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Love of Culture vs. Love of Person, Female Instincts, Turkish Man, UK CitizenReader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Jan 19, 2014 at 00:58 Mr. Morzene: I have the following concerns and I will be blunt and to the point. No offence is intended, but I do not take these situations when flabbergasted women post on here lightly. Understand they are in doubt seeking good counsel and this is a serious forum and the stories told on here are not just random hiccups; there is a pattern here that cannot be ignored, and it goes way beyond Islam, Turks and Turkey. Response as follows: I am a Turkish man and my wife is English. We live in the UK. She wanted to respond to your letter. Then why isn't she posting on here herself? Please understand that is a red flag. I'd like to give you some advice but you don't give much away. I went to Turkey when i was 19 years old,with my boyfriend, who is now my husband,.that was 45 years ago, You're giving a teenager advice on traveling based on an experience from 45 years ago? That's not a good place to start; the entire planet is a different place. No one would dare do half the things you did back then! We still don't even know if this is an on-line relationship, which could very well it is a scam. One just cannot be so trusting today. I,d known him for 6 months when he asked me if i wanted to go to Turkey with him that summer in 1969 I didnt listen to anyone i was young and carefree and very adventourous i didnt think much of what the country was like ? Exactly. You didn't think much of it and you probably thought you had all the answers when you were young---everyone else was wrong, and you were right or something like that. A lot of us have been there. In the more modern 21st Century, not thinking about thinks like that can you leave hanging high and dry or even worse. The times have changed pretty much everywhere in some manner. We don't live in the 60s Western counterculture anymore. we are still together. Well, if it's so great, why you are on here looking up this stuff and how did you find this site? I was in love and i followed my heart not my head, my husband was studying at university at the time, he seemed a very genuine, honest and a very generous guy, That's how it always starts—good and bad. You both need to read some of the stories on here and get some perspective about what's happened since 1968. how much older than you he is? What his character is like? Is he educated? How religious he is? Which part of Turkey is he from? These are all important questions before anyone can give you some sound advice. The more information the better, but the bottom line is I don't think she trusts him enough to do this. The most important question on here is why Jessica was even looking this stuff up in the first place and if her boyfriend is such a trustworthy great guy why she needs to solicit advice on-line from total strangers about her personal life and traveling abroad. Turkey is a very diverse country the cities are very modern and cosmopolitan full of secular and religious people, the recents riots for instance , young educated secular people out on the streets protesting. A lot of countires have cosmopolitan places. But if a person wants to see a country for themselves, the best way is to take a tour, not meet someone romantically from that country becaues they like the country. That may or may not apply in Jessica's case, but I think there is a problem sometimes with loving the culture and a person from the culture. Someone who is a teenager should be going abroad with parents or a tour group, not alone with a significant other. That includes a situation where the male would be in Jessica's place. There are people who drink and go to clubs which are more cooler and hip than any in Europe and the shopping centres some of which will astound you they are amazing endless Designer shops. But there are parts of Turkey that are very backward as i said it depends which part of Turkey your bf is from and whether or not he takes his religion seriously or not? And how much your faith means to you? Which we didnt, it never entered our way of thinking and i would just like to mention before i end when i first met his family they welcomed me with open arms and have treat me like their own daughter ever since They are not religious and very .educated very forward thinking people . There's a lot of religious men in general who present themselves as such, only to reveal their true nature after marriage. You also seem to be arguing that secular Turkey = good, Muslim Turkey = bad. That is too general of an argument to make. In fact, a lot of women on here gravitated towards fairly traditional and/or religious men because of the failed relationships with more secularized men. In conclusion before deciding to go toTurkey with your boyfriend ask yourself and him these questions. How strong your feelings are for him ? You will in the end follow your instincts and experience Turkey for yourself. Considering she's posting on-line and asking us, if she followed her instincts which pretty clearly say that she doesn't trust him enough to go, Jessica will stay. In fact, if nearly every woman on this site followed her instincts, this would be a pretty barren forum and a lot less trouble specifically described on here would have been prevented. Frankly, I wouldn't be advising Jessica to do this if she were 48 much less 18. Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments". Reader comments (21923) on this item
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All materials by Daniel Pipes on this site: © 1968-2024 Daniel Pipes. daniel.pipes@gmail.com and @DanielPipes Support Daniel Pipes' work with a tax-deductible donation to the Middle East Forum.Daniel J. Pipes (The MEF is a publicly supported, nonprofit organization under section 501(c)3 of the Internal Revenue Code. Contributions are tax deductible to the full extent allowed by law. Tax-ID 23-774-9796, approved Apr. 27, 1998. For more information, view our IRS letter of determination.) |