. It was not without struggle. His sisters were completely against him leaving, he had several internal issues to work out with his own family because they also believed he was "crazy" and "stupid". Moving here has not been easy for him either. He misses his country, his family and in general does not like living in America. Well, on-line, distance dating always will be a struggle. That's why most people don't do it and why it's a paradise for scammers. They have the advantage of withholding information otherwise detectable. That's one big reason why this forum is full of bad stories, and that's why it's not going to change. In another post, you talk about there being "good stories". I have addressed this several times on here, Luhx, and there never will be as many good stories as bad ones. He sacrificed evertyhing he had in his life there to come and be with me. Did he tell you that? If so, was pity part of the reason you married him? He has never hit me, or even been controlling. He doesn't have to be for this not to work out or even be real in the first place. We have had talks about normal things you would expect with such a cultural difference. The length of my dresses, my large amount of male friends, but we talk about this as a couple and as best friends and we understand that we both came from TOTALLY different backgrounds. Oh, I see. TOTALLY different, huh? Why the emphasis, Luhx? Are these issues more problematic that what you are saying? Have we had fights? YES! Aside from me having MAJOR control issues due to my severe abusive past, and my anxiety in general I tend to be the one who causes them and that's just me being honest. He is very calm, while I am very intense. It's good that you are able to admit that. Consider going from talking to someone only through the internet and the phone, to literally living with them. It's a very difficult adjustment even for couples who dated each other before let alone two people who never even kissed - and who come from completely different worlds. That's a big reason why most people don't do it, (not because they dislike Muslim men per se) and for the ones who DO do it, why you can see the messes on here. We've been married since December of last year, coming up on our one year anniversary and I can honestly say I've never been treated with more care, fairness and love than any previous relationship with an American or Canadian man. I see---so you admit to having anxiety and past relationship issues and you what? Rushed into the arms of the first sweet talking guy who looked and was culturally "different" than you? That's not unique, Luhx, that's an old story and one that more than naught leads to a scam and a heartbreak. You even threw in a the "honestly" modifier for good measure. I've learned not to be sold on that! The point is you know in a relationship if something ISN'T right. Usually, even when we are dating within our own religion and location - but we ignore it. Sometimes. But what has that got to do with the quality of your marriage? Please don't tell me, Luhx, you rushed into a marriage with a man you met twice in person (once including for the wedding) because you had bad experiences with Western men and this was your way of thumbing your nose at them...... Not all Muslim men are bad for western women. Strictly speaking, dating isn't even allowed Islam. And your marriage, Luhx, should speak for itself if it's as good as you want us to think it is. Not all of them are honest, loving and right for you either. Guess what? Not every man from America, or England or Canada is either. This is nothing new; people who talk about their relationship or say "mine's different!" have this on here at least once. That's too general and easy, and it creates an excuse to sweep the issue under the rug. Also, Luhx, why are you so adamant about measuring your relationship against the three prominent Anglo countries? Doesn't your marriage have enough of its own merit to stand on? Also, the reason why most Americans, Canadians and British marry Americans, Canadians and British respectively, is because they are more similar and it's much easier to get to know the person, so they don't spend 5-10 years and thousands of euros on wild goose chases all over the world. Also, most Muslims in Egypt will marry Egyptian Muslims. My name on facebook is Luhx Marghany. I'd be happy to add anyone who would like to see a more insightful view of our relationship, pictures of how very different I am from the regular girl when it comes to dressing, looks and religious views. I think anyone who needs to reference a stranger's facebook page for information on their relationship is in trouble. Also, see my last paragraph below. Maybe, it will give you a little hope that not all Muslim men are bad for you and maybe it will show you that what you have with your man isn't right? or is? How does your specific information help someone else? You are correlating YOUR views and they way YOU dress to others' romantic situations? Is this a cry for attention, Luhx? At the end of the day only YOU know what your relationship is and IS NOT. Yes and no. Otherwise, why do people come on here asking for advice if they know? People can give you advice, I received a ton of it and did what I wanted anyways and luckily for me I made the right choice, and I married the right man. I'm getting the impression from your posts that you think because you are married, it's all good. Marriage is not the finish in these cases. You have been married for one year. Scams and scandals can last much longer than that. I'd be happy to answer any questions, 100% honestly if you'd like to know more. Well, I've asked several questions in this post. Otherwise, whenever offers like these come up, I would strongly advise people in relevant situations to post on to the forums instead of (or do both) individually contacting others who may have a bias (perhaps not always intentional) usually along the lines putting their own relationship/partner's identity, culture ore religion ahead of your own. Some of what I have seen related to these offers (ie concern that women say bad things about Muslim men) is troubling. Luhx, you owe it to yourself to ask yourself if this IS in fact real. You interest in this site is a red flag. People do not just stumble on here by accident, they are LOOKING for something very specific. Also, those who are in good relationships DO NOT need to talk about them on-line, nor do they care what anonymous, third party strangers think about their relationship or their partner. A good, solid marriage should be able to overshadow and trump anything and everything said on here, Luhx, and in your case, I do not see that happening! The fact that you've come on here and said it isn't good enough, especially if you are not convinced of it. The way in which you met and married this man screams sky high of warning signs. While I understand you are happy about not being abused, Luhx, you have to recognize that is a very low for you to be setting (and that goes for all the ladies on here) when assessing other relationships, including your own marriage. It doesn't have to be abusive to fail. Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. 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