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Skeptical and Vigilant---Yet Ready to Marry Someone You've Never Met????Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Dec 28, 2014 at 19:31 I have been following this forum and doing research extensively, looking here for updates nightly. Well, Kim, I don't blame you. You clearly do not trust this man and have zero reason to trust him. While I am both a skeptical and curious person, my interest is not only in the cultural and social sense of these phenomena of con artistry through love (by men), but also because of my own experience. I'd say then you are farther along than I was when I got conned for the first. Oh yes, it happens to men to, Kim, perhaps more often than it does to women. But I'm sure it's still as heartbreaking for anyone involved. While there are not the standard red flags except meeting online, Well, Kim, the fact that you even need to come on here on-line and ask complete strangers about your martial affairs is a pretty big red flag. I tend to always remain skeptical and vigilant with men from anywhere and find myself wondering what the catch or malicious benefit could possibly be. Probably not a bad disposition. Question is then why are you making plans to marry someone you've never even met? Why does he get a free pass, Kim? Perhaps you're not as skeptical and vigilant as you claim? For more than a year my Muslim Turkish man and I have face to face Skyped daily and nightly for many many hours when he is home from work, even from his phone during work breaks. I find it quite problematic when people who are talking on-line are so available and it is a major red flag. I really can't believe, Kim, that you'd be okay with a balding, pale Western man your own age or older than you literally sitting next to the phone or internet ready to answer at your beckoning. It may be that you get such quick answers because his "job" is looking for a Western woman to marry. Everyone should be wary of these individuals! He is older than I by only a few years, Really, Kim, I'd be telling you this is a red flag even if you were dating someone locally. But the fact that it's international and on-line makes it that much more of a red flag. and we have shared so many enjoyable times talking about life, religion, family, love and everything under the sun. I have met his whole family and talk to them regularly. If you've been reading the posts on this forum (and there's thousands since 2006), then this sort of pillow talk should strike you as nothing unusual with on-line interactions, even in a scam. This is exactly how bad things always start. I once met a woman who was engaged once on a dating site. We had the pillow talk right from the start. Eventually, she started dropping hints that she wanted me, and I could have rather easily have had her. Then again, if she's willing to cheat on her fiancée, how could I trust in any kind of relationship? But really, Kim, every single encounter I've had with dating on-line starts off nice. As I have written many times on here, Kim, the fact remains that liars, cheats and scammers are quite comfortable in their own skin talking about, interestingly enough, how bad liars, cheats and scammers are. It's actually a play off of an old sales trick that assigns blame elsewhere making them feel innocent. Some businesses even cleverly structure their communications in this way. But the liars, scammers and cheats will also be willing to talk about most anything. Of course, if you call them out something, they may feel confident enough to reprimand you, even to the point of the ending the relationship if they think they've got you ensnared enough. He told them I am his future wife and they are all welcoming, loving and supportive. He has asked me to marry him and we are making plans for when I am finished with my studies after summer. While we are both impatient to be together, there is respect for our cultural differences and my value in completing my education. This is how it always starts, Kim. There is always the chance that it changes after marriage, because then the contract is signed. Also, I do not like the sound of this impatience. Another sales technique is that spontaneous people buy into thinks more quickly because they don't have time to think or read the fine print. The other problem, Kim: If you are having such doubts about this (and rightly so), why are you--- at the same time, no less---in such a hurry to get married to this man but at the same time are coming on here asking for advice? We plan to live in Turkey, he has no desire to move to US, and Turkey and his family values and way of life are appealing to my values for a close family structure. Over skype you mean. That can all change once you are married and over there. They do marry young in many Muslim countries, and he may already be married, Kim, and expect you to do the house chores, watch the kids, stay inside, have no male friends and be the occasional different sex toy when he has the urge. My curiosity remains, could there be some malicious intent Yes, Kim----absolutely YES!! There's a lot of liars, scammers and cheats out there as well as weird people and those with mental illness or persons who definitely need counseling and therapy before engaging in serious relationships and why would he spend so many hours seeming genuinely in love, introducing his parents and siblings and nieces and nephews, with no desire to leave his country and no request for money? There's a range of possibilities other than genuinely liking you. If they do, they may not even be aware of the possibility of a scam or some kind of other nefarious agenda, like marrying a Western woman just because she's different. Or, they could be all on it themselves, thinking it would be for the greater good if you could be influenced by their religion and culture through marriage. It could even be they are going along with this because they just want to see him married. Getting married young is quite important in some places outside of the First World, more than we often realize. But in the end, this is about the two of you, not the family or anyone else. Your "relationship" (if we call it that) must be able to stand on its own merit. with no desire to leave his country and no request for money? Well, first of all, Kim, I wouldn't buy into the whole 'we'll stay in his country indefinitely' routine. I think anytime an American is looking for romance abroad, one must always consider the possibility of a VISA scam. Besides, there's a bunch of other nefarious plots other than a VISA scam. As for money, they rarely ask for it directly. Usually, they make you feel obliged to give in some way. This is often done with some kind of a sob story. Where is the catch? Sometimes, we never know for sure, Kim. But people leave relationships all the time without definitive proofs or answers. Those are often terribly hard to come by and not worth the effort. It's also why most people, even those who date on-line, keep it more or less local or within reasonable driving distance and seek someone with core similarities. Ultimately, Kim, this is a waste of your time, especially if this is a case where this man just randomly skyped you. In any case, there's too many red flags here. I don't see how you can be planning to marry someone with all of these doubts and asking us where the benefit lies. And even if you do get married, fly to Turkey and even if his family doesn't immediately try and convert you at the airport----what then? Do you really think all of these doubts will just go away? Kim, if you continue this, it will be a difficult road and let me assure you 110% it is not worth all of this. If you as strong and as diligent as you, then move on from all of this nonsense! Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. 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