|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Clarification on Algerian Man, Canadian WomanReader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Apr 19, 2014 at 19:18 Karen: This man wants to use you (at least for money) and you need to break this off. I know you agreed to marry him, but there was no relationship here to begin with because I'm sure he planned all this before you two even started talking. There is a twenty year difference between him and I Which is a red flag for me That is a huge red flag, Karen, and this is nothing short of scam. Believe me, it is NO coincidence that many of the stories on here are older women who are single, recently divorced and/or have kids with a huge age difference between themselves in their partner in the encounter. Please elaborate on your last statement to me about ditching this guy as this situation has the potential for serious trouble Karen, this man is clearly using you. He has already asked for money and may well be after a VISA. Marriage to this man would either mean you move to Algeria or he moves to Canada (I think we all know which is more likely here). If he moves with you to Canada, there's a chance he'll leave you he's established and even after a divorce, you still may be responsible for him financially under Canadian law. This entire process can years, and believe me Karen, a lot of these liars and scammers are more than willing to wait that long. This past week he has asked me for money for the first time I'm really not surprised. Generally, what on-line liars/scammers like to do is create some big sob story in order to guilt you into giving (ie Help! I'm stuck in Nigeria, my relative is sick, laptop is broke, ect.). Perhaps he felt confident you'd dish out the money since you agreed to marry him. And I have declined I have been there Daniel to meet him and his family Are they in on this too ? It's hard to say for sure, but they could be. I remember one poster saying a while back her man's mother telling her "okay, you marry him soon now." Otherwise, family members may not understand what is entirely going on. If your man is pushing 30, they may just be happy he's getting married because it kind of it is a big deal to marry young in some of those international cultures. His behaviour with me these last few weeks has not been good I think he thinks he's got you right where he wants you. Now that you have agreed to marry, it's time for him to cash in. To be frank, he's not as effective or smooth as some of the other scammers discussed on here. I'm afraid to speak for fear that I will say something to anger him He hates the " why" questions or "what for" Basically I'm not to ask any questions at all Ah, yes. The whole walking-on-eggshells routine. I've been there before myself with women I once met on-line internationally. He is not the same person that I met a few months ago I'm so distraught and confused Would it surprise if you if I said that he was the same person before you even started talking to him and just didn't realize it until now? Here's the situation, Karen: you really are not ever going to know someone from just chatting on skype. In earlier posts, I mention this with regards to AIM, myspace and other on-line social freebies. This distance dating nonsense is really nothing new. People have done this before by snail mail and telephone before the internet. The fact is as a woman your better feminine instincts (the ones that locate male nonsense) will never allow you to trust a man whom you've know only from videoconferencing to a marriage after meeting once. I understand the how and why of how you feel. I've been there before myself, and let me assure you that this is not unusual. North American are sought after for these kinds of scams all the time, and the internet is just loaded with garbage and with disingenuous people like this Algerian fellow. Unfortunately, on-line dating attracts a lot of people who have mental issues (and really need legitimate counseling before another serious relationship), liars, cheaters and scammers, which can and does overlap with getting easy money and easy sex. But, Karen, there are also those who are really looking for a decent relationship. Even some of these folks don't have it all together either. They may be socially awkward or feel outcast in some way and resort to getting pitied and having attention from others who alledgedly "understand" them and would rather swim in such self-loathing that work on skills for a practical, meaningful healthy relationship. So, Karen, on-line dating does require more work that it's given credit for because there's a lot of nonsense to sift through, and if you're set on doing it, use it to find men you can see in person. There is no substitute for that and I doubt there will be anytime soon. It's pretty hard to find good relationships with overseas men who are 20 years your junior. The cultural differences alone are enough to end a relationship before it's begun. And it's always a huge risk, especially for women. That's why there's so much frustration and anger on here, Karen. When women come on here and defend their relationships or accuse users of anti-Muslim or racist behavior, a lot of that comes from their own uncertainty. Good relationships stand on their own merits. I think a lot of women on here give their international men free passes on bad behaviour because he's different or because they think they are in a once-in-lifetime deal with a guy who is young and different-looking that they are willing to take more nonsense. I doubt most women on here would put up with the type of behavior described routinely on here from a pot-bellied, balding male peer who lives down the road. Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments". Reader comments (21923) on this item
Comment on this item |
Latest Articles |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
All materials by Daniel Pipes on this site: © 1968-2024 Daniel Pipes. daniel.pipes@gmail.com and @DanielPipes Support Daniel Pipes' work with a tax-deductible donation to the Middle East Forum.Daniel J. Pipes (The MEF is a publicly supported, nonprofit organization under section 501(c)3 of the Internal Revenue Code. Contributions are tax deductible to the full extent allowed by law. Tax-ID 23-774-9796, approved Apr. 27, 1998. For more information, view our IRS letter of determination.) |