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"There' Not Enough Men" ExcuseReader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Mar 15, 2015 at 20:42 I'm just curious, what advice would you personally give to a white, female convert to Islam who is seeking a husband? Same advice to anyone else: -Don't date internationally -Don't fall for the first person who IMs you on skype or AIM -Don't think someone from a different culture in another country +/- 15-20 years away from your age is really that interested in you and that it will lead to eternal bliss -Don't date someone whom you have to run around the internet defending to total strangers, or spend your time watching videos/looking for successful stories, as your relationship should be able to stand on its own merit. -Don't think that his culture/religion is superior and therefore means he is real and would never hurt you because he is traditional -Don't think that sweet pillow talk = real love -Don't think true love comes from talking with someone from another country 10-15 years younger than you over skype---this would be a concern even if the person lived in your country. If she lives in the US, the chances of finding a white, male convert to Islam are almost impossibly low. The chances of her finding such a person who lives in the same state or city, even lower. I don't think anyone will argue that it's easy, but don't dive off the deep end and say that a possible foreign scammer is the only option. If one can talk to someone abroad, one can most certainly do it with someone in this country. Muslim women can only marry muslim men, while muslim men are free to marry christians and jews as well. Muslim women who are a minority in their local religious community have an immense task in finding a spouse who shares their common culture, faith, and location. Well, there are consequences with that restriction, namely a narrower pool. Some might say that's good to narrow their focus. For example, a white female convert living in any major city of the US is primarily going to have immigrant men as the pool of single muslims to choose from. Most of them, as it happens, tend to be from Pakistan. There's plenty of Muslim men who are US citizens. Your claim is anecdotal. I don't know many white female muslimahs who are totally eager to limit themselves to that subgroup. Who says they have to? A start would be not to buy into self-pitying, sad nonsense that drives people to fall for international, internet lies. And being a Muslim doesn't necessarily mean a Muslim man won't lie and scam her. So the only other option usually is to expand out...to other cities, states, ethnic groups...eventually we white convert minority muslimahs end up checking out single men from other countries strictly because they are the biggest ocean to fish in. There is a flaw in this kind of thinking. Those "fish" seem to be almost always the bad ones. Many if not most of the good Muslim men in these countries are married to other Muslim women in those countries. So, what you are telling me is the only recourse is to look for men abroad at the risk of a VISA scam, because otherwise it's too difficult? I can tell you that landing a VISA scammer or someone who wants to use you for money or sex---that's easy. Of course, being a minority religion has its challenges, but running into the arms of a liar and scammer because it's easier isn't the way. Let me ask you this, Amy: Do you think converts to atheism, Zoroastrianism, or Buddhism have the same problem? I don't see them on-line complaining about it. It's a numbers game, in the end....unless of course you have a better idea to stack against these odds (and don't suggest something unrealistic like "look into non muslim men" or " stop being muslim" lol) If numbers matter, Amy, just look at all the, ahem, "successful" relationship relationship stories on here. Even the ones who claim to be a riveting success seem to be doing so in certain cases through clenched teeth or try and hide red flags, like being old enough to be the man's mother all while trying to sell us that this time it's different, special and so great…..really, it is. Ugh. It's even possible that while women on here defending their partner, he's off talking to other women. I can tell one that if one is willing to find a man who lives in this country that your life will be immensely easier. And really, Amy, while it's not easy, I don't think it's as hard as you'd like to make it out be now that you married. Yes, it will take more effort, but a lot of people don't seem to understand that on-line dating is still not easy. As I said earlier about your case, Amy, you need to stop making excuses and scenarios to support your marriage and see it for what it is. You owe it to yourself to ask yourself if what you have is real, or this was a scam of some kind from the beginning. It's unsettling to me that you keep posting on here and have such an interest in this site. If your marriage is truly happy and wonderful, you would not need to spend your time on here talking to me. Amy, please do not come on here and insinuate that it's just too hard to find another American citizen Muslim man. The Muslim population in this country is growing, and there are white men who convert to Islam, and certainly plenty of Black men have. I think, Amy, the reasons why so many women stick these out and cling to them has nothing or little to do with availability of men. I think it has to do with scenarios like them convincing themselves this is once in a lifetime chance to snag a younger man who is different, which plays well into the arms of our PC Western society. Someone she can maybe even use as a trophy to smack an ex-husband or ex-boyfriend over the head with, or just come into work or the ladies night out and tell all her friends about it. So in other words, pretty shallow, self-serving reasons. Then, when he gets over here for a few years, gets his driver's silence and learns English well enough, he's off to find a young Muslim virgin. Or maybe he had a wife and kids back home the whole time and will bring over here now, all because of a First World woman's petty selfishness as she, understandably flattered at first, but later ignored her instincts and gave out free passes she never would have to a balding, pot-bellied man her own age. As I said, Amy, you need to reflect on your own situation. As for the others in your situation, it's not as linear and dire as you make it sound, for one. Otherwise, you shouldn't need anyone else's successes or failures. This is about the two of you. It would not be good for this to turn into a scenaio where you keep on defending your husband and not listening to what we are telling you. That happens too often on the internet, Amy, and let me be clear as I can: this is all for you sake, really. Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments". Reader comments (21923) on this item
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