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To MonaReader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by Nikki (United Kingdom), Sep 30, 2014 at 05:24 Hi, I really appreciate you told your story and asking for advice. I won't tell you what's right and what's wrong as every situation is unique and you are the one who has to decide what to do, but I will tell you my opinion. I do believe that all people are different despite their nationality and religion and that there are some happy outcomes of such relationship. You two have to be very close to be able to discuss such topics. You have every right to be open to him and tell how you feel and the way he reacts shows whether he genuinely cares about you or not. Maybe he really loves you and serious about you but afraid to tell his mom because of the way she might react and hurt your relationship- did you ask him? But there are so many reasons why he might not want to take it further. What always worked for me - I've been sincere and straight forward, I just asked. Let's look at my situation, maybe it will help you to understand better..I am not together with that boy anymore. We are not enemies and we didn't break up because of the issues that people are talking about here, he wasn't violent, scam, abusive or disrespectful. We did not have any fights or serious arguments and I would say that I had a lot more arguments with European boys rather than with him, he was very calm and reserved. But that also made him a bit cold and distant which I didn't like. Somalian people as far as I am aware are not used to "relationship", decent muslim boys don't date girls so he wasn't used to such thing and he wasn't ready to give me all this stuff that we get from our boys. I just needed what he couldn't give me and I cannot blaim him. We were just different and also understood it one day. He saw that although I had feelings for him I was sometimes unhappy and unsatisfied because of little things that I needed as a girl that used to be treated differently, and why would he change himself completely? He tried his best and did many sweet things but still he was a different person you know. Also because he was young and he wanted to focus on studies, job and other hobbies, he just couldn't make such a committment and I also respect that. So we decided its better if we finish it this way rather than irritate each other and argue. But I don't regret anything. You know, I never wanted to finish our relationship because SOMEONE SAID it's not gonna work. I wanted to give it a try and give it a time. When time has finished we both felt that and we broke up. But you might be different from me as I could move on easily and appreciate our good moment, maybe you don't want to waste your time if you know it won't work out. If I were you I wouldn't give him an ultimatum, it's the worst thing. He has to tell his mom about you because HE WANTS IT. Pressure is never good. It has to be his choice. Just tell him how you feel and ask for reasons why he doesn't want to tell his parents. He might be really right if he want to tell them eventually and later because then he can be sure that you guys will be together. I can imagine now that boy would tell his mom about me (he would definitely had to say that it's very serious between us, he couldn't just tell his mom about me as his girlfriend or fling), and then we broke up! It's not right thing to do! We both wanted to be sure! Few years it's nothing, it's for us European people it's normal to date someone for a month, tell parents, tell everyone, put status on Facebook, make it public and then break up, and then do the same with another person. For him I guess it's more personal. So it depends on what kind of relationship you want. Being with a muslim man means LOTS LOTS OF PATIENCE. I really hope you are gonna be fine and just remember that they are very different people but it's all up to you and what you want. I know I might sound now like one of those European girls I mentioned above but I did met another guy. I am not rushing anything at the moment and we are also taking our time, we are friends and getting know each other but one thing I can tell- boys are there to support us and make us happier. Relationship should not be complicated and full of drama. You shouldn't be concerned and ask him to show his feelings more or tell his parents...He should do it naturally if he wants to. If he doesn't - maybe it's not your person. Believe me there are many good boys. Decide for yourself about this guy, don't put much pressure on him but if it doesn't work out please don't be upset! You will find the right person! And the last thing- don't take my advice too serious as I am only 18 years old and I can be wrong :) Nevertheless, you can email me if you need help or anything Good luck! Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments". Reader comments (21923) on this item
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