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many aspectsReader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by Amy (United States), Mar 7, 2015 at 17:21 Hm, I don't think I ever said my marriage would be forever. I have no way of knowing that. I have been divorced twice, I have a good spread of life experience from many things, so I am prepared to say anything can happen...but that doesn't negate the fact that I entered this marriage (as did he) hoping for the best and for success until our lives end. But does that mean I can't be happy? No, that's silly. People can be happy after meeting someone for the first time, so certainly I have every right to be happy as a newlywed. Yes he has no children. As I said before, to another poster, his first wife was older and had reproductive issues. His second wife didn't live with him long enough for children to enter the picture. He does, however, have experience raising step children from both marriages. I took my daughter with me when I went to meet him last November, and she adored him as well as he took so easily to her. I am sure he doesn't want his own children because he married me fully knowing I cannot bear him any. He had to take some time to weigh that, and I accept his choice at face value. He is happy with our family arrangements, I'm satisfied, and that's what matters. Neither of his exes were egyptian. They were both westerners. The divorces were a bigger issue for his family, but not for him personally. He is traditional when it comes to religion, but not when it comes to things like this. He doesn't have any more a problem with divorce, when indicated, than I do. And he divorced them, although the second was in mutual agreement as it happened. They didn't initiate it, he did. I did marry him before meeting him. At that point it was more of a technical necessity, because religiously it's forbidden to spend time alone together with someone of the opposite sex if you're not related somehow. If you want to marry someone, it's difficult to do so without really getting to know them one on one. Traditionally, muslim women have a wali, or a male relative, who can chaperone or help with that. I don't. I am completely on my own, and I wanted to meet the person who had captured my interest. I couldn't do it any other way but to marry him first, so I could be around him openly and easily with nothing on my conscience. I had intentions to marry him at any rate, that was never the issue. That's just an explanation of why I did it before actually meeting him. I agree with you that being Muslim doesn't guarantee the success of a marriage. I was married to a muslim for 11 years previously, and we still divorced. Divorce happens. I personally don't set a goal to never get divorced. I do the best I can, and hope for the best. I enjoy what there is to enjoy in a relationship, and work what there is to work. I never meant for it to seem like non-muslims don't work at a marriage, or don't try. But there is a vast difference between sincere people of any belief or background trying at something sincerely for several years, and it failing despite that, and a person who is following there flesh into a relationship with no care of anything else whatsoever.....then wondering why it failed or why they were scammed or heartbroken or whatever else. I have nothing personally against Christian women at all. In fact, before becoming muslim I was a very dedicated Christian for half my life. My first husband also was a strong Christian by most standards, and we even tried to live a Godly marriage. That one still failed, too. I am not saying that what I have or found is failproof, I am saying that it's a way to sift the good from the bad (Egyptians) and save some trouble. The cases you brought up, where women were married to Egyptian men for a number of years then the marriages ended- those aren't scams, dear. Those are just average failed marriages. Marriages fail for similar reasons even when people are from the same country. Family issues, cultural differences, parenting differences, all kinds of things. Those can't be qualified as scams. But you bring up something very important, that I think a lot of westerners underestimate- and that's the value of family to arab men. Yes, when it comes down to an ultimatum and no compromise seems to be working (because decent arab men do adore their wives and will do everything they can to find one), they will probably choose their parents over their spouse. If it's an issue of health or survival, you can bet on it. And you know what? I think that's a beautiful thing. I hope my own children love me that much when they are grown. So yes, his parents are still alive, I've already become well acquainted with the priority they have in his life. I swear that it only endears me to him, and actually endears me to them as well. They do already have 8 grandchildren as it happens between his brother and sister. And now, with me, they will inherit 4 step-grandchildren. I don't think they will feel shorted lol. And finally, to answer your questions about sponsorship- I was actually trying to go to Egypt myself. I couldn't get clearance from my work, as it happened. Our long term plan is to resettle in a gulf country. We don't think Egypt is suitable economically, and neither of us want to live in the US because of religion. So if you're concerned he is seeking a visa, there's your answer. Right now he is remaining where he is and I am still here in the US, until we can figure something longterm out. Thanks for taking the time to respond. I think honest discussion of all these factors is a benefit to anyone who is seeking clarity, in shaa Allah. Submitting....
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