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IM HERE!Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by littlelemon (Australia), Sep 30, 2015 at 11:34 How old is your sister? What area are you from in Aus? I just feel sick to my stomach the more that I hear about these things. I isolated myself sooooo much. I didnt even go to family things anymore, I just wasnt HAPPY. I wish I could speak to your sister over the phone or even through email, Has she been to see a therapist? It took me so long to even realise it was him that was the problem, he convinced me that I WAS THE ONE CRAZY:( The best thing you can honestly do is PROTECT your sister and make a safe place where she can speak to you freely and trust you, you need to actually tell her that unfortunately our god preaches love and care and protection... and their book preaches beatings, denying of sex, multiple woman and also easy divorce.. I was told so many times that if I left he would send people to my home. He would kill me for his honour, he would kill my family. You sound like my two sisters that were always protecting me, pleading and begging for me to leave- But until I woke up and realised that he was an abusive muslim man and his whole family was so eager to DESTROY me... I actually would have married him or even before i married him.. I would have killed myself and my parents would have buried me. I need you to tell your sister that at the moment- she probably feels horrible, her self esteem is low and her confidence would be deflating by the minute. He knows this! And he is loving it. He is shaping her to be the PERFECT muslim wife- Who he will eventually leave home until all hours of the night with his Child, go out, drink, smoke, flirt and cheat on her with other women, then he will come home and beat her. Just like I was grabbed and my hair pulled and the trauma of all of this is indescribable! BUT he would be telling your sister... I would never do that because i love you, not me, i dont cheat or even flirt or look at other women, im perfect and faithful and so wonderful and she will never find anyone like me. pleeeeeeeeease Trust me!! I was around all the married men all going out clubbing eyeballing women like they were nothing. No wonder the women cover up in these countries. He doesnt love your sister, he doesnt know what love is. When i read your message I feel as if one of my sisters have wrote it, you had me at the flashy car.. What is it? Probably dealing with the same guy here- wouldnt surprise me. He will build your sister up to feel amazing, and then break her down like she is a nothing. He will call 10 times a day with wonderful messages, and then completely pull back and not call at all. It just takes time. There is two other italian women that I know... The situations have ended the same as mine- Restraining order. And you know what? Now they are married, happy, laughing, out all the time living in an unabusive relationship. Everyone tried to tell me. Over time i stopped self harming because i built up a little self worth. PLease listen, your sister unknowingly is partially addicted to the abuse, its a cycle. HE will devalue her and then blame her, then rescue her, then turn her against your whole family. Im lucky i can sit here today and type and reach out to other women . I honestly want to help her as much as I can. Some days will be so great and wonderful, but give it a few days, the longer the relationship progresses the faster the cycle happens, good news is that she will wake up soon. I was so brainwashed, I prayed on a mat and prayed hard so he would LOVE me. can you believe that? PRAYING for good treatment? Never happened. Then I prayed to my God- To heal my broken heart. Its going to be hard, probably the hardest thing she will ever do. Love isnt a tap- it cant just be turned off. She needs to channel it back into God and praying and getting out! Does she have a few close friends? They are so derived in the culture. Nothing will never be good enough. Due to this being an abusive relationship- Your sister may relapse and break up and then go back, and call and break up and see him again. My family watched this over and over again! Keep the connection with your sister strong. You are literally all she has . He wont ever give up on her- I can guarentee. But I can also guarentee that he will start physically abusing her. I NEVER EXPECTED IT FROM MY PARTNER! Honestly! There is a three point cycle. HE will first have an argument, then he will ignore her. She will call him, cry, plead, go crazy, get emotional, be angry AT HERSELF, blame herself, and then when hes ready he will speak to her (but punish her by commenting on how shes this and that and blah.) Tell her next time he begins to ignore her- to ignore back, Tell her to hold on the ignoring. In a few days he will message with a love story, how he is sorry and its his life, how he will change if she changes a few things, how hes gonna be better and the relationshipp will be great after they get married, how hes nothing without her and shes the best thing that ever happend to him. My ex sent me flowers, so many times, came to my house crying to my parents pleading... tell her How shes the one. Now she can either go back, or continue to ignore. and tell her to HOLD. Tell her to keep on ignoring him. Then he will rage. He will get so angry, tell her how shes a nothing, how hes gonna go out and how he doesnt need her, how shes disrespectful western, all the worst things. HE may even get so angry that he will try and smash things like her car. If she needs a restraining order for her safety please be there for her, its free and simple to do. And im lucky im protected. SHE will most definitely need it. And then after a week or two, much to her dread, he will have moved on to the next victim definitely, i can guarentee! these men are charmers. But your sister would have dodged a bullet. Tell her to start going out clubbing with her friends if shes old enough, take her out. get her tipsy! show her the value of this beautiful life. It only took me a couple of nights out with a good girlfriend to realise there are BEAUTIFUL warm hearted men in this world. She doesnt need to settle for this. HE should never make her upset or suffer, shes not dating a man. shes dating a psycho! ITs so hard for your family, my mother was headed for an emotional breakdown honestly. My sisters used to cry and it was HELL. I wanted out so much, but the abuse is the worst. Keeps you going back for another hit. Book a holiday even down South or somewhere! come to Perth :) I know you are sick of it. How long have they been together ? Your family needs to stick together honestly. Just be there to hear her out. comfort her when she cries and always remind her that she can do much better :) BUT STICK TOGETHER. It will be over before you know it. It took me a year and a half :/ Please feel free to speak to me, tell her my heart and ears are open. If you leave your email or phone number and want to chat to me directly I want to help! Ive had like $4000 worth of top therapy. She might go around the mountain a few times and thats okay too!!! Eventually she will see the light :) Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments". Reader comments (21923) on this item
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