Danniah: Variations in Muslim/Western Relationship Experience & Ending Relationships
Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men
Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Sep 17, 2013 at 20:14
Thanks for getting back to me on that.
First, I think that it's important to take things on a case by case basis, which is what I've tried to do on here, especially in the later threads.
To account for the variation, it's important to take things on a case by case basis....with the following in mind.
1) People who show off or defend their relationships have some kind of issue either with themselves, the relationship or both. This can and does happen with international, on-line dating.
2) Relationships should not be evaulated entirely by how they look in public. In some cases, people will act nice just to save face or not embarass themseleves or their partner.
These two points apply to any relationship, not just ones between Muslim men and non-Muslim women.
Second, to answer your question as to why your man would not compromise, it's probably because in the end his religion and/or his idea of what he wanted in a wife was not up for negogiation. Women on this site who seek conservative men from conservative places in the world need to not only be aware of this concept but also that religious men sometimes will not reveal themselves early on.
On the one hand, it's probably not a good idea to discuss this right away in the relationship as dating Marius Panzeralla would advise, but on the other hand some religious men will take it upon themselves to fool around with a women who is interested in the same thing with the intent in the back of his mind to marry a virgin from his own religion and/or culture. Sure, he might "fall" for you after being sexually active for a time (and I cannot possibly endorse such behavior for an unmarried couple) but I think a lot of times the religion, culture, maybe even family concerns/tradition win.
So, it's easy to why on-line relationships of this nature can crash and burn in big ways.
I would strongly encourage you to move on from this man and a lot of times in these situations, Danniah, you may not get all the analysis and answers you want. Relationships don't always end with clear meaning or direction, and having been there myself, I can certainly understand why that would be difficult.
Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".
Reader comments (13060) on this item
Comment on this item
Support Daniel Pipes' work with a tax-deductible donation to the Middle East Forum. Daniel J. Pipes