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Claire, I know how you feelReader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by dreams destroyed (United Kingdom), Dec 30, 2014 at 05:03 Hi Claire , please believe me when I say you are not alone in feeling how you do and thinking what you think: so many people here have posted the same including myself. I too have thought about suicide all the time to make this go away. You do have some blessings though over some of us which I want you to take comfort from. You did not spend much time with him, you did not marry him, he did not come to live with you in the UK, he is not working with you in the same office in the UK. All of this has happened and is still happening to me. And it is a living hell trust me. To see the person who has hurt and deceived and lied to you so much sitting a few feet away, holding court with his colleagues, telling people he split up with you because you did not support him and you wanted different things. Yet he tells me that we have split because his parents are forcing him to have an arranged marriage or he will be disowned. All lies. Please don't think I am belittling your experience over others because I am not. What happened to you was as appealing as anyone else's story. Any form of deceit is horrible and makes us feel worthless and that we must be bad or not worthy simply because we cannot comprehend how someone could do this to us without just cause or provocation. However, we cannot comprehend because we are NOT the same type of person as they are. Decent people don't deceive and destroy those they say they love. The message that I want to send you though is that you must treat this as a lucky escape and a valuable lesson in order to heal at all. My situation first manifested 7 months ago and after a 5 year relationship and 4 year marriage and I am far from over it. I still feel everything that you described. But I also know this is part of the process: what we have suffered is a bereavement, part of us died, and we need to go through the grief cycle to get ourselves back on track. I have a stressful and high profile job that I have tried to throw myself into but motivation and enthusiasm is difficult and the fact he works in the same company and office as me makes this unbearable to be frank but I have to keep going or else how do I pay the bills. I have tried talking to friends and family but this is so hard as you say, since they cannot really understand. My family has been especially tough as they are so hurt and angry as they have been duped too. They loved him and now feel foolish and taken in and of course are desperately worried about me. So I identify with all the comments you have made about work and personal relationships. All I know is without the love and support of 1 best friend I would have surely sunk as I can just use her to offload on, no matter how silly, angry, upset or mental I have acted she has always listened. I hope you have a rock like that around you. I went to see my doctor and he prescribed antidepressants but I refuse to take these as I don't want to mask my feelings and create another problem of dependency. He did, however, sign me off work for a few weeks and that gave me some space and time to be alone in my grief and thoughts and just allow me to fall apart a bit at a time when I most needed it. To fall off of the hamster wheel of life and be selfish in looking after my grief was useful to me. Diversionary tactics might seem to help but they are not the answer. The only way to heal is to really address the issues, process them and try to understand. The internet has been a great comfort to me as it holds so many similar stories. I found this site via Google as I am sure you did and there are plenty of other sites too that deal with the horrors that we have endured. When you wake up and when you go to bed at night to know that you can check any site and see that another day has brought another set of stories and comments, lets you know you are not alone and just how widespread the problem is. It is global and crosses all intellectual, age, nationality and religious boundaries. No matter our age, location or circumstance we all share the grief, shattered dreams and our hopes that our man was different: the love of our lives. This makes us sisters of circumstance and we are here to support you. I'm in the UK like you so feel free to post on here and I will always answer you as I read here daily for comfort. You and I will come through this I feel sure, it just might take time, but that is one thing our men can't take from us. Lots of healing hugs xx Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments". Reader comments (21923) on this item
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