Guest on iraqi Man

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Dec 20, 2012 at 21:32

Is there a way to upload a photo?

There is not currently a feature for that. You can link to external websites, however.

Are you a man or a woman? Just curious.

A man.

I would like to know however what makes you think I am much older? You mentioned it was obvious from the "Get Go".

Because almost all the stories on here about women who are 35 and older. The posting pattern on here is very similar. As I mentioned earlier, I grew up with the internet and have been blogging for well over a decade. I can tell by what people say and how they write. Call it a hunch mixed with experience.

I wish there was a way to upload a photo of us both so you could see for yourself. I am older, but it has never mattered to him.

And I wish you could see that is said on to women on here all the time. I've had older women from Latin America and Russia tell me the same thing.

I keep reading the posts here and I am beginning to think for every bad story, there is also a site with very good stories

That's come up in previous discussion on here. There isn't going to be a big site with lots of good stories because people who are in good romantic relationships do not need to defend their partner on-line. It's even occurred to me that people who do this may even be defending their relationship at the exact same time their partner is cheating on them. In the case of international men from places Iraq, Most Iraqi Muslim men will marry Iraqi women.

By the way, have you ever seen one of the men described on here defend his relationship with a Western woman 20 years older than him?

I am hoping to fall into the good story category. It is a real shame that there are so many horrible stories on this site but being older I am a little more cautious than most.

Being cautious may not get you anywhere. There's a difference between being cautious and poking holes your date, figuratively speaking, but that usually happens on the first few dates. You're still doing this because you don't have enough information and though you like to say that (perhaps provocatively) that what he says is better, the reality is that you don't trust him.

At some point, you will need to make a decision, and the problem with on-line dating is that you don't have enough information. If you did, you wouldn't be on here. Your hope by questioning all this advice is to exhaust your doubts and maybe even find information you're not getting from him.

That is why this relationship is a waste of time.

I have since spoke to my Iraqi man, whose name is Hussein, about a lot of the conversation and posts.

I figured that, and his response, of course, is predictable:

It does sadden him and he is adamant that the percentage of bad people gives all middle eastern men a bad name.

You have to take that with a grain of salt. Most of the good Middle Eastern men are with good, compatible Middle Eastern women. That's what happens on planet earth: people will date and marry other people who look and think like them. It also means the success of the relationship has a better chance.

Besides, women tend to write off ALL men for a while once they've had a really bad experience. It's normal, and it does reflect on here. That really can't be stopped by me.

This forum is not a litmus test for all Muslim men, rather, it is a test for men who seek to lie and scam women on-line or while they are on vacation (holiday).

He did tell me something new, his mom is Shia and she married a Sunni. Hussein also shared with me that his cousin, who was married last April, was Sunni and married a Shia. He also has many friends both Shia and Sunni.

Stop right there. Why did he say that? Because you told him we said it is odd in Iraq to have mixed Shia/Sunni families?

That's real convenient.

Hussein is not a very religious man,

Your impression of this also concerns me. The fact that a man takes a break from his religion to have sex or mess around does not he's about to give up wholesale just for you.

Furthermore, some religious men expect their wife (or wives) to be as perfectly religious as possible and dole out all the homemaker chores while he acts modern and has nights out on the town.

At the very least, this won't be as simple and easy as you are trying to convince me that it is.

and it was only a few years ago that he learned the difference between Shia and Sunni. he still doesn't understand where the opinions come from

Oh, just from people and women who've almost exactly where you've been completely scammed and lied to.

and said that life is Iraq is like most places..You have the very religious and the not so religious and all try to live in peace and keep harmony.

That's splitting hairs now. You shouldn't have to use Iraq's cultural & political landscape to justify this relationship.

There was a comment I received that men in Iraq would not have girl friends because men are not allowed to date. Quite the contrary, and he even showed me video from Iraq of mostly college girls and guys dating.

I'd say that video, assuming it was what he told you it was, is not representative of what Muslim scholars and those in power in the Middle East have envisioned. It's not as uncommon as you think, and despite the reputation of conservative religious nations you can still find sex and party if you know where to look, not that I would recommend it.

For you, Guest, that wouldn't help you in legal dispute over there. The fact some teenage kids in the Third World mess around when the powers in national government that be aren't looking is a pretty weak justification that things over in the Middle East aren't as unfair as we think.

Just remember that when you go there or move there or do businesses there, it's not sexed-up college kids who running the place.

I'm really not sure where a lot of the people on this site get their information from,

Try years of personal experience and in my case nearly two decades of watching the internet evolve and devolve. I myself had nearly a decade of off and on internet dating including investigations.

