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Confused Mind: On Going to Back to HimReader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Aug 23, 2014 at 23:40 Hi Confused Mind: I'm going to address your concerns in this post: He has been calling me and contacting me since yesterday, trying to lure me back in and I have such a weak spot for him, that he feels there is an opening somewhere. I felt ok all week, and now this heavy burden is back on me. I do want to please him, I do want the happy life, I do want the nice family. And I feel guilty for his unhappiness, that he is alone, etc. I'm sure you want to do well by him. The problem is that it doesn't always matter how nice and giving you are. You can give them the whole world and it wouldn't matter. Listen, ConfusedMind, you're not going to get the nice life or nice family with someone who acts like that and cannot respect you. I know it is not normal, but it's my feeling. I feel sorry for him. I dont want this burden, but also dont know how to escape it. My friend, what you are going through is normal for this situation. The way to escape is to cut him off! Don't leave his number or username just hanging around in order But as I also said in other comments to other people, once I cut contact and start thinking, I realise he has been using me and he is just trying to get his wallet, social security and his physical contact back. Why can I only see this if I don't see him? It could be because he's younger, from a different country, a different race and a different religion. Listen, no one can blame you for having feelings for someone who is younger and exotic. I have no doubt it's thrilling, and I've been there to various degrees myself. The key here is understanding that your attraction to this man is quite superficial. Sure, it's cool and it makes us feel good to be with someone different and younger. And maybe even as significant or even more so is that he probably can communicate with you romantically better than some of the Western men you've been with. But it really comes down to you recognizing what is going on. That's half the battle. Once he contacts me, he gets under my skin, he has an excuse for everything and promises me the world, crying that he made mistakes, he will make up for it, I need to forget everything that happened and he will fix it. Oh, I can believe that. I've been through that before: get used, abused or both and they want to start over when they realize something good in their lives (although not good for us on the other side) could go away or is going away. How can I believe that? You can't. There's too much drama here. People who are honest shouldn't need to do that. Inexperience and cultural differences are probably a factor, but really, it all amounts to this NOT working out, ConfusedMind. Part of me wants to believe it, to not let go of the dream, and also to please him and not make him angry, but part of me is scared and wants to protect myself from this all. Look, there's ALWAYS going to be that part that wants it to work. But it's not going to happen here. What did made me think today is when I asked him why he loved me, he said he didnt know why, he just did. Well, that's not good enough. Want to know why he loves you? You pay the bills! And maybe he likes being with someone different too. It cuts both ways. And that I did many things for him. Maybe that is love to a muslim man, how much a woman does for him and not her character...(i expected him to describe things in my character that he loved) ConfusedMind, playing this kind of game is not typical of Muslim relationships. This man cannot handle being with you, isn't mature enough for you and may be up to no good. Part of me wants to believe it, to not let go of the dream, and also to please him and not make him angry, but part of me is scared and wants to protect myself from this all. Look, there's ALWAYS going to be that part that wants it to work. But it's not going to happen here. What did made me think today is when I asked him why he loved me, he said he didnt know why, he just did. Well, that's not good enough. Want to know why he loves you? You pay the bills! And maybe he likes being with someone different too. It cuts both ways. And that I did many things for him. Maybe that is love to a muslim man, how much a woman does for him and not her character...(i expected him to describe things in my character that he loved) ConfusedMind, playing this kind of game is not typical of Muslim relationships. The fact is most Muslim men (including a lot of the good ones) marry Muslim women. This man cannot handle being with you, isn't mature enough for you and may be up to no good. Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments". Reader comments (21923) on this item
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