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Iraqi Man - what does he want from me?

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men

Submitted by Bewildered (United States), Nov 17, 2014 at 22:31

I have read many comments here, none of which shed a positive light on any Arab men seeking a romantic relationship with American women. The similarities in other stories and my own are remarkable, thus I feel the need to write this post and ask for opinions.

I met an Iraqi man, quite by accident in a chat room online less than two weeks ago. We began talking on Skype after 3 days. He's 39, never been married. He lives in Bahgdad and as you all know, it is a terrible life. He is Sunni, but not an extremist, doesn't attend mosque, but believes in God. His mother was killed in an explosion several years ago. He has a married brother and remarried father in Iraq. His sister fled Iraq and he says she is urging him to get out. He used to work for the US Military and would probably be murdered because of this affiliation if the IS terrorists found him. He is supposedly in the process of selling his apartment and fleeing Iraq. He plans to come to the USA by applying for refugee status.

I am 53, going through a divorce. This man told me he loved me after 3 days and mentioned marriage after a week in his less than perfect English. He denies needing my help to get into the usa, because that is the first thing I thought to ask him when the conversation turned romantic. As you might guess, I am quite vulnerable after a long and fairly unhappy marriage and lengthy divorce proceedings. I am also broke, at least temporarily and he has offered me money, which of course I refused.

I am very soft hearted and kind to people in general. I am very lonely and his words enchant me, like a fairy tale. I have tried to disuade him at every turn but he seems immune to all of my shortcomings, including my brutal honesty about a love affair during my marriage and having HSV2. We have talked constantly since meeting. My impression is that he has a pure soul like an angel, he is sweet and caring and at the end of his rope from living in his war torn country. He wants to escape and has found someone (me) who is caring, kind and (with modesty) attractive for my age. He says he doesn't care that I'm older than him, have been married before, been unfaithful during my marriage, will never give him children, have no money and am currently unemployed. (I would avoid me completely) He says he only wants to take care of me.

I'm aware of the adage: if it sounds too good to be true..., but I don't know what he could want from me. He's educated, has money and its seems he will have no problem obtaining refugee status and with that, citizenship. I have studied current events in Iraq to have an understanding of what it must be like to live there. Everything he tells me about it rings true. I have actually considered, but dismissed the idea that perhaps he is a terrorist. He certainly wouldn't need me in such a plot. I hate that I have to be cynical and suspicious, searching for alterior motives, but it really does seem too good to be true. I am truly bewildered. My heart says yes but my head says no to developing a relationship with him. What does he want? Could he be sincere?

Submitting....

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".

Daniel Pipes replies:

"Bewildered" received many replies to her inquiry. She then gave her response to them on Dec. 5 at http://www.danielpipes.org/comments/219632, where she explains her reasons to continue on with the Iraqi man.

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Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".

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