|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
please contact me Completely DevastatedReader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by Dreams Destroyed (United Kingdom), Jan 24, 2015 at 15:58 Hi Completely Devastated, as you know from my previous posts, I completely and utterly know how you feel. My heartache and circumstances are virtually a copy and paste of yours: even down to how your husband left you, how he communicated that your marriage was over, the fact your family loved him and that it was seven months ago! I feel everything that you described: I spend my time trying to convince my family and friends who loved him also that he is not a bad person, that he didn't know this would have this ending all along, and that he didn't contrive to use me. But sadly in a way.....he is all those things, knew all those things and did all those things. Because of the similarities in our stories and because I still have the chance to have dialogue with my estranged husband, I think I can offer a perspective on why they have done this to us. Although we met our man on "home territory" so to speak, it didn't mean we weren't targetted. As older British women we are prized for our intelligence, independence, tolerant nature and even to some degree, our looks (that said I look Iranian and have been told that throughout the Middle East so not typically European). We are also attractive for dark reasons though: dark in the sense that we are attractive to men that are looking for a way out, an "in" to a new life and an "out" from the dominance, control and lack of opportunity that exists in Egypt. I don't doubt for one second that my husband didn't love and adore me like he told me every day, and I believe yours felt the same too. People simply cannot act to that degree day in and day out for that long: however, my husband did show some chinks in the armour when I reflect on things. He did little things that at the time made no sense to me, or could be easily explained away by him with cover stories. To be honest I had suspicions at times as to the credibility of some of the things he did but I put that down to my insecurity coming through because I loved him so much and always feared one day I would lose him. Ironically it was only when I truly rested in my heart and relaxed that he then did the one thing I secretly feared he would, ie. leave. My theory is that we were attractive initially because of our "opportunity giving qualities" but that once involve with us, these men fell for us. However, they were never in a position to make this a permanent arrangement owing to the strong cultural pull back home. You don't mention your age but I will share mine, I'm 44. My husband was 10 years younger: we married at 40 and 30 respectively. As the years have progressed his parents have continued to pile the pressure on at getting married to a local girl: I was a secret. Despite his protestations that he would never do what they wanted his has now caved in and agreed to it. I think he made hay while the sun shone....enjoying his days in the sun in the sunshine of the freedom and opportunity of the Western life with a Western wife, knowing they were limited. He now loves life here so isn't planning to leave Europe, just me. He wil marry his local girl but take her overseas to another western country. I believe yours too had an agenda. I can almost guarantee he will have someone back in Egypt. The m.o. Is completely the same. The reason both our mine ran out like they did is because they did and maybe even still do love us. My hubby told me only last week that he still loves me but can't love me......he has to shut me out of his life until the hurt goes away as he must do this for his parents. But that when they are gone he wants to come back. They left us because they can't have us at this moment in time. You can take the boy out of Egypt but not Egypt out of the boy it seems. This does not make them bad people: it does make them weak somewhat and not entirely honest with us. In fact, my husband has lied about this all along, giving me the assurances I needed that he would never do this so I would agree to marry him when I had doubts. Knowing that my gut was right all along does not make me feel proud or vindicated. It just makes the story more tragic I think, as it was predictable. I guarantee your hubby loved you but he knew it had a shelf life in terms of living life together. But like mine, I believe you live on in his heart and he won't forget you or replace you with better: just with someone he had to be with and what was expected for his life. The unexpected was falling for you as a person and not just what you had to offer materially and practically. My husband said exactly the words yours said: he will never find someone else like me, and he said he has never had nor thinks he will have happier days. I'm heartbroken to hear that because I miss him so and can't bear to think of him living another lie of a life with someone he didn't even choose for love. But it is something I have to accept. And I can't move on because I know I will never have happier days either nor replace him with someone like him either. My email is sheherezadeawad@me.com Please email me so we can talk privately. I really think we could help each other in these dark times. I would love to hear from you. Talking to someone who understands could really be great for us both. Until then, lots of love xxx Submitting....
Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments". Reader comments (21923) on this item
Comment on this item |
Latest Articles |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
All materials by Daniel Pipes on this site: © 1968-2024 Daniel Pipes. daniel.pipes@gmail.com and @DanielPipes Support Daniel Pipes' work with a tax-deductible donation to the Middle East Forum.Daniel J. Pipes (The MEF is a publicly supported, nonprofit organization under section 501(c)3 of the Internal Revenue Code. Contributions are tax deductible to the full extent allowed by law. Tax-ID 23-774-9796, approved Apr. 27, 1998. For more information, view our IRS letter of determination.) |