You wouldn't believe the stuff I've found over the years: Photos stolen from Hawaiian models used as dating profile pics to cases where it even seemed like men were talking to me instead of women.

I've lived with Middle Eastern men more than most women on this site, maybe even more so than some of the married ones.

but I would be more apt to believe someone that lives in Iraq than what most Americans are fed about the middle east.

That someone could be lying to you about a lot of things. Besides, this isn't even about Iraq and the Middle East. It's about you and a relationship with an Iraqi man.

We as U.S. citizens must know that the news only tells us what they want us to believe, which has been going on for decades, vietnam is a good example of that. I believe all over the world, not just the middle east, that their can be "nominal" muslims or non-practicing Muslims and that the faith itself is not to the extreme side of conservative that western media would have us believe, BUT I believe there are an extreme few that would gladly give the media those few seconds of video to allow that view to continue. Like any religion or group (shia/sunni) not all muslims (or christians) think alike.

Now you're reaching. Western media and Muslim sects have nothing to do with you and this man.

No ideology is above critique. I think a lot of people on this blog confuse ideology with the individual.

We don't, and this blog has very little to do with Islamic theology. Those who want to make this about race, religion or ethnic origin fail every time because it is just a distraction.

This blog is about dating scammers and liars, which have no bearing on culture, race, gender or religion. You could take your story or most any of the others on here and replace man with woman and Hussein with Susy-Q and Iraq with Russia or South America and it would make no difference.

So, with what I have said so far, do you still see warning signs?

Yes, and even more so now. I can see that you've taken considerable time to respond to me and that you are now talking about global issues and judging Muslims instead of your relationship.

Seen it all before one too many times.

Hardly. just someone like myself trying to make sense of everything when there really isn't any.

The reason you can't make sense is because you don't have enough information and you're not getting what you need from your partner. And to large extent, you think you can find that on here.

I can can assure you the age thing doesn't enter the equation and I was not keeping it from the group,

It does enter into the equation and would even if you dated a younger guy down the street. In nearly every relationship described on this board, the woman is older. How many solid relationships do you know where an international man and a woman 10-20 years his senior is flourishing?

just didn't think it was an issue.

It would even be an issue if you were dating a 32 year-old American male, because he has not lived most of his life as an adult. You have, and the difference here is very stark.

The women he dated before were also older. guess he just likes older women.

Older, single women with kids are sought after on-line and while they are on vacation (holiday). I am a man, and for some men, those characteristics are like a bleeding seal to a shark, especially on the internet.

but I will take your advice as I am always guarded when it comes to younger men wanting to date me. flattered as i may be, I still can't get used to it.

That's because your feminine instincts, to their credit, won't let you. That is why women on here who say "well I'll marry my man and take a chance" with a nervous laugh are never really sure. Others will defend their relationship through clenched teeth insisting that what they have is so great and wonderful.

Even women who are married do this, and make no mistake, marriage is not the finish line. In a lot of cases, all a marriage does is form a legal contract involves the state and other people have to step in and clean up the mess afterwards---just like two college kids who play house, split up and the courts or an arbitrator like Judge Judy decides who gets what, and the courts will concern themselves much less than I will with the relationship drama that is consistently bleated about on this board.

Scammers and liars can take months, even years to reveal their full colours, and one thing a lot of them have in common is they are very patient.

In one case, an Idaho man married a Russian girl. He went out of his way to make her feel welcome: got her contacts in the local community who culturally relate and everything. She repaid by waiting for legal documentation, and once she had a valid US driver's license, she was gone.

I do like defending him because I think what he has to say has been far more worthy than some of the advice I have gotten on this site.

That's because he tells you exactly what you want to hear and your feelings are obviously biased. The advice on this site isn't supposed to be fun or romantically stimulating. It's about the truth.

I wonder what is more fun for you now---defending him or talking to him.

Do you think that he spends a lot or even a little time defending you?

and what has happened to a lot of women and middle eastern men. but I also believe that not everyone is like this.

The people "who are not like this" don't really need the internet to find international love.

Just google sites and plenty come up about wonderful relationships with muslim and non muslims.

I did. Where are these sites? The only one I find is this one a few scattered forums that don't bother to go into the detail or have the experiences on here. I don't see people bragging about relationships of any kind.

In fact, other than this site, I've only seen it happen on myspace between college kids and teenagers.

People who are in such wonderful relationships do not need to defend them or validate them with strangers on-line.

I really wonder, Guest, how much time you are taking to respond to those posts. As much as you say that what your man says is better, you sure seem to spend a lot of time thinking about this site.

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