Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men
Submitted by Guest (United States), Dec 9, 2012 at 19:35
Thanks for your comments. If I said he has only dated one woman, I was mistaken. he has dated a few but the longest relationship he had was with a woman with 3 children and it lasted 4 months. She ended up going with another guy and he left her.My Iraqi man is a man of very high morals, he could not take the fact that he gave his love to someone and that someone betrayed him by going out with another man.
Have you heard the other side of the story?
I know the same young lady contacted him after we had met and Hussein would have nothing to do with her. She threatened him on the phone saying she would send someone to "beat" him up if he would not see her again. Hussein just hung the phone up on her. Even if she had an other side of the story, the fact that she threatened him says she is not all there.
I don't know all the circumstances but he comes from a very good family. he has been very honest with me and told me that it was very hard for him to connect with another woman. He has certain ideals that he is looking for and he told me it was harder than I thought.
I find these "ideals" to be interesting because finding a nice Iraqi woman should not be terribly hard given the current situation over there. There's a lot of single Iraqi women looking for stability in what in many ways was and I suppose still is a tense country under the stress of war.
He has dated but said there was not any instant connection, which is what he is looking for.
For whatever reason, he seems to be opting for what he thinks is an easier solution and wants someone specifically international.
The question is why.
He is a very sexual man and perhaps the women in Iraq are not to his liking because most seem frigid...
By frigid you mean socially conservative. That's typical in Muslim countries. In your early post, you mention he is possessive sometimes. I have great concerns over that in combination with this sexual attitude of his that you allude to.
I think if you stay with this man he will restrict your privileges and if you do so in in Middle Eastern country, he will have an easier time doing that.
He has always said that he does not want to control a woman. He wants a woman to love him as much as he loves her. His family does not dress in the usual dress with scarf covering their faces. I've seen his sisters and mother online and they dress in western clothing. Sometimes the mother will wear a scarf when she goes to pray which I understand is out of respect.
I don't know, I'm only guessing. I cannot find any flaws with him.
You said earlier he gets possessive and jealous. He also seems to be rushing you towards marriage.
Two warning signs right there.
Not rushing toward marriage...he is willing to wait for as long as it takes to be with me. we have discussed marriage but he has never rushed.
He is not looking for a visa as he has fears about leaving his country and making it in the U.S. because he is a muslim man.
That is inconsistent. If he has fears about leaving his country, why are you talking about moving to Lebanon?
In Lebanon, the majority are muslim and arabic speaking population, but also many speak english. he feels comfortable being there because he knows the language and there are many arabics there like himself. I feel comfortable there as well as many speak english, and all are very humble gracious people. He fears the U.S. because of 911 and the overall attitude that many Americans have toward the middle east. That is all I meant.
he has very close family ties and his father died when he was a young boy. He has 2 sisters that are married with children and is very close to his mom. I have met them all and they have all accepted me.
That's not unusual. I've met women from the internet whose family liked me too.
Trouble is, the girl really didn't or wasn't who I thought she was.
You're dating the person, not the family.
For him to give up his single life because he believes I am the one is in and of itself very remarkable.
Now why would that be remarkable? People in committed relationships are supposed to give up their single life. It's expected, otherwise it's called cheating and if you're a woman, a whole lot of vocabulary names to go along with it.
What I meant is I think it is noble of him to give up his single life to someone he met online. He could still date and go out but chooses not to because he believes he has found the one. I know when you meet someone you give up your single life, but the circumstances are very different in that he is in iraq and I am in the U.S. Most relationships you can see and touch each other any time you want. We have to plan trips to see one another. I just don't think most men would do that.
Yes, I do take him at his word. I know when he sleeps, when he is out, when he is visiting family, when he watches TV, etc. He has never asked me for the same...just wants me to keep him until we can be together.
How can you know that if you're in a different country in a different time zone?
this man has changed his whole schedule for me. We are in constant contact with each other and always know what the other is doing. yes, the time change is 7 hours difference, but he sleeps during his day so he can see me at night...and we text or call throughout the day every day (yes, my phone bill is a little scary, but he has even found applications that we can use that has cut my cost tremendously.
iDK maybe here in the US we are way too cynical and can't see the forest for the trees.
You're right; you don't know about "here in the US" if you think that it's just a matter of seeing the forest in the trees and it tells me that you are very naive about what a cesspool on-line and international dating can be.
I have never dated online, the whole scenario of how we met was actually through a friend of mine on facebook. it wasn't like we were both sitting in some chat room waiting to be picked up. he did mention that many do this as a pass time in cafes because the city is so distressed and the construction will take time. The electricity is intermittent and what fun was had before the war is replaced with internet because people feel safer.
Americans are targeted for this stuff by people all over the world, and not just for VISAs either. It's a type of thing were people have been killed or they even get stuck in another country and can't get out so easily.
Let me ask: Do you really in your heart of hearts believe that you've found the good one in the barrel? Because most of you're telling me he's saying to you can be hear in most American bars on a Friday night.
If you have read these posts, you'll see that is what a lot of women think and say.
Your man has neither said nor done anything that is special, unique or different.
The "Oh, I love you and I want to give up my life only to be with you" or even meeting a few times:
Been there, seen it, done it.
Maybe I am being naive but for now I can find no fault in this man.
Yes, you are being naive. Even if you didn't have any warning signs, it does not validate your relationship by any means.
I am open to all comments and hope to comment on each one. I have read all the comments and have a reply for each...nothing has been said yet to sway my opinion of him.
That's the problem. In a lot of cases, people just go ahead and get married even though they have doubts. The truth often doesn't come out until after marriage.
We have seen each other in real life and he is the most loving person I've ever met.
You've met 3 times. Don't tell me that you'd be saying the same thing about an American guy who lives down the street.
He loves me for me and doesn't find flaws.
I don't think this is love, Guest. It's just internet infatuation being with someone different who knows how to flatter and communicate with women.
We talk, communicate, everything that 2 normal people in love would do.
Normal people who are in love don't need to justify their relationship on the internet.
Normal people who are in love don't put stock in on-line, international dating either.
Normal relationships have flaws. You say that you find none with him and he finds none with you.
I don't see him after my worth or a visa or a easy ticket out of Iraq, quite the opposite. he is a very proud man and very family oriented.
I don't think you understand----this doesn't have to be a VISA scam to not work out. You could very well end up living in a flat in the Middle East dressed up in hot weather (as is their custom) and not allowed to leave the house for the simple basis that he's jealous.
..nothing has been said yet to sway my opinion of him.
You've got it backwards if you think we need to convince you about this. You haven't even convinced yourself, Guest, and deep down, you never will---and you shouldn't be expected too.
You are right...I'm still not convinced...and I am keeping an open mind.
Everything you've said and everything he's said has been dialogued countless times on here.
Either you will ignore our advice, take a risk that will most likely turn your life upside down or into something you didn't expect, or you will come back to reality and realize that you can do better than international, on-line dating.
Thats why I'm here...I will not ignore any advice and I'm taking this very seriously.
It's really no skin off my back other than maybe taxpayer money if you do this and it turns out to be the worst mistake of your life.
Thank you for taking the time to give me your honest comments. I look forward to more and I plan on keeping you updated.
Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".
Reader comments (17187) on this item
Comment on this item
Support Daniel Pipes' work with a tax-deductible donation to the Middle East Forum. Daniel J. Pipes