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Confused Mind: Why Do You Tolerate the Drama---Dutch Woman, Muslim, Egyptian ManReader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Nov 2, 2014 at 14:19 I do not know why you are saying I should stop sending him money, as I am not sending him anything! Here is what you wrote: it is very easy for him to take money from me, If you are not sending money to him, what exactly does that mean? So as one can clearly see, interpreting that you were/are sending him money is not so far-fetched. I only asked him to pay me back the money that I lend him and that's it. And he is saying he will bring it when he comes to visit. I don't really believe him, You shouldn't believe him. You won't see that money again, ConfusedMind, and my concern is that he is using that to string you along. but I'm just saying this for you to see that it is not as bad and all black and white as you are stating. If you look at cases such as these, there is always uncertainty, ConfusedMind, but guess what? Lots of people (especially women) end relationships when there are doubts, and I'd say most of the time they never get all the answers if when they press for such answers. You are bending over backwards for this and for what? It sounds like you are starting to make excuses for him. Good relationships don't need excuses or third-party, on-line anonymous support. He even sent me stuff for the baby. Which is why it is confusing, he is by far not as bad as most of them in the stories on here, which makes it more difficult. At the same time he is not giving me the life I need. You are getting mixed signals. That is not unusual in bad relationships, ConfusedMind. Real liars, scammers and manipulators are good at just showing enough light to give you hope. You should accept any gifts he sends to HIS and YOUR child without remorse. Very tricky, as it is very tempting to keep hanging on. I am sure there are more women like me, that read incredibly bad stories and then tend to forgive our 'not so bad'-guy. I think these guys are more dangerous than the obvious ones! They certainly can be, because they know what strings to pull and what buttons to push. Thanks anyway for trying to protect me but please read my messages first and do not jump to conclusions that all women are the same and all women are sending money. This "relationship" is no different than the rest in the sense that it is not healthy for you and probably not the best thing for your baby. If you are not sending him money, that makes little difference here. There are too many other issues and red flags. Also, why do you keep insisting on wanting to share stories with other women? I wouldn't normally ask that, but it sounds like you are looking for an excuse to stay with him. No one out there has a magical formula to make this work, ConfusedMind. I've been that same road of recruiting others to help, but it will not fundamentally change the person you are with. And make no mistake, this comes to the two of you, which is why this really isn't going to work out. You keep saying "he is nice" or "I don't know, maybe it's not so bad". You're in real trouble, ConfusedMind, if you're using the men discussed on here as some kind of standard to keep this going. The entire foundation of this "relationship" was shaky from the start. Meeting while you were on vacation, you seeing him in part because of your disdain for Western men and him changing his mind or not fulfilling his end of what you agreed on----really, ConfusedMind, NONE of this is surprising. In fact, I've been through almost the exact same thing with a woman I met on-line. I sent her money and gifts, and she never really directly asked for those things, but they have a way of making you feel like you have to or the sky will fall. The reason why they are drawn to you, ConfusedMind, is because you are successful, do the heavy lifting and you've already made the mistake of sending him gifts. In short, it's clear to me you've been used. The fact that he is comparatively okay to the men on here in your mind or that he acts sometimes and/or maybe drops a nice comment here and there on occasion does not change who he is. Even if you met under less suspicious circumstances, he sounds really immature, too young for you and doesn't understand and/or care about all of the sacrifices you've made to try and make this work. It's up to you if you want your business and social to suffer over this, ConfusedMind. Because I think if he brought you down all the way and may not care. And I think you're too successful and too mature for all of this drama. Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments". Reader comments (21923) on this item
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