|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
CONTINUING MY JOURNEYReader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by littlelemon (Australia), Sep 23, 2015 at 14:16 Shortly after i wrote this, we did rekindle. We made up, he apologized, we promised eachother the world that things would get better and also we should definitely take stronger steps towards marraige. Since then I have also fallen back into an extremely horrible trap that has lead to even a stronger cycle of abuse, now he grabs me, manipulates me, holds me against my will in his car, smashes things around me, curses to me in his language, turns on me at the flick of a switch and contunuiously devalues me. I just want to be honest and i hope i can reach out to one woman- this is my journey. I have permanent trauma that will stick with me for the rest of my life- it will take months for me to recover. This has lead me to file a Violence restraining order against this man- i would like to share this with you, Read and learn because the biggest regret i have had in my life is falling victim to this horrible person that calls himself a "man". Psychological abuse has affected me more then the physical ever did. The continuous devaluation of my self esteem will take time to rebuild. On a monday night after a full day of begging him to be kind to me and respect/appeiciate me... We fought. I fought, i fought for freedom. To have a voice. To safe myself from completely going crazy. It became do or die for me, i tried to wait for a calm moment to leave, there was no calm with this man... with the blink of an eye, a wrong look, a wrong word from me or anyone else related to me would unleash this wild man who took the oxygen out of my lungs- not ever did anyone treat me this way! I was brainwashed once again... I believed everything was me, it was my family, it was my western ways... It was my weakness, my insecurities, my lack of good spirit and my weakness deep within.. I relapsed into self harm, i relapsed into not working, not leaving from the house, crying crying and crying, yelling and pleading with God above- WHY ME! what have i done wrong in my life to deserve such treatment? is there a God? I questioned EVERYTHING. My relationship with this man was so unstable- my life was on the line and i knew something had to change before it was too late. Looking back at how much I suffered and how I still managed to recover as best i could with the time i had shocks me, he started forgetting about me. He was so preoccupied seeking approval, the man i met was merely a man at all. He was a little child seeking approval from anyone who would hear him out. The relationship he had with his single mother was sickly- but i took time to see these things- Eventually the physical abuse got so unbearable that I went to see a psychologist- an angel. A person who just got me, she got the cycle she knew i needed help and i needed it fast. My first session with her I think i just cried and asked why me.. it took me a couple of sessions to finally open up and speak for real about exactly what was going on throughout the year and a half. She was not only understanding but also tough, she stood her ground and told me I was in a cycle and the only way to win the game would be to leave, she said i had a long road ahead and i would have to completely destroy myself before I actually understood myself. She told me I needed protection, and The only people who could offer me protection to get away from this man was indeed the police- I was dumbfounded, I didnt believe her and I definitely was not ready to leave yet.. CRAZY isnt it?? most women would be out of there in a jiffy, but the manipulation of this man, he was a master. As the weeks rolled over the cycle fastened, I was exhausted my energy was completely depleted, i had no motivation, i didnt work or catch up with friends I WAS JUST EXISTING. but I wouldnt go on medication, the only problem that neeeded to be abolished was this MALE out of my life. The hardest day of my life so far was when he physically harmed me the night before- and then the following day he ignored me? he didnt answer my calls or messages... I was apologizing for raising my voice and telling him that it wasnt going to work but he didnt apologize once for assulting me... Infact - it completely was out of his mind- no big deal right? its not like I was bleeding so it all became ACCEPTABLE. He said he didnt want me anymore ( again ) that i was no good and mentally sick, he told me i was mad and crazy and brainwashed. I rang the police- I spoke to a domestic violence advocate and she said to me... I cried. Why were they so nice? why were they so caring and understanding? it took two months of psychology and i was finally at a point where I now understood the game of abuse the cycle! I told them the events that unfolded that night, that he was now pulling away and that I need to save the sanity that I have left within me and fight for my human rights! My mother and father took me to court that day to fill out forms but I couldnt, would i regret it? maybe id write the wrong thing? maybe i wasnt ready? I love my mum and dad so much and i will forever pray to be even half the people they are. The support they offered aswell as my sisters and brotherinlaws is unmeasurable. I am forever greatful and indebted to them- God knows if it wasnt for them... I wouldnt be here typing. The following day I was picked up by a lovely police woman, an advocate for domestic violence... And she got me, she listened... We spoke- she explained the process of court and standing before a magistrate to tell your story... The stress and nerves were out of control! He had no idea what was coming for him- even though i warned him many times to stop harming me- or i would get a court order- he laughed it off... He knew I was WEAK.. I arrived at the Magistrates court. I took a ticket and I sat down. I was at the end seat of the last aisle waiting for my ticket to be called. All of a sudden I was bumped nearly off my chair! I sort of continued looking at the TV not paying attention to who walked into me. Within the blink of an eye the police woman that came with me to court jumped off her chair and said in a panic 'get up, get up now' I lathargically got off my chair- I thought it was my time to be seen in the court room. She said 'hurry up, look at those people do you know them?' I was speechless, i looked up and a muslim woman and man, they bumped me. Not only did they bump me, but she believed that they were here for me. 