I am ashamed of how stupid I was to believe.

Submitted by Donna (United States), Sep 16, 2014 at 22:39

This man that asked me to marry him, Aboud also called Abd, Abdul, Abood, Abed I asked him why he was called by so many names he said in arabic his name took on many forms. He to me seemed the sweetest man, until I questioned the contradictions in the things he said and had previously said. Then the disapearing for days. He slowly started putting me down in many many ways. I am blonde and blue eyed and he one day right after telling me he loved me, said "put a dark haired dark eyed woman next to a blonde/blue eyed one no man would even notice the blonde". The lady you just said you loved is blonde/blue eyed and you tell her this? He told me each time how perfect a man he was. He shared a room with his brother, the one who saved me from the mistake by letting me know about his brother's cheating and lying.

Strange thing is this man also told me how many job offers he had had from the USA. Yet he could not get a visa to here. Flags should have went off, yet I allowed this man to control my moves and life even from Jordan. All I could think of was this is the man I am meant to share my life with. He would be on skype with me, ask me to wait for him a few minutes he would be right back. How stupid was I? Let me tell you and I'm embarrassed now to admit it but maybe it will help the next lady. The first time he asked me to wait I waited for over an hour just sitting there when he came back he said oh they wanted to bbq.He did not apoligize. He didnt come say I will talk to you in a bit just left me there waiting for him. After the ladies started sending to me these things,emails and videos of him.

I still talked to him actually trying to convince myself these people were lying about him, I wanted so bad for that to be the case. On skype for less than 30 min one day he said for the second time in that span he had to go for one hour. I asked him on his word of honor as a man would he return in that hour he said yes. An hour passed no Aboud, when I spoke to his brother he told Aboud I was online he told his brother don't bother me I'm busy. His brother then gave me his mothers number after saying somethings I needed to know to me.His brother Amin was an honorable man and his younger brother.He had hinted at things to me once before but I didnt take heed. And I do know what this had to have cost him to protect me. I called that number a lady answered a nice one for sure but not sure if his mom or not. She showed no knowledge of ever having known I have been to Jordan before. Again red flags.

Aboud came to skype hours later and I listened to him really listened not through my heart this time but with my head only, he tried to say it was my fault he had broken his word of honor that I had to have heard his dad call him. First and foremost the men that enter his and his brothers room 41,and 39 always speak arabic, I do not. Yet he was telling me that a man speaking arabic in their room I should have understood. He had stopped for months spending his day off with me Fridays except for a very few minutes, he was telling me his father made him work 12-16 hours a day at the lab and on Fridays he said he was forced to work at home by his older brother on a computer program his brother had made but he had to fix. I knew why at that point but still had not told him I knew. Then after the call to who he said was his mom he came online spoke with for hours for the first time in months and when about to go I simply said Thank You for Spending these hours with me. Not Sarcastically just a simple statement and very softly spoken. His response was a surprised "Donna" I said yes. He did not say he loved me just that was waiting for me to come back again so he could marry me. He had stopped saying he loved me months before but said many other beautiful things and even though I realized it I overlooked it. It was at the end of this skype call that I very quietly and very calmly told him Aboud I know all of it now. He lives in Amman, Jordan , I have cousins in Jordan have been there now 3 times. They are in a villa in Abdoun,I gave the number to his brother should he ever have need of help or anything, this I simply left on his brothers skype as a message I hope he got it.

Still to this day I wish Aboud had been true to his word and had been the real acticle, was not looking for a well a to do man, just an honest and honorable one to love and to be loved by truly.I probably wasnt that far from him yet he never came and only contacted me again after I returned to the USA. I kept feeling like I was the one failing him, now I know it was he who failed himself and me, and the others he has done this to.To this day I do not know what he got out of what he did except to hurt me over and over maybe this was the game from the beginning. Beware of the sweet talkers, they listen to your dreams become that person online, then begin to tear your life apart when they know you love them. I do hope he becomes the man he pretended to be with me, for to able to pretend so well he knows the difference. He is 41 I am now 27 and career is first now, he took my trust, dreams, self confidence and trampled them. Where he should have been the one protecting me turns out his honorable 39yr old brother protected me from him. Thank you brother and sorry I didnt heed your first hints.

Ladies don't waste years of your life as I did believing lies an blaming yourself. I am not by any means unintelligent, I hold 4 degrees and could hold easily conversations with this man. Right after meeting him online he said this was what attracted him to me, he found all other women without logic and unable to hold a conversation. The married women online he talked sex with and these I wish to this day I had not read or seen.Sorry for writing so long but to complete this Be Safe Beware but don't blame all muslim men for what some online are doing. His brother is an example of good, now I know why he felt out of place in the house with his brother Aboud. Be Safe

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