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Defending Relationships On-lineReader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Apr 14, 2015 at 20:13 Posting on this forum should not be fun, Amy. Defending your relationship or your husband's ethnicity is nothing new or special. I understand that some women say they don't like all Egyptian or whatever men, but if it bothers you that much, something is wrong. Besides, you should know that women tend to dislike all men when they get used and/or abused, and it's probably just that and they throw around adjectives like Egyptian or Muslim just because it's the focus of the forum. So in those respects, Amy, I think your concern for your husbands ethnicity is overrated and a waste of time and energy, as I doubt charitable correction is your intent. First of all, I never said someone MUST look for men internationally, or that it's the only option. I just was saying it's a viable option, and for many people it's been successful. Would you care to tell us where we could find all of these great examples? Who are these "many people?" So when you advise "Don't date internationally" with no caveats or exceptions, that to me is an extreme solution to a limited problem. Except that the problem is not limited and as far as the solution being extreme, well, the results of this forum speak for itself. Well, there are consequences with that restriction, namely a narrower pool. Some might say that's good to narrow their focus. The pool can be narrow or wide, but it's quality, not quantity, Amy. And it's quite difficult to assess quality on-line and with a distant, international partner from another country. Some people like more options, some people like less. Who is to say what's better. Not relevant to the merit of your relationship. When shopping for a bedroom set, I don't like too many options. I get overwhelmed as they all start to run together. But when searching for a mate to sleep in that bed with me, I want a larger range of options so I can have the highest sense of selectivity. And how can you assess that without being in person most of the time? Amy, I'm wondering if you trust this man as much as you would like us to think. Yes, but not all are single. Not all are 'my age' (let's remember how important that is). And what about compatibility between personality? Trying to assess whether or not the other person is lying (let alone computability) internationally, on-line or over the phone is nearly impossible. I think, Amy, you are covering for what was a fairly quick decision to marry a man you didn't know all too well. The sooner you wake up and start assessing the true merits of this relationship and whether or not it was a scam from the beginning, the better off we all will be. Sure, some things are easier. Being married to a local is easier. Finding him, for a muslim woman (without going online, that is) is harder. So I guess one is choosing which harder course they would rather take- harder finding, but easier living? Or easier finding, and maybe harder living? Harder finding does not mean easy living, Amy, even if it makes a nice, symmetrical quote. You may find that out soon enough. But see, this was never about getting support for my marriage. I don't really need anyone's support, I chose it and I'm living it, and I'm happy. So then: -- Why are you on here? --Why do you care what myself or others have said about your marriage? -- Why do you keep posting on here, and why are you deflecting attention away from your marriage? -- Why do you care what anonymous third-parties on-line think? I only cared to show that not all Egyptian men are horrible. I don't understand what people get out of trying to prove that they are?! I've said several times that there are good Egyptian men, but they will most likely be content with their lives in Egypt and marry Egyptian women. Do you really think that Egyptian men in good marriages come on here for support from Western women? That would be comical. Why is that? Isn't that what forums are for lol? As a writer and someone who markets herself as an experienced blogger, you should know that "lol" is a bad choice for words. I really hope for your sake you didn't say to yourself "I don't really trust the man I'm about to marry, but I will anyway, lol!" Lols do not make this okay or better, Amy. As for forums, if anyone has to come on-line and defend their marriage or their relationship, it's a red flag, whether the purpose of a forum is for that type of discussion or not. There are other sites I've actively posted on for years, and one of them even invited me to be an editor for them. I don't see what the big deal is about it. Whether or not you've been invited to site staff is off-topic. The big deal is that people in secure relationships don't need third party support and they don't care what anonymous third parties on-line think, and they certainly don't need to confront those individuals if they disagree with said person's relationship. Have you ever noticed, Amy, that Egyptian women married to Egyptian men do not run around here shaking their fists? Notice how it's only First World women who are usually older or have bought into an on-line relationship? Think that's a coincidence, Amy, or is it just more relative "some are good, some are bad"? And if so, where are all the good stories? Hm. I do it because I like standing up for something I believe in (No, NOT my marriage, but the Egyptian people- particularly the good ones among them). And, The fact of the matter is, Amy, the good Egyptian people do not need you or anyone else to defend them. Their character and relationships speak for themselves. I also find it interesting that someone in such a great marriage and who has been invited to edit elsewhere would spend so much time writing on this site. We must really have something going here if we can pull you away in your spare time or away from such a wonderful husband……. I'm a writer. Writers like to write, and look for excuses to do it lol. Mostly I do it because it's an enjoyable way to spend my spare time. Defending your man's ethnicity is a lousy hobby, Amy. Reminds me of insecure teenagers who have to see youtube videos of interethnic romance to show it actually happens. If you're set on marketing yourself as an enlightened writer, it's not a good mindset to have…… Have you ever asked yourself, Amy, if he goes on-line and defends your ethnic background or the good Americans? And do you even know where he is or what he is doing while you are defending him on here? Furthermore, having good writing credentials does enhance the quality of your marriage. In fact, you really haven't said anything terribly unique on here. Plus, there are pros and cons to marrying fellow converts. It's not for everyone. These "pros and cons" arguments on here have been tried before, Amy. It's about you and him, That's it. You should not have to make general statements to justify your relationship. It all depends on where people are and where they are trying to go. Well, a lot of international "dates" want your money, sex with someone "different" and/or a VISA, while folks back home in the First World come on here (and other blogs) to try and sell their relationship as real. Do the math on that one, Amy. You can't create compatibilty strictly from proximity. No, but you can at least have a good idea of if you are compatible instead of guessing and wondering, especially if one is a woman. It's much harder to assess male nonsense over skype, e-mail, the phone or ... convincing themselves this is once in a lifetime chance to snag a younger man who is different, which plays well into the arms of our PC Western society. Someone she can maybe even use as a trophy to smack an ex-husband or ex-boyfriend over the head with, or just come into work or the ladies night out and tell all her friends about it. Being similar in age does not mean he is not a liar, scammer, cheat or all of the above. I can't even get you to even consider that possibility. Well then, since you apparently live in the US, and clearly we see how you view things, how did you wind up on this forum? Were you scammed by a foreign woman? As I've said on here many times, I have been used before in on-line relationships and I have had numerous women internationally try and scam me. I found this forum originally out of an angry curiosity. As I said, Amy, I don't anyone just stumbles on here, dusts themselves off, and "lols" their way out of it. There's a lot of costs that come with on-line, international relationships. Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments". Reader comments (21923) on this item
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