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...? was he....Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by Tracy (United Kingdom), Jul 13, 2014 at 07:15 Dreams Destroyed, My heart goes out to you...please do not allow this individual to destroy you...the hellish experience you and your family are suffering, the pain, the shock, the trauma of these events, I too have been through. Relationships with Narcissistic men are tragic and many women, can at the very least spend years, if not the rest of their lives, emotionally, mentally, financially, physically and spiritually crippled from them. Narcissism is bi-polar in its intensity. They latch on to nice people who see the good in everyone as nice people are easy target and they will take from you anything to improve their status and image. Also, nice people have a high level of tolerance their childish, immature and aggressive behaviour. We loved them so much it hurts, whereas they are only in love with their own REFLECTION. The image they create around them, built on lies. The false image of themselves that they create is a version of him that is admired, adored and respected by and in CONTROL of others. In order to maintain this image, the narcissist will go out of his way to be noticed, admired and liked by others. To glean praise from others, he will appear very helpful, charming and generous. He can charm, dazzle and impress acquaintances. He has created the persona of a perfect man which creates confusion for us...as we have have had the misfortune to see their other side; their darkness. These individuals are incapable of experiencing AUTHENTIC love and empathy. No matter what is given, it is never enough. Their demands and expectations escalate and they are rarely content and fulfilled. They destroy our self-esteem. They lie pathologically, purposefully because of their need to manipulate and control because they have never matured to the level where they accept essential emotional truths; lying creates distrust and separation with others. It destroys relationships. To be honest and therefore vulnerable terrifies them. They fear that this will equate to being controlled by others. He needs to uphold lies so people don't discover the TRUTH of who he really is. He finds comfort in not being pinned down, and not being accountable. More lies are necessary to cover up a previous lie and he believes he is entitled to lie. He will make sure he gets you before you can get him. He will tell you one thing, then do another. He will twist and turn the facts to back up 'im right and you're wrong'. He will tell intricate and explicit lies to hit our week points. We shake our heads in bewilderment because we cant fathom an adult lying in such detail unless it was the truth, and what's more he doesn't care who de degrades, damages or discredits in the lies. We feel a heightened state of anxiety, because there is no ability to feel safe under these conditions and He feels powerful knowing that he can affect us to such a degree. He knows how to control us, because the more we focus on what he is or isn't doing, the more we loose our identity, our pastimes, our friends and our life. Before we know it, our boundaries have crumbled and we have lost all our self-resources, energy and power to identify the behaviour, pull away and protect ourselves. The more powerless we feel, the more he believes he is powerful. They push our buttons all the way to our emotional, mental, physical and spiritual bankruptcy. We feel so empty and powerless that we spiral into a deep dark pit of depression, that he has avoided by feeding off our energy. IF we allow him, he will take our light and we will have become his darkness. Their need for attention, jealousy, control, isolation, verbal abuse and pathological lying are unacceptable. When we are trying to deal with a narcissistic relationship or are struggling to recover from one it is IMPERATIVE that we seek healing solutions and RECLAIM ourselves. Please x . Recovery IS possible. The experience I endured with an individual who had these behaviours brought me a strong woman, to my knees. My experience was transformed from an illusion of love to the most powerful experience of creating 'me' again. Having my life force 'destroyed' and learning how to use my boundaries again has turned my life into the most fulfilling reality I could ever imagine. Everything I lost, I'm recreating tenfold. None of my guy's 'love' was real. TRUE love feels great. It is warm,supportive,safe,trustworthy,loyal,respectful and real. True love is constructive NOT destructive. I'm in the UK, same as you, its Sunday lunchtime now and I'm thinking of you right now and I'm willing you to take the right step for you,on the road to recovery. You CAN do it, I promise. x. Love Tracy x Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments". Reader comments (21923) on this item
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