'do they look familiar hurry up' I looked up, I didnt know them. 'no i have never seen them! it was probably just a coincidence'i shrugged it off. 'well they are here for you, they are staring at you and they are watching you, go outside and wait for my instructions, i think they are dangerous'. I was in a panic, I burst out crying and I hurried outside, i was now running from not just one man? but a whole culture. this was much bigger then what i had thought. I was frantic, i had my head in my hands and I cant even remember but I looked up and there was three security guards surrounding me, pushing me about running me to an upper level- a secure level. I have never been in fear so much. These people were here, they were following me. And just because he pulled away he still had eyes on me. Within ten minutes I was in court up before two magistrates, defending my protection and why I needed this order, it was the hardest decision- I was half full of sorrow and half of regret, WHY! How could I regret this after everything? After a YEar and a half of suffering part of me still wanted to protect HIM and love him... But before I knew it the order was granted. I also found out he was 31. he lied about his age by over three years- He had previous convictions of his father getting police protection so my boyfriend couldnt hurt him. He chased people out of placed with knives and got into a few hectic fights, The police gave all his info to me, I couldnt believe it. I was going out with a LIAR aswell! I walked out of court and I sort of felt a huge wave of emotions... regret, freedom, new life, loneliness, immense fear, safety, hate, anger, resentment, unsure of my future. I was ALL over the place. The police advised me to get out of my house and leave my job for a month. I wasnt safe. I gathered up my stuff and I stayed with family far away from home. Before he knew the order was in place, he text me, called me, emailed me, apologized i love you im sorry ill change its my work, my family, my lifestyle, he blamed himself and pulled all the strings he could. He sent me the biggest love stories but i continued to ignore. He sent flowers to my work and my home saying I love you and I always will. HE told me everything, how he wanted to marry me how i was great and beautiful and the best and he couldnt do better and he would leave the country if he couldnt be with me. I cried so hard for so long, i regretted the restraning order and everything i had done, i questioned myself now. The police went to his work and informed him of my actions, that he would no longer be able to contact me, call me, see me, be anywhere near me or have any communication with me. He cried to the officers and asked them why? he played victim. He was so good at it. He went to my work with the papers and said to my sisters Í dont deserve this'. I felt so horrible after reading all these emotional messages, I picked up my phone and I called him. He then resented me because of the order and put me down even more. I said i was sorry and regretted putting the order on him. I breached the order, we hung out, he told me what I wanted to hear, it lasted two days, and my family watched me again tumble into a lions den. We bumped into his mother at the shopping center coincidentally and she completely ignored me like I didnt even exist! I got so angry and I felt to rejected that we had an amazing argument again. I brought movie tickets for us, and after that i told him to just take me home. His mother was angry at me for sending police to the house and waking her son up to speak on the phone at midnight. I told him... My mother should have killed you by now. You ruined my life, ive left my own business, ive self harmed and needed psychological help, ive been putting my family through hell for a year, ive destroyed myself because of your words, my parents have watch me bleed through banaids and sat with me in hospital and through mettings and appointments, they have convinced me that in worthy and good enough because you stripped me of my confidence, they have watch me isolate myself and hide away in a shell, they have watched me go crazy and yell and scream and cry to be accepted and loved by you AND YOUR MOTHER HAD THE HEART TO IGNORE ME BECAUSE OF TWO POLICE!! I was so furious, he started lying saying he wasnt seeing me or speaking to me, I was now a secret. So ofcourse my confidence is even more stripped. I feel like a blob of nothing. how dare that family belittle me so much. He protects his mother yet throws me into a Den of Lions. and this is love? THIS IS HORROR. I Wouldnt wish this upon my enemy. But unfortunately or fortunately- This is my story. I had choices, we all have choices... I chose to Forgive. I had wonderful advise from a Nun from the catholic church- I am now in the process of understanding I have an addiction to this man and his approval- just the way he wanted too. I am looking forward to set myself free when the time is right but the retraining order still stands. HE is so unstable and all I do is love unconditionally= IT has everything to do with religion. DONT go near muslims- they need to be with there own kind. someone who gets it! who has been raised with no love so when the minimim is shown to them they feel so whole. But we come from a book that preaches love and good doings- May God bless all women - I am trying my best to help myself now. It has been a long road and just when i thought is was over it was just the beginning. SAVE YOURSELF FROM THIS ! I love each and every one of you and your kind souls. I thank my parents and family for sticking my me and watch me fail and hurt. They are amazing and I am so lucky and thank God for them every single day. No matter what they are my number ones. I LOVE YOU! :} Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments". Reader comments (21923) on this item
Comment on this item |
Latest Articles |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
All materials by Daniel Pipes on this site: © 1968-2024 Daniel Pipes. daniel.pipes@gmail.com and @DanielPipes Support Daniel Pipes' work with a tax-deductible donation to the Middle East Forum.Daniel J. Pipes (The MEF is a publicly supported, nonprofit organization under section 501(c)3 of the Internal Revenue Code. Contributions are tax deductible to the full extent allowed by law. Tax-ID 23-774-9796, approved Apr. 27, 1998. For more information, view our IRS letter of determination.